CHAPTER 36

After he called Sheila about a dozen time, she finally picked his call and he persuaded her to have dinner with him.

She had picked the place and time, telling him she was going to spare him about thirty minutes from her busy schedule. He didn't point out that her schedule wasn't even a quarter as busy as his had been in the previous week with several conference meetings and endless mails. He had absolutely no wish to piss her off.

She had arrived looking like she wanted to be anywhere but the restaurant with him. "Hi," she said tersely.

"Hi. Would you like to place your order immediately?," he asked her seconds later when she wasn't saying anything.

"No. I forgot all about our plan so I had dinner already. I'm sorry but you can go ahead without me," she said with a smile that wasn't reaching her eyes.

There was no way he was eating while she watched doing nothing.

"No thank you. I'll pick up something later."

"Suit yourself. I believe I said something about my busy schedule...."

" Yeah," he replied clearing his throat meaningfully. Sheila wasn't going to make this easy on him.

"I want a family with Nichole and Nadine," he said frankly.

"OK. Good for you," she said tonelessly.

"I need your help convincing Nadine about that."

She threw back her head and laughed, attracting a few diners. She laughed for a while then stopped to take a sip of water from the glass in front of her.

"Sorry," she said in between loud guffaws, not really meaning the word.

"Maybe I should consider a career switch. Let's say stage comedy?," he said with a snicker.

"Why do you think I should help you?," she asked suddenly, looking into his eyes with all traces of mirth gone. "You've been nothing but bad news for her but now you want a happy family with her. You with all your experience should know life doesn't work that way," she added sadly.

"I know she probably talked to you about the reason I left....," he left the statement hanging, waiting for her to vent about how she truly felt about him.

She shrugged, making no move to say anything but her eyes said it all. She knew what happened years ago.

"I feel so sorry towards her and I'm so angry at myself...."

"You should be," sheila replied cutting in.

"But I don't even know what to do," he finished in a gruff voice, running his fingers through his hair with a lost look on his face.

Sheila didn't know what did it, but she finally saw his sincerity, remembering the guy who used to be her friend, the guy that used to look at her cousin like a lost fool with heart popping out of his grey eyes. He had loved Nadine. That much she knew.

Maybe he had loved her too much. In her mind's eyes, she saw a smitten Nicholas always following Nadine around and a lovestruck Nadine always on the phone with him. It all couldn't have been faked, could it?, she asked herself.

She sighed deeply and resolved to help him. She prayed instincts was telling her the right thing.

"What do you want me to do?," she asked.

Finally, Nicholas thought to himself.

"First, I need you to tell me all that happened after I left town. Not knowing makes me feel so guilty about it all," he said gruffly.

"I understand."

He listened as she went on to tell him about Nadine's pregnancy and how her parents' took the news in stride and helped her through the difficult time. He got to know everything became messier after Nichole was born and named after him. The action had confirmed speculations about the father of the baby and things had become harder for Nadine.

She had moved out from her uncle's when Nichole was three to raise her on her own. Knowing Nadine, she had not wanted to foist her responsibilities on the Sullivans who had protested but couldn't change her mind.

Then she had set about renovating the inn, hoping she'll be able to make a lot from it. But unfortunately, due to the few visitors in Folks, that had never happened and she started the part-time jobs.

Sheila assured him Nichole had been well cared for and never neglected in Nadine's strive to make end meets.

She talked about a whole lot of other things, intentionally leaving out details of the gossips and emotional trauma Nadine went through. He needed to hear that from the horse's mouth.

She gave him a lot of details about Nichole's life so far and ended with "They've been doing fine."

He knew it took all her restraint not to add 'without you' and he was grateful for that.

"Thank you," he said sincerely, having it in mind to also thank her parents later. From all he heard, they were pillars for Nadine.

"You are welcome." She smiled at him, this time, it reached her eyes.

"Do you think she can ever forgive me?"

She smiled at him sadly and asked a question of her own. "Do you love and trust her enough to stay this time?"

He swallowed against the lump in his throat and nodded.

"Have you told her?"

"No"

"Then you've to make her understand how you truly feel about her, not just asking for her forgiveness. You are going to tell her how you feel and maybe, just maybe love would heal you both over time. Who knows?," she smiled sadly, lost in a buried memory of her own.

"I want to but I can't. I'm just going to have to show her."

"How?"

"I don't really know. Do things women want, take her out and all."

"I can't believe you were together with Nadine for two whole years and still think those things matter to her."

"I know she's more than that. I can't tell her how I feel but I'll show it in anyway possible."

"Look at me," she said holding his gaze to deliver her speech, "Impressing her doesn't show her you care. You've to let go of that big ego of yours. You have to be yourself, like you were years ago. You start by telling her how you feel. You've to make her trust you to know you'll always be there for her. She's freakishly independent but she needs a break sometimes. She just needs you to be there to love her."

She paused to draw her breath. "And small gestures matter, not just your money. She needs just you."

Nicholas sighed deeply, wishing it was as simple as she made it all sound.

"It's going to be fine," she tried to reassure him.

"How have you been?"

He suddenly felt the urge to ask her. She was...different, not the cheerful person he used to know. He watched as a guarded look entered her eyes.

"You know, OK," she said with a nervous laughter and sipped at her water. "I'm actually starving but wasn't in the mood to eat with you minutes ago," she said, picking up the menu and subtly changing the direction of their conversation.

"Let's see what's on the menu." He wasn't one to pry unnecessarily.

...........

The next day, Nadine received a dozen white roses, her favourite flower. It came with a written note;

I miss you,

Nick.

P.S: We need to talk.

She didn't know what to make out of that. She thought of trashing them but they were so beautiful she filled a vase with water and put them in. The giver, not the rose was on her bad side.

The day after that, she received a dozen more with another written note;

I want you,

Nick.

P.S: We really need to talk.

She didn't thrash that either. And the one that came after with another written note.

I want the mother of my daughter,

Nick.

P.S: I have to see you.

It continued for days but whenever she opened his written note with anticipation, she ended up disappointed because he never wrote what she really wanted him to. If he had for once mentioned 'love' and not 'want' in his notes, she would have been over the moon and gone running to him against her better judgement.

But that never happened with her home filling up with white roses everywhere she looked.

"Are you thinking of opening a flower shop?," Christian asked her one morning.

She laughed and dismissed his comment.

"He's one persistent son of a bitch," he continued as he moved to retrieve one of the discarded notes on the mantelpiece.

"I miss the sway of your hips when you walk, Nicholas," he read and Nadine dashed towards him to retrieve the note.

"Give me that," she snatched it out of his hand and gathered the whole bunch on the mantelpiece in her hand.

"Hey. I'm sorry. I thought you wouldn't mind since they were just lying around here," he explained, noticing the angry look she was giving him

"It's OK," she said, accepting the fault was all hers.

She had taken the first two to her room, treasuring the fact that he wrote then for her, even if it was all about him wanting her body. But as more arrived and he didn't write what she truly wanted, she had dropped them all on the mantelpiece, telling herself she didn't care the least about his notes.

"Let me guess, he's your baby's father," Christian said, watching her gaze swing to him.

"How'd you know that?," she asked and knew the answer even before he said it.

"You know, I've been here for some time and I've heard people talk. You are kinda headline right now, sorry."

She shrugged "Nothing to be sorry about. People talk all the time."

"All these," he said gesturing around indicating the roomful of roses, "You don't want them to stop, do you?"

She shook her head.

She was hoping in a corner of her mind that if he continued missing and wanting her, he might realize how much he loved her.

But it just wasn't going to work that way. She knew she was just kidding herself.

"Then you should give him a reply, just saying."

He gave her an indulgent smile as he dug his hands into his pockets, presenting a casual, relaxed look. Nadine imagined if she had a teacher like him while in high school, it would have been so much fun to go to school. Having to see someone like him in class everyday would have made studying more endurable.

She wondered how his students concentrate in his class.

"I don't want to. I'm just going to ignore it all," she replied stubbornly.

"I saw him in town a couple of days ago. Doesn't look like one who's got a lot of patience. I won't be surprised if he walks through that door right now."

That much was true. She knew he was only trying to play cool. He was coming after her....soon.