Chapter 141 Don't
“I do. I mean every word I said. I'm done, Derek,” Rebecca repeated, although her voice was softer now, it sounded firmer.
Derek shook his head. “No… you’re just angry. You certainly don't mean any of that. I don't believe it.”
Rebecca laughed, a tired, broken sound.
“I’m past angry, Derek,” she said, looking at him, a small humorless smile on her face.
Hearing that, Derek paused and in that small moment, everything shifted.
Derek reached for her and before she could react, he pulled her close and kissed her.
The kiss wasn't anything soft. It was hard and fast like he was trying to hold onto something that was already gone. Like the kiss would take them both to the way they used to be.
Rebecca froze and her mind went blank. She remained that way for two seconds, her mind blank, not knowing what to do or say. Whether to push him off her or return the kiss.
Then it hit her, everything that had happened. All the lies, the pain she'd felt knowing he left her just to go to her. The waiting and the disappointment of him not showing up and telling her he chose her and not Celia.
She didn't wait for the pain to overwhelm her before she pushed him away hard and before he could even speak, her hand came up, landing a slap to his face.
The sound was loud in the quiet night. Derek’s head turned slightly. Silence followed. Rebecca’s chest rose and fell quickly. Her hand shook, and even though a part of her thought she'd gone too far with the slap, she didn't let it show.
“Don’t,” she said, her voice trembling. “Don’t ever do that again.”
Derek looked at her, his face tight. But then, he was glad he'd done it because now he knew...
“I’m sorry but I'm not sorry. I just needed to know,” he said.
“Know what?” she asked with a confused frown.
“If it was really over,” he replied, making Rebecca raise her eyes to look at him.
She shook her head. “You don’t get to decide that like this,” she said but he just looked at her.
“You felt it,” he said, and Rebecca's heart skipped a beat but she didn't let it show.
“No,” she replied immediately, even though her heart was beating rapidly now.
“You did,” Derek said, not backing down.
“I didn’t,” she insisted.
“Then why are you shaking?” he asked, looking her over.
That question hit her, but she didn’t let it show. She shifted, crossing her hands in front of her.
“Because you crossed a line,” she said, looking directly at him.
Derek held her gaze. “And he hasn’t?”
“That’s different.”
“How?” he asked, even though that wasn't what he wanted to talk about. He just couldn't help it.
She didn’t answer. Because she didn’t know how to explain it, and that silence said all Derek needed to know. He didn't even wait for her to explain or clear his doubts. He just believed he knew all he needed to know with her silence.
Derek let out a slow breath. “So that’s it?” he asked. “You’re just done?”
Rebecca looked at him, her eyes softer now, but still very much guarded.
“I don’t know what we are anymore,” she said quietly.
Derek swallowed. “That’s not enough.”
“It’s all I have,” she replied, and silence settled between them.
Then Rebecca stepped back, taking a deep shaking breath. “I’m tired,” she said softly. “I can’t do this tonight.”
Derek didn’t stop her this time. He just stood there, watching her.
Rebecca turned and walked toward the house, each step felt heavy, like she was leaving something behind.
But also carrying it with her at the same time. When she got to the door, her hands trembled as she opened it.
She stepped inside, and closed it. Then she leaned back against it. Her eyes shut, and finally the tears she'd been holding fell.
Quietly and slowly like they had been waiting.
Outside, Derek didn’t move. He just stood there for a long time. His jaw tight, and his chest heavy.
He touched his face lightly where she slapped him, then let his hand fall. For the first time, he felt it clearly.
He was losing her, and this time it wasn’t a maybe. It was a fact. If he didn't do what he had to do, then heught actually lose her. And it wasn't even her fault. It was his uncertainty.
Inside the house, Rebecca stayed by the door for a long time, her back was still pressed against it, her hand still on the handle.
Like if she moved… everything outside would come rushing back in. Her chest rose slowly.
She closed her eyes tighter as different thoughts ran through her mind.
Why does it still hurt this much? She asked herself as a tear slipped down her cheek, then another fell.
She didn’t wipe them, she just stood there, in the quiet, breaking slowly.
After a while, her legs felt weak. So weak she thought if she continued standing there she might fall and be unable to stand up.
She pushed herself off the door and walked inside. Each step felt heavy, like she was dragging something heavy behind her. Something she couldn’t see, but could feel the weight.
She got to her room and closed the door. This time, there was no holding back. She leaned against it again and slid down to the floor.
Her body shook, her hands covered her face and the tears came faster. Not loud. Not messy, just… deep. The kind that came from a place she had tried to hide.
Why did he do that? Why did he kiss her? Why did she feel the way she felt when he kissed her? She asked herself, as her breathing broke a little.
Why now? Why did he have to show up now? After all these time?
Her mind started running backwards to the exact things she didn’t want to remember at all.