Chapter 142 Wouldn't Run
Derek.His name alone made her chest tighten, and now she'd just seen him again. The way he looked at her just now. The way he said her name and the way he kissed her.
Rebecca’s eyes squeezed shut.
“No…” she muttered as her hand moved to her lips without thinking. She pressed her fingers there lightly like she was trying to erase it.
But it didn’t go away, and that made her cry harder.
Why did that kiss affect me? She asked herself.
The question came suddenly, and even though she hated to admit it, tt scared her. She shook her head quickly.
“No,” she whispered.
But her mind didn’t stop, it still pushed.
If it didn’t matter… why are you thinking about it?
Rebecca let out a small, broken frustrating sound.
“I hate this…” she whispered.
Her chest hurt. Because it wasn’t just the kiss. It was everything behind it.
The past. The waiting. The hope she never admitted she still had. She remembered the days she waited for him to call Amelia and say he was outside.
The nights she stayed awake, hoping he'd send a text to tell her to come out that he wanted to talk. The times she told herself,
He’ll come look for me. He's just confused like Amelia had said.
Her lips trembled. He didn’t and that truth hit her again. Just like before. Fresh, painful and real.
Rebecca wiped her face quickly. But the tears didn’t stop. He chose someone else. That thought came clear.
Sharp, and it hurt, every single time.
“So why…” she whispered, her voice breaking. “Why do I still feel like this?”
She pulled her knees closer to herself, holding them tight, like that would stop everything inside her from falling apart.
But it didn’t. Nothing did. Her mind shifted again. Like it was trying to escape the pain and somehow, it landed on someone else.
Adrian.
Rebecca went still. Just hearing his name in her head felt… different.
She took a small breath, and for a moment, the tightness in her chest eased, kust a little.
She frowned slightly.
Why…?
Images came. Adrian standing outside the restaurant. The way he looked at her and the way he spoke. Calm and easy, like he wasn’t trying too hard, like he wasn’t going to hurt her.
Rebecca swallowed. Why do I feel calm with him?
The question stayed and it didn’t hurt and that was the strange part.
It didn’t confuse her in a painful way. It confused her in a quiet way, like something new she didn’t understand yet.
She remembered how she laughed tonight. The laugh not sounding forced or faked.
Her lips parted slightly. When was the last time I laughed like that?
She couldn’t remember. She thought and that alone made her chest ache again.
But it wasn’t the same kind of pain that felt deep. This was not but almost… sad.
Rebecca leaned her head back against the door. Her eyes still closed.
With Derek… I was always waiting. Waiting for him to choose her. Waiting for him to stay. Waiting for things to feel right.
But they never did or maybe they did but not fully.
She let out a slow breath.
With Adrian… I’m not waiting. That thought surprised her.
Rebecca shook her head slightly.
“No,” she whispered. “It’s too soon.”
Her voice sounded small and weak, even to her own ears.
“I can’t do this again…”
She didn’t know if she meant love or pain or both. Her hands dropped from her knees.
Resting on the floor. She stared ahead. But she wasn’t seeing anything. Just thinking.
Am I trying to move on…
She paused. Her breath caught slightly.
…or am I just running?
That question stayed with her as she tried to find the answers. Rebecca closed her eyes again.
Tears slipped out quietly.
“I’m so tired,” she whispered, not feeling just body tired but her heart and mind were tired of this emotional dilemma.
She slowly pushed herself up from the floor. Her legs shaky and her head light. She walked to her bed and sat down. Then laid back slowly, staring at the ceiling.
She turned to her side. Pulling the blanket slightly, like she needed something to hold onto. Her eyes closed again, but sleep didn’t come.
Only thoughts, feelings and questions.
What am I really afraid of?
She didn’t answer but she couldn’t. She didn't have the answers.
What if she saw Adrian tomorrow and she didn’t feel the same anymore?
That thought hit her, harder than she'd expected. Because what if... What if tonight changed something?
What if Derek still had a hold on her she didn’t want to admit?
Rebecca’s fingers pressed lightly into the mattress. That wouldn’t be fair to Adrian…
Rebecca closed her eyes tightly. “What am I supposed to do?” she whispered to herself but no answer came.
Just silence and her own breathing, slow and uneven. Her mind kept going. Should she come going to dinner with him again? She was supposed to get her car keys from him tomorrow.
Should she just pretend not to be around? Or should she get the cars and just try to slowly cut him off?
The thought came quickly. Like an escape, like a way out but just as fast, something inside her pushed back.
No…
Her eyes opened again, because she knew. She didn’t want to cancel or stop seeing him. She didn’t want to run.
Not from this and definitely not from him. That realization made her go still. Then she made the decision.
“I have to face him.”
She didn’t have to explain everything. She didn’t even understand everything yet. But she could at least, not pretend.
Rebecca nodded slightly to herself. Even though no one was there to see it.
“Okay…” she whispered, her voice still tired and unsure but a little steadier.
“I’ll just… be myself.”
Even if that meant being confused. Even if that meant not having all the answers and even if that meant feeling too much.
She turned to her side again. Pulling the blanket closer. Her eyes slowly closing. Her mind still full but quieter now.
Not because everything was solved but because she had made a small decision.
She wouldn’t run, not this time.