Chapter 29
HOLLAND
SITTING NEXT to Marie and Danill, I stare straight ahead at the closed casket. Because Nate hasn’t been found, they couldn’t cremate Claudia’s body the way her parents wanted. Her mother wails from the row in front of me, her father looks at his watch for the fiftieth time.
I hate them. Almost as much as I hate my own parents. They’re disgusting and they should be given charges too. I don’t know what for, but something. Can you go to jail for simply being an asshole? Wouldn’t that be awesome if you could? I mean, not like a regular asshole, but an epic asshole.
“Shh,” Marie hisses.
Flicking my gaze over to her, I press my lips together and widen my eyes. I hadn’t meant to say all of that out loud, but apparently, I did. I’m not sure I’m sorry though and I wish that they would have really heard me.
Once the short funeral is over, I watch as her parents walk up to the front and people get in line to tell them how sorry they are for their loss. Fuck that and fuck them. They didn’t care about Claudia, but they sure do love attention.
Marie, Danill, and I leave. There is a moment of silence between the three of us as we walk out of the funeral home. Once the fresh air hits me, I turn to Danill. He gives me a sad smile, no doubt seeing the frustration written all over my face.
“They’re gross,” I announce. Marie laughs softly and I turn to her. “You know they are,” I snap.
She nods her head. “They really are. You’re just cute, all pregnant and fired up.”
“What happens now?” I ask, ignoring the cute, pregnant, and pissed-off comment.
Danill walks up beside me and slides his hand around my waist. “Nothing, kroshka. Now, we mourn, then we move forward.”
Looking over at Marie, she nods her head in agreement. “That’s exactly what we do. Claudia wouldn’t want us to stop trying to find our happiness. She wouldn’t want us to stop living.”
Licking my lips, I know that she’s right. Claudia wouldn’t want that. Not at all. She’d want us to party and live it up until our last breaths. That’s just who she was. Claudia was all about the party. She was about the fun, but I know that deep down she was hurting too and she just wanted to be happy.
She wanted what I found with Danill. She just wanted to be loved by someone, by anyone. Just like me, Marie, and Nate. We all wanted that.
“Then we’ll live, and speaking of…” I begin.
Marie holds up her hand, her palm facing me, and shakes her head. “Don’t even ask. Grisha was fun, but he’s definitely not for me and I am not for him.”
“Maybe Danill knows someone else?” I suggest.
He coughs in his hand behind me, but it’s Marie who speaks up. “No thanks,” she says, wrinkling her nose. “No offense. Danill is great for you, and that’s great, but he and his dudes are not for me.”
Danill chuckles. “None taken, Marie. You need a new age man, and we are not that.”
“True story,” she says, giving him a wink.
We leave the funeral home parking lot and go out to lunch together. Danill joins, not because he wants to hang around two women, but because he wants to watch over me and I love every second of it. Lunch is long, Marie and I cry and laugh as we reminisce about our teenage years and Claudia.
Then as we’re getting ready to separate, she turns to me. “Do you think they’ll ever find Nate?”
Licking my lips, I look down at my shoes, then lift my gaze up to meet hers. “I don’t. He’s long gone, if he’s even alive.”
“Yeah,” she breathes. “That’s what I thought too.”
I give her a hug, tell her to be safe, and that I’ll see her for our weekly lunch date on Monday, then I turn to Danill. Tipping my head back, I look up into his eyes. He smiles softly down at me, and I realize that I’m the luckiest woman in the world.
I’m living the life that I could only dream about a year ago.
I’m living it and loving every second.
I decide that I’m going to take Marie’s advice and I’m going to live each day to the absolute fullest.
I’m going to be so bursting with love, with happiness, with complete joy that every day will feel like the dream that it does right now.
Even the really hard ones.