Chapter 21 — Calvin

Calvin’s eyelids were so heavy as he pulled the bed sheets up close and nuzzled against the slow, steady rise and fall of Jack’s chest.

He really, really didn’t want to go to sleep yet. He wanted to make this night last as long as possible, to take advantage of every second he had left with Jack, especially since this was the first time they were going to spend the whole night in the same bed.

It was a feeling Calvin had to remind himself not to get used to, though, and that was the hardest part.

From the corner of the room, Calvin could hear Darren scratching at the overstuffed cat bed Jack had picked out for her, followed by the sound of her flopping down onto it.

At least she was going to rest easily tonight.

Not that she had been any trouble at all since Calvin had brought her home. She had settled into her new place and new routine even faster than Calvin could have hoped for—a good thing, since her belly was getting bigger by the day.

Calvin turned his thoughts back to Jack and stifled a wistful sigh.

He knew what he had agreed to in the beginning—take things slowly, see what happens, no expectations—but Calvin also knew that he had broken all three of those rules almost immediately.

Being near Jack was addictive, and it always had been. Now, it was even more so.

And knowing that they only had a few more days together only made Calvin want to pull him closer.

“It feels so good to have you next to me,” Jack said, kissing Calvin’s forehead as his fingers drew lazy circles down Calvin’s back. “Why didn’t we do this sooner?”

“That’s the story of our lives, isn’t it?” Calvin said, trying and failing to sound lighthearted. “Missed opportunities and bad timing.”

Jack took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly before speaking again. Calvin didn’t even have to look up to know that the expression on his face was a regretful one. “You’re right, babe. So many missed opportunities.”

“I’m sorry,” Calvin said, sighing. “I don’t want us to be moping around during our last few days together. I want things to be happy and fun and sexy, like they were earlier. Like they have been since you came back.” He paused, then moved his hand over Jack’s heart. “I just can’t help wishing sometimes that things could have been different.”

“I understand completely,” Jack said. “And you don’t need to apologize for anything, especially not for telling me how you feel. I want to hear it.” He squeezed Calvin close. “I just wish there was something I could do about it.”

Calvin didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. There wasn’t anything they could do differently now, unless Calvin gave up the bookstore and his life in Silver Lake, or unless Jack gave up his career and life in Boston.

And that was too much to ask when neither of them knew how this would turn out. Sure, Calvin had hopes, and he knew what his feelings were for Jack, but his feelings had gotten him into trouble before.

Calvin didn’t want to let that happen again. Not this time.

Thinking he had lost Jack’s friendship once had been hard enough. If Calvin had to sacrifice deeper feelings to keep that friendship intact now, well… it could be worse, right?

But losing Jack completely was unthinkable, especially now. That was what it came down to, though.

That was the alternative.

He could have friendship and fun with Jack or a lifetime of regret without him.

The choice was obvious. And when Calvin thought about it that way, it was even easy.

###

“Good morning, guys,” Scottie said, hustling over to Jack and Calvin’s table with two steaming cups. “I’m sorry about the wait. We’ve been busier than ever these past few days.”

“That’s awesome,” Jack said. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“We don’t mind the wait at all,” Calvin added. “Especially since it means you’re bringing in more customers.”

And Calvin could see with his own eyes that it was true. He had been getting his morning mocha from Steamin’ Beans for years and had never seen it so busy at this time of the morning.

“The rush has normally died down a little by now,” Scottie said, echoing Calvin’s thoughts. “But I don’t know what it is… they just keep coming in.” He nodded toward the big window that overlooked Main Street. “Makes me wonder if some of them are coming from over there to check things out.”

Calvin and Jack both turned their attention to Topped Up, the other coffee shop in town and Scottie’s across-the-street competitor.

“I stopped in there to see Trenton last week,” Jack said with a wry grin. “I invited him to our meeting at the bookstore.”

Calvin’s eyes went wide. “You didn’t tell me that!” His shock turned to amusement, though, as he saw the corners of Jack’s eyes crinkle. “I would have given anything to have seen his expression when you extended that invitation.”

“No kidding,” Scottie said, leaning in. “What did he say? I can’t even imagine.”

“Just that he was far too busy and that we were wasting our time.” Jack turned his attention to Calvin. “I meant to tell you that day, but it honestly slipped my mind with everything else we’ve had going on.”

“This story more than makes up for it,” Calvin said, reaching across the table to squeeze Jack’s hand. “And it’s probably best that you didn’t tell me. I would have just wanted to go see for myself, and that would have probably ended with an unnecessary confrontation.”

Scottie laughed. “I would have paid to see that. But for as busy as he says he is, I can’t help but notice that there are still some empty parking spaces in front of his door.”

Calvin nodded. He wasn’t going to necessarily take pleasure in the fact that someone else’s business might not be doing so great, but… God, it was really hard to feel bad for Trenton after the things he’d said in front of the whole town.

“Pretty soon people will have to park over there just to cross the street and come here,” Jack said, tossing a grin in Scottie’s direction. “But maybe he’ll come to his senses and see that working together will benefit all of the businesses downtown in the long run.”

“I hope so,” Scottie said. “I really do. He might technically be the competition, but I honestly think there’s room for both of us to be successful… I just doubt he’d see things the same way.”

Calvin knew from experience that Trenton definitely did not see things the same way, but again decided to keep his mouth shut.

If he couldn’t say anything nice, best not to say anything at all. It might be trite, but it was a lesson that had served him well as an openly gay business owner in a small town. People had enough ridiculous, made-up, pre-programmed reasons to dislike him already. The last thing Calvin wanted to do was to give the haters any more ammunition.

“You’ve got the right idea,” Jack said. “And your business is moving in the right direction. If Trenton can’t see that for himself, well… that’s his loss, I guess. I just wish I could be here to see things really start to pick up for everyone. There’s so much potential up and down this street, and I really am excited to come back one of these days and see what you’ve all done with it.”

Calvin felt his stomach clench at the thought of Jack leaving, but he was pretty sure he’d somehow managed not to let it show.

Scottie, on the other hand, looked like he’d just been struck across the face. “You’re leaving? Now? B-but there’s still so much to do, we still need your help.”

Jack’s brow furrowed and he looked away for a moment before answering. “I have to go back to Boston,” he said, finally. “I wish I didn’t, but…” He cast a quick glance in Calvin’s direction but didn’t make eye contact. “That’s the way things have to be for now.”

The sadness that Calvin was feeling played out across Scottie’s face. The big teddy-bear of a man wrapped an arm around Jack’s shoulders and pulled him in for a half-hug. “I really wish you didn’t have to go. But I know we all appreciate the time and effort you’ve put in since you’ve been here. I think we were all a little too comfortable and needed a little push in the right direction, so thank you for that.”

“It’s been my pleasure,” Jack said, smiling even though Calvin could see how conflicted he felt. “And I mean it when I say I can’t wait to come back and see how things are going, so just make sure you keep up the momentum.”

“We will,” Scottie answered. “We definitely will.” He sighed as he looked back toward the line of customers behind him. “I had better get back there and help my baristas before I have a mutiny on my hands. You boys take care.”

Calvin and Jack both smiled and waved as he walked away, but both of their smiles slipped once they were alone at the table again.

“Even talking about leaving is hard,” Jack said, shaking his head. “I hate that it has to be this way.”

Calvin hated it, too, but Jack already knew that. It wouldn’t help to say it out loud again.

So he didn’t.

Instead, Calvin simply nodded and gave another sympathetic squeeze to Jack’s hand before grabbing his mocha and standing up. “I guess we should probably head to the bookstore. Someone will need this table soon at this rate.”

Jack stood up and followed Calvin to the door without another word, even though Calvin knew they both had plenty on their minds, plenty left to say.

But what good would it do to voice those thoughts? Nothing was going to change.

Like Jack had already said, this was the way it had to be.

They sooner Calvin accepted that fact, the better off he would be. His brain already knew that was true.

Now he just had to convince his heart.