Chapter Thirty-Two

Celia I turned my phone on two days later. As I expected it buzzed so long with notifications that it nearly drained the battery. I swiped to clear all the notifications and then started to delete my accounts on my social media. I’d make new ones later, for now, I took the apps off my phone and enjoyed the silence.

Becky had been true to her word and went over to get my stuff. They brought it over in Becky’s car and the car owned by the Bentley brothers. They put it all in the elevator, sent it up, and then left me in peace. They knew to leave me alone now, at least. Becky had told them I didn’t want anything to do with them ever again and had added a bit. She told them that what they’d done had humiliated me, which might have been worse than the deception they’d been pulled.

She’d told me about the conversation when she came up with the last load of my belongings. That load had increased in my short time with the boys. I’d gone from a few possessions to boxes full of it. I had new clothes they’d bought me, new bedding and a lot more. I didn’t want to look at it all, I just wanted my clothes, books, and my computer.

When I turned my computer on, my email notifications were full too. Only, most of those were about my classes, or from other students that wanted to laugh at me. Some called me vile names, and I soon deleted everything in my inbox and closed the browser. I had homework to do, and this wouldn’t help.

I was on the verge of losing my job, my life was in tatters, and now I could barely show my face in public. At least it was winter, I could hide in bulky clothes and scarves, with hats to hide my recognizable hair. I wanted to crawl back home, but I knew I had to face up to this monumental mistake I had made and get on with my life.

That’s what I told myself during the day. At night, I ached for Keith’s touch, for the way he made me feel so safe. But he wasn’t a ‘he’, he was a ‘them.’ I realized now that I’d known all along. My body knew each one’s touch was different. My body could recognize which one I was with, even if my brain didn’t want to believe it. I still didn’t know which one was which, although Becky had explained to me the difference in their personalities. Colin was the serious one, Grant the romantic and Keith, the consummate player, definitely able to give a girl a good time.

I thought I knew which was which by the third day and had worked out that I’d been in love with each for different reasons. Sure, they were all different men, and I had them at different times, but together, they really had made the perfect man.

In my less lucid moments, I’d think about what life would be like with them, how would we go on? I’d wonder if they drew straws to see which one had me for the day, or if they had a chart. How would that work in the future, if I’d agreed to the relationship?

At other times, I tried to focus on my job and school. A week passed and then two. The hate mail and nasty texts began to slow down and then disappeared. I developed some kind of stomach flu that wouldn’t go away by the third week and became more than a little depressed.

Becky did her best, and she gave me a lot of support, but even she couldn’t help me in this situation. Thanksgiving break began, and Becky surprised me. She’d bought me tickets to go back home for the holiday.

“I’m going to be with my family. You should go to, Celia. I can’t stand the thought of you being here alone.” She’d hugged me tightly, then run off to catch her flight.

I’d stared at the tickets, unable to believe it, and then I’d called my uncle. We wanted to surprise Mom, so he didn’t tell anyone he was coming to pick me up. I met him at the airport, where we hugged and he called me ‘munchkin’ the way he always had, and then I nearly threw up on him.

The nausea passed and he took me to the car, concerned that I was sick. I told him I thought it was my gall bladder or something. It happened when I ate spicy food or oily stuff and I’d had a load of onion rings at the airport in New York.

Becky had given me some money for traveling expenses. I’d found it tucked into my pocket after she’d given me a hug and left, so I’d splurged on onion rings. I regretted it now as the car sped towards my mom. It finally settled down about five minutes before we got home and I was so relieved, I nearly laughed.

It wasn’t just my gall bladder, I thought, but I couldn’t tell my uncle that. It was stress. I’d been so distraught that I’d missed my period too. I knew stress could do that and with exams, the shit with my ‘boyfriend’, and Rachel, well, my body was in chaos and telling me it needed a break.

My uncle parked at his trailer, and then we walked over to my Mom’s. I knocked on the door before I opened it and she stood there in the kitchen, her jaw dropped and her eyes wide. “Baby girl! What are you doing here?”

“I needed my Momma,” I said with a sob and fell into her open arms. This is what I’d needed more than anything.

“We’ll, uh, we’ll have dinner ready at six, you two. Take some time, and then come on over.” I smiled at my uncle, tears running down my face and mouthed a thank you. He knew we needed some time together.

“Tell me, baby, come on. Something’s wrong or you wouldn’t be here.” She was so concerned, so soft and sweet and so full of the smell that was my mom, that I nearly fell. I hadn’t realized just how much I’d missed her.

I clung to her tightly, sobs an awful strain that wracked my body as I let it all out at last. I told her everything that had happened. I’m sure she didn’t understand it all, but she didn’t judge me or push me away She just smiled and told me how much she loved me. How proud she was.

“You stood up for yourself, baby. That was so brave of you.” She looked at my pink hair and smiled. “I hate that that little bitch ruined your hair, but I love the pink.”

“Everybody does,” I said and wiped my face with some paper towels. We weren’t the box of tissues kind of family. “I’m sorry I cried all over you like that.”

“It’s what I’m here for, baby girl. Now, what are you going to do about those men?”

“I have no idea.”

“It sounds to me,” she said carefully, her eyes on the picture of my Dad on the wall, “that you loved them all. And like they were about to tell you before this Rachel girl spoiled it all.”

“I think they were. But I can’t forgive them, can I? They played me for an idiot.”

“I know, honey, but they also seemed to have chosen very carefully. They didn’t just pick you because they wanted to play with you, it sounds like they wanted something real. Different but real.”

“I can’t believe you’re defending them.” I wasn’t angry, just shocked.

“I know, it’s weird, but I learned a lot from your dad. He was a little wild too before he got sick. I’ve never been a prude, you know that, but, well, honey, sometimes people make the worst mistakes with the best intentions. Which has probably just confused you even more but think about what you’ve told me. They treated you like a princess. And more importantly, with care. And as someone who lost her one and only far too soon, I can also say, if you can have three of the same one, well have it. You’ll never be alone.”

I couldn’t believe what she said. My mom, the saintly woman that hadn’t remarried, wanted me to make up with the Bentleys?

“Wait, who’s this guy you’ve been seeing? And what’s he done to you?”

“Oh, Tom? Well, he’s taught me a thing or two. I’m not too old for a good time you know?” She winked at me and I nearly fell over and died.

“Momma!” I said, shocked. “You slut!”

“Only with him.” She threw her head back and laughed, and despite myself, I laughed with her. Good for her.

She deserved some happiness and a little bit of love in her life.

The fact that she wanted me to take the boys back made me wonder about her sanity, but then I wondered if she wasn’t looking at it all practically. There would be three men to provide an income, three men to love me, and take care of me. And as she’d said, I’d never be alone. I had three men to love.

I pondered over it all as we went to my uncle’s for Thanksgiving dinner, and I watched my family as they celebrated my success so far. I hadn’t exactly made a good name for myself at school, but my grades were good, and I hadn’t failed out or been fired yet. Mom kept my business to herself, as I knew she would, and we had a nice time.

Becky had been right; I’d needed to be home with my family. I’d have to pay her back, somehow, but this was the best thing that could have happened to me. My mom had shown me the commonsense side of things, and the reality of life. As a child, she’d told me about her fairy tale romance with Dad and I’d wanted that same kind of life.

One man, one woman, college, marriage, babies, and happily ever after. I wanted what she hadn’t been able to have. But that wasn’t the only option in life. Yes, the boys had humiliated me with their little game, but had it really been a game?

If it had been, would they have carried it on as long as they did? I didn’t think they would. I was quiet throughout the weekend that my tickets allowed me to be home, so I soaked in all the family time that I could. I talked with my cousins and held the babies a few of them had already given us to love. I took it all in, and when I went back to New York, I had an idea of what I really wanted out of life now.

I’d gone to New York totally naïve, maybe even a little vain about myself. I’d considered myself above the other kids, in a way. I was more romantic, not sex-starved as I thought they were. Now that I’d experienced intimacy, I knew that sometimes you just needed to fuck. At other times, you needed that connection. I’d been wrong to judge the other kids as I had.

I left my mom’s again and cried on the plane home, though I’d never tell her that. I hid beneath the blanket the stewardess gave me and tried to stop the tears. I hated leaving my family again, but my life was in New York now. Becky was there, my classes, and my job was there, and my future was there.

I wasn’t little Miss Perfect, at all. I knew that now. I’d made my own mistakes. I’d walked blindly into a relationship with a man I barely knew. Okay, three men I barely knew. I hadn’t known they were three men, but that wasn’t relevant. What was relevant, was the fact that I’d chosen to date him, I’d chosen to sleep with him, and I’d chosen to blind myself to the truth. I remembered now, all the times I’d caught them out, but they’d managed to play it off. That time I came home from school early, the coughs I’d heard when I was ill, that delirium dream, which had probably been real, minus the dog part. So many times, but I’d talked myself out of the truth.

Because I loved who I was with them, how I felt with them, and what my future could be with them as my mates. No, it wasn’t conventional, it was insane, but people broke the rules all the time. My family had, but we’d stuck together. They’d stand by me if I chose to continue with this relationship. Even if nobody else would.

Becky came back a few days later, and she was in tears. She and Mike had split up while she was at home, and she was heartbroken. It was my turn to comfort her, to be the one to take care of her, and I did the best I could. I was sick a few more times, but I knew it was stress. I wanted to call the boys, but something stopped me.

Maybe it was the way Becky had talked about them as if they were some kind of perverts or the fact that she’d broken up with Mike because he kept pushing for group sex. I didn’t want to lose her friendship, not when she’d been so kind to me but I needed them. The longer I lived without them, the more I knew I couldn’t go on much longer without them in my life.

I’d turn to tell him something, only he wasn’t there. I’d reach for him in the darkness, but he wasn’t there. Even if he was a ‘them’, I wanted the one that gave me what I needed at any specific moment. I needed the Bentley brothers, period. And I needed them desperately.

I put it off because of Becky, but two more weeks passed and she was still hating men in general. I wanted to talk to her about it, to warn her but she was so negative about everything that I stayed quiet.

My nausea finally disappeared, about the time the emails and texts stopped altogether, and I could finally open up my browser without 500 notifications about what a whore I was and did I suck cock as well as the bathroom wall said I did. I walked around campus with my head high, my stomach was no longer a mess, and I got on with life.

Until the day I saw one of the brothers. He was there, waiting for me when I got off work, and I just couldn’t say no.