Chapter Sixteen: Ezra

It was already afternoon when I opened my eyes the next morning to find a naked Lacey wrapped around me, still sleeping soundly, her dark lashes fluttering as she dreamed. For a long time, I didn’t move. I couldn’t because I didn’t want this moment to end. I didn’t want her to wake; I didn’t want her to pull abruptly away from me, ashamed or embarrassed, covering herself with a sheet as she made excuses as to why last night had been such a bad idea.

Friends.

We were just friends.

The first night we’d been together had been a one-time thing, or so we’d agreed upon. And now, after one too many drinks and far too much time spent together, we were here again. How would she feel about it? Would she resent me for coming onto her? Would she hate herself for letting it happen? Of course, I knew how I felt about it, but I wasn’t sure that Lacey was on the same page.

Friends.

We were just friends.

But, God, I didn’t know where to go from here. I wanted more from her; I wanted all of her. I didn’t want to go home, step back, and have to share her with anybody … but I also knew that I couldn’t give her what she wanted, which was commitment. Marriage. A family. Because I’d fuck it up, I’d mess it up before it could even begin, and then not only would I lose my best friend, but also any chance I ever had to love someone so desperately.

I feared having her because the prospect of losing her frightened me even more.

You can’t lose something you never had, I thought bitterly, allowing my fingers to trail gently up and down her naked skin. Our vacation was nearing an end. Soon, we would be home, back to the reality of our lives and the actuality of the situation. Lacey would go back to dating the douchebags she met at the club, and I’d continue to fuck every girl in sight. And I would do that because it was the only distraction from Lacey that had ever worked for as long as I could remember. Those women meant nothing to me, nothing at all, but if I was focused on them, I couldn’t concentrate on her.

I sighed, but it must have been louder than anticipated because Lacey finally stirred, shifting a little as her eyelids fluttered open and she looked at me. She said nothing at all for a long moment, and I could almost see the wheels spinning in her head. Would she panic? Freak out? Tense up?

“Hi,” she said instead, and relief flooded through me. Her voice was soft; no judgment laced her tone.

“Good morning,” I said back, not bothering to remove my arm from around her body. She continued to look up at me, pulling her slightly swollen lips between her teeth to chew on them. God, I was unconditionally crazy for her. I’d never been so nervous to experience a reaction from a woman I’d just slept with. The only emotions I cared about were Lacey’s. The only opinion that mattered to me was Lacey’s.

“So,” she said after another minute of silence, finally releasing my eyes from hers. “So much for that one-time thing, huh?”

Relieved, I chuckled, allowing my hand to continue caressing the bare skin of her arm. Lacey shivered, closing her eyes briefly, and she made no move to get up and bail.

“Maybe we should just consider this week a free pass,” I offered, hoping she wouldn’t be offended by the idea. And when she frowned, I wondered if I’d just said something stupid.

“You could be right,” she said finally. “We haven’t stuck to our pact very well, have we?”

“This can be fun,” I added, going along with it. “Nothing will change between us. We’ll enjoy the week like any other couple, and then once we’re home, things can just go back to normal. It’ll be a memory. A secret between the two of us.”

Lacey nodded, but she wouldn’t look at me, focusing on the bed sheet instead, picking at a piece of lint that ended up in sight. “A secret,” she repeated. “Yeah, Ezra, we can keep it a secret.”

I realized my shitty choice of words as the words left her mouth, and I shook my head quickly. “That’s not what I meant,” I said, but Lacey was already untangling herself from the bed sheets and, more specifically, my hold on her. She didn’t bother covering up as she got to her feet, and as she walked across the room to find some fresh clothes in her backpack, her ass swayed, taunting me, and my prick stiffened beneath the blankets. “Lacey,” I repeated. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, I know,” she said, leaning over her backpack. Her firm breasts teased me, her curvy body moving with such subtle sexiness that I almost fucking came just watching her move around.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. She knew what she had, and she was using it against me.

“Are you angry?” I asked stupidly, resisting the physical urge I had to shove her down to the floor and fuck her.

“I’m not angry,” she said, turning her body away to head to the bathroom for a shower. Her face revealed no anger, but her voice was tight. I knew her better than that. As I opened my mouth to speak, she briefly stopped and met my gaze again. “Why should anyone have to know, anyway?” she asked. “Nothing will ever be serious between us. Don’t worry, it’s our little secret.”

As Lacey disappeared into the bathroom, I slapped my hand to my forehead, wishing that the conversation had gone any other possible way but that one. Last night with Lacey had been something out of some fucking fantasy, and the first thing I’d done this morning was open my big mouth and put her in a sour mood. She didn’t know that if I had it my way, I would be with her every night and every moment of every day. I would cherish her. Love her. Make her as happy as an asshole like me could possibly make her.

But that wasn’t reality. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t—and wouldn’t—risk losing the most important woman in my life.

Still lying in bed as she finished her shower, I reached for my phone on the nightstand, reading a new text from Elijah. My family wanted us to all have lunch together. Fucking joy.

Mandatory? I typed back, wanting more than anything else to avoid an awkward conversation with my family and spend the day making things up to Lacey instead. But alas, we were still here for one reason only: my brother’s wedding. And there was a good chance Lacey wouldn’t let me skip it, anyway.

Mandatory, Elijah replied. Bring Lacey, too.

I tossed my phone aside with a sigh as Lacey came out of the bathroom, freshly washed and fully dressed in a flowing skirt and a white tank top that, of course, accentuated her perky breasts. Her hair was down again, enticing me, and I had to take a breath so I wouldn’t fall back into total, mind-numbing infatuation.

“My parents and brother want us all to have lunch,” I told Lacey as she busied herself folding clothes into her backpack, making it a point not to look at me. “Is that something you’re okay with?”

She nodded, looking relieved, actually, which kind of offended me. “Sounds great,” she said, running her hands through her damp hair. “It will be good to focus on why we’re here, right?”

“Right,” I mumbled. “For sure.”

“Bathroom is all yours,” she told me, tearing her gaze away again. “I’m going to head down to the café for a cup of coffee. Meet me there, and we can find your family for lunch?”

“Sure.” Of course, I wasn’t satisfied leaving things like this, but there was nothing I could do about it now. Maybe once lunch was over, I could take Lacey somewhere quiet, and we could talk about things, and I mean, actually talk about things instead of glossing over these nights with awkward chit-chat and hurt feelings. I wanted to know what was going on in her head. I had to know.

As Lacey walked towards the front door to leave, she stopped briefly and turned back to look at me. She said nothing at all for a long moment, and when I thought she was about to change her mind about speaking altogether, she finally did.

“For what it’s worth,” she said softly. “Last night was a lot of fun. I don’t regret it.” And then, before I could respond to this, she was out the door.