Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-One
The air become thick between the pair of us. The moment begun to feel like an eternity and his cheeks grew paler with each second that passed us by. I could tall just by looking at him that he was waiting for me to say something, but the truth is, I had no idea what to say. If anything, the one thing I wanted to talk about was the deceit of our parents…or rather my parents.
I was still trying to get use to that part. The fact my parents were not his. Each and every corner of this situation felt unbelievably incomprehensible. Although, a part of me felt somewhat happy this had now become the new reality between Mason and I, but regret seeped through me within I felt pleased about it.
“Alana, you don’t mean that.” Mason says in a low tone, breaking my bundles of thoughts. I realise I have been standing there in deep thought, reliving all our mistakes between the two of us. It was as if I was finally questioning where we are supposed to go from here. Maybe I could let the awkwardness float away and allow Mason to do what he pleased with me. I believe I had been trying my best to avoid such consideration.

“You’re right. I don’t.” I respond flatly, averting my gaze to the very boring small painting on the wall above the bed. It was a basic abstract type of style. The bright red always seemed to distract my mind a little and, in this instance, I had hope it will distract me from Mason’s presence.
“I couldn’t sleep last night.” Mason begins, his eyes fixated on the dull blue carpet. “I kept thinking about what you would be doing up here, whether you’d be studying like crazy just like you do at home…or if you were out partying or something.” He finishes, his voice breaking slightly at the very end. He seemed slightly awkward in this exact moment and it was strange to seem him like this.
“Partying?” I scoff, “Mason, you know I don’t party.”
He shrugs at me, sitting down at the end of the bed. “I know but…you’re growing up.”

“So?” I say, sitting down next to me. Suddenly the atmosphere no longer feels so strange and uncommon. It wasn’t often that I felt exactly comfortable with Mason, hence my uneasiness around him majority of the time. However, this time things started to feel a little more natural and a part of me was hoping it would last.
“So, you are growing apart from me.”
“Apart from you?”
Mason clears his throat and I watch how his hands clasp together. “We’ve always been so close, you know? It’s hard to let you go after all the years together.”
“You talk like Dad sometimes. You know that?” I respond jokingly with a smirk.
“That’s because I practically brought you up.”

I look at him, confusion filling me. “I’m sorry? What?”
“You don’t remember?”
I shake my head, wondering what the hell he is talking about. Mason’s eyebrows furrow and I watch his eyes carefully as his lips part. “Remember when Mum and Dad had those horrible 2 years and we stayed with Dad, because Mum was too ill to take care of us?”
I nod, willing him to continue.
“Well,” He exhales. “Dad was so busy with work and I was the one who took care of you most of the time throughput those 2 years.” His voice seems to fade away and my heart begins to slow. The moment of my life he is talking about was the one part of my life that I had spent years trying to block out. The memories of which seeped back in my mind seemed blurry but yet somewhat memorable at the least.

“I don’t expect you to remember. You were 11 years old and very traumatised by the whole thing.”
I shake my head slightly, blinking rapidly. “No…I-I remember. Kind of.”
Mason’s eyes widen a little in what seems to be a sign of happiness. “So, you would also know that you depended on me for almost everything and I was like-“
“My guardian angel…” I finish, remembering what I use to call him back then, my tiny, miniature voice echoing through my mind once again, forcing me to relive the moments.
“Yes.” He says, surprise evident in his glossy eyes. “Is this not usually the part when you say, ‘Oh but we’re brother and sister’?” He says, a slight scoff leaving his lips. I chuckle along with him but yes, he was right. This is usually the part where I would lecture him about us being siblings and the way we carry on being ‘inappropriate’ although I have found myself in a new situation, one I cannot share with Mason this time.
Instead of answering him, I just sit and look. I admire the perfect curve of his face, down to his cheeks and along his chiselled jaw. Mason always was a picture of perfection, but at the same time he was another but perfect. His imperfections made him real. Maybe that’s why I always found him an appealing person. His dark brown hair flopped over his fair head and I could tell he had no doubt been wind swept outside. I hastily lift my hand up, moving a strange away from this eye and I see him watching me carefully as I do. Touching any part of him even for a split second felt like minutes that grew to longer durations. Just the look at him makes my heart thud so hard that it could practically burst through my chest. I believe a part of him sensed that as I catch the corner of his lip turning up in what seemed like amusement.

“What?” I ask, despite already having a hunch about his thoughts. His eyes travel down my body and before I can say anything else, he pushes me backwards onto the bed, climbing up the bed until he is hovering right over me. I purse my lips, suddenly afraid. I was not afraid of him however; I was afraid of my own feelings. Any longer moments with Mason could escalate so easily and a small part of me was still trying to keep us both under control.
“I know you feel the same.” I hear him whisper and his lips lower down to my ear, beginning to softly nibble. My heart is beginning to thud twice as loud as before. I begin to wonder if he can hear it. I hope not.
“Mason…” I begin, my voice breaking a little from shattered nerves spreading throughout my body. There is hesitance within me, yet my body is frozen.
“Yes, Alana?” He answers me, continuing to nibble softly at my earlobe. I part my lips to speak once again but then I feel his cool lips at my neck, leaving tender kisses along my skin, travelling tower and lower. No. This can’t happen.

“Mason, stop.” I manage but my words come out breathlessly. To my surprise he stops almost instantly and when I look down, his face is at my stomach, his hand placed at the hem of my t-shirt.
“I’m sorry.” He frowns, letting go and slowly sitting up. I follow his movement, sitting up with him but this time without control, I find myself cupping the side of his face into my small hand. He seems as surprised as me as his eyes look down at my action.
“Mason. I do love you…” I admit but deep down I am cursing myself for the admission.
“Y-you do?”
I nod. “Yes, I do. I just can’t though…”

“Alana, what is that supposed to mean?” His expression falls once again after a short second of hope that he must have held onto.
“You know what it means. We can’t do this. You know that.”
“We could. Alana, this is so difficult for me.”
“I know.” I say lowly, dropping my hand from his face. He takes it in his, not allowing it to fall from him and the quick action shocks me a little.
“You mean so much more than just a sister. You’re my soulmate. I am meant to be with you. I can feel it.”

“Don’t-”
“No, listen to me…I want to have a chance. At least let me show you?” His words curl around me like a tempting trap. I don’t know how to respond but I do indeed know what I want, and it matches his needs for me. I know it would be wrong though, despite not being bound by blood we have still grown up together and it still does not feel natural to me. I feel like I’m taking advantage of our situation, a situation Mason has no clue about. If our parents found out, I don’t think they would be happy with me. Mum would assume I only did it all just because she told me Mason was not actually my brother. Mine and Mason’s actions could end up firing back at me, portraying me as some sick daughter who wanted to get into his pants, taking advantage of his vulnerability.

“Alana…?” He prompts me for response, tugging lightly on my hand and my eyes snap up to meet his. That is when I knew.