Chapter 189 I want to hate you

Chapter 189 I want to hate you
CALUM
Cathy must have seen those pictures. If the email didn’t solidify her hurt, the picture did. I rub a finger over my brow and redirect my attention to the box on the floor. A different kind of fear wraps around me as I count up to fifteen bubble gums. 

The pieces of the puzzle fit into place, and a groan tunnels out of my lips. I broke her heart, but she was still hoping until Yani.

These were her good luck charms.  

The first time I had to meet Scott, Cathy gave me a gum because she believed it was a good luck charm. Her mum would give her one before she sang. And now, she kept one each time we performed. There had to be more than twenty. We didn’t have up to twenty shows within that period. Or, was it for Sam, Lucas, and I? She was wishing us luck? 

My heart clenches. The sound of the water running shuts off and I hurriedly shove the items back to the shelf. My eyes dart to the bathroom, waiting for it to open. It doesn’t.  

I walk backwards until the back of my legs hit the bed. In my haste to steady myself, I clutch the nearest object on the bed, eyes closing as my knees hit the floor. Pain shoots up my thighs, I unclench my fists, and a lacy material drops to the floor. 

Blood rushes to my cock as I take in the sight of Cathy’s underwear at my knees. I grab her panties and sniff it. The smell of her pussy is still fresh and the milky crust on the lower part of the underwear hardens my cock. The image of her naked body under the shower flows into my head. 

We need to talk. Then we need to fuck.

I shove the panties into my pocket when the door opens. Cathy steps out and halts.

“Calum?” 

“Cathy.” My throat dries up. I need to speak. But what are words? I stand. “I was hoping I could get a towel or something to clean up. There’s none in the bathroom. No toothbrush. You promised to get them.” 

“Oh, sorry.” Her eyes lower to the spot her underwear should be, and mine drops to her chest. The towel might be providing her some decency but my brain is filling in the blank. My dick does a little jerk. I put my hands into my pockets to hide the evidence of my erection. She looks away from the bed to me but doesn’t ask the question I suspect she wants to. “Yeah. I’ll go get that.” 

Her steps are uncertain. She ransacks her wardrobe and sighs. “You wanted a towel?”

“Yes,” I reply. Preferably the one she has on.

Words gallop through my mind but I can’t form a coherent statement. The thread of sanity I’m clinging to vanishes when Cathy squats. She’s wearing only a towel—a short towel, and when she bends, it hitches up, exposing the lower part of her ass. Did they grow softer? I know they are bigger. That much is obvious, even her boobs. I need to find a way to get out of here before I come in my briefs. 

“If you can just show me where to get them, I’ll do it myself,” I say. She straightens up with her back to me. But my mind replays that image of her butt. Was it intentional? Even the short towel? No, she didn’t know I was coming. “I don’t want to bother you.” 

“Yeah. I’ll just put on my clothes,” she says while pulling a gown over her head to hide her body. Knowing she’s naked underneath the gown does more harm than good. My dick throbs painfully and when she whips to face me, I almost beg her to touch me. “Let’s go. We should find some downstairs.” 

I’m nodding and walking, I want to be out of here. We walk down the stairs in silence. It’s like being in Pete’s house, but now we are strangers. I sneak a glance at her a few times but her gaze remains straight ahead. In the laundry room, she pulls out a clean towel and offers me a toothbrush she pulls out from God knows where. I don’t protest. 

“Goodnight, Calum,” Cathy mutters without looking at me. My stomach growls. Her eyes flutter up to my face. “You’re hungry.” 

I’m not sure if the truth is the right answer so I keep mute. I did eat before coming to the house, but it seems like a while ago. I should have cooked for two instead of only her. She walks out of the laundry room and I follow, hugging the towel to my chest. I find her in the kitchen searching through her fridge while mumbling under her breath.

“Cathy, it’s fine,” I say to her. I can deal with hunger for tonight. She cuts me a sharp look. “Really. I’m fine. I’ll be fine for one night.”  

“I’m not going to let you starve on my watch.” 

My eyes smile but my lips remain in a frown as my heart rejoices. She cares. Cathy still cares about me. I try to help but she waves off my offer and whips up a sandwich for two. She sets it on the counter with a glass of juice. 

“Thanks for buying them,” Cathy murmurs, her gaze straying to the bread, mayonnaise, and eggs still out in the open. 

Stocking the house was the least I could do for them. The kitchen was almost empty. 

“Thanks for the food.” She nods. Her eyes close as she leans back on the fridge. She’s exhausted, and I want to make her feel better. “Do you need help with anything?”

“It’s fine, thank you.” 

“I’m happy to help, Catherine.” 

“Cathy,” she says. “And I’m fine.” 

Our blues meet. She’s working so hard to keep me out. I want my Cathy. The annoying, impulsive Cathy who worked all my buttons, gave me temple kisses, and liked to cuddle. 

I take a bite of my sandwich. “Are you sure you are not hungry? It has been a while since you ate.” She glares at me and I take it as my cue to shut up. But I can’t. “I don’t know if I said it but I’m sorry for your loss.” 

“Just shut up, Calum.” 

Okay. I can’t shut up, but she needs silence for a bit. I finish the first sandwich and hold up the second. “You should eat something.” 

Her mouth opens and closes. She swipes a hand across her nose and stalks towards me. Scowling, she snatches the sandwich from me. I pour her a glass of juice, quiet as she devours the sandwich. We sit in silence for the next few minutes after she’s done. I sit beside her, a little distance between us. 

“Cathy,” I whisper.

“Shut. Up,” she whispers in return. 

She won’t make this easy on me. I clear the table, do the dishes. I would have cleaned up the whole house if it would earn me a bit of her forgiveness but the whole place is sparkling. I settle back down beside her. 

A sniff breaks the quiet. At first I want to comment on it, but a tear drops to the counter. Cathy’s crying. She’s crying so silently I almost didn’t hear it. I’m not sure what to do. I hug her from behind. She tries to fight me but I tighten my hold on her.

“Go away,” she cries. I went away once. I’m not going anywhere this time. “Leave. Go.” 

By now, I know Cathy doesn’t mean it. She wants me here with them even if her words and actions say otherwise. I push the chair so she’s facing me, then I scoop her into my arms. Her punches are weak and they feel more like a massage. Sitting back in my chair, I hum the tune of the song that brought us together. Parts of the song no longer apply to me like they did that year but right now, I’m deeply overwhelmed. 

Cathy’s eyes lift to mine. Tears cling to her lower lashes and my heart breaks again. I am not giving up on us, no matter how long it takes. I’ll take it one piece at a time until we are both whole again. 

“I want to hate you,” she says. “I hate you.” 

But her arms tighten around my waist. I don’t stop singing and when her eyes shut and her breathing falls into rhythm, I press a kiss to her hair. “I love you, my superstar.” 

Cathy doesn’t stir on the way to her room. I set her down on her bed and pull the cover over her waist. She moans but continues sleeping and I plant another kiss on her nose. I want to claim her lips but we are not at that stage. I want to be intimate with her.

Stopping at the door, I grin at my two best people in the world. My son. My superstar. Mum made me miss out on this, and in the process, she missed out on it as well. She doesn’t know she has a grandson and I’m not sure I want to be the one to tell her. 

I switch off the lights and rush downstairs to get the towel and toothbrush. Back to my room, I shed my clothes and Cathy’s panties drop out of my pocket. I pick it up and sniff it again. The heady scent makes me harder. I don’t remember dropping to the bed but the hand holding the lacy panties wraps around my cock. I picture her ass, the faint stretch marks that weren’t present when we were still together. Her body has changed in more ways than one, and I want to learn it all over again, to worship her. 

A groan shoots out of my lips. I prop my head on the headboard, the image of her ass replays in my head, followed by that of her tongue running over her lips. I pump faster, pretend it’s Cathy who has her hand wrapped around my dick until I come all over her panties. 

Waves of bliss crash over me. My breath rushes out fast, and my lips turn down at the cum that escaped to the bedsheet. I tug it off and head to the bathroom for a bath. This will be a long night.