Respects

*Her*

**Four years later**

I stepped out of my car, feeling the weight of my heart as it sank in my chest. I smoothed down skirt of my dress, picking off a piece of lint that stuck out against the black fabric.

“Miss Aberra?”

I turned to face a sad looking man who held a funeral wreath in his hands. I offered him a soft smile.

He nodded stiffly, “Where would you like me to put these?”

I didn’t even read who they were from and pointed toward the building, “Ask reception, I’m not entirely sure.”

As soon as he walked away, I shut my eyes tightly, surprised my voice hadn’t trembled when I spoke.

Graduation was only a month away, and if you told me that I would be living a trauma that beat the pain I felt when I had graduated high school? I wouldn’t have believed you.

I walked into the room where they would be showing his body and I was surprised to find Brian standing all alone.

“Brian?”

He turned to me, approaching me with his arms wide. I let him hug me. I let myself take in his warmth and inhaled the soft scent of his cologne.

His lips brushed my forehead, “I’m so sorry.”

I nodded against his chest before unwrapping my arms from his waist and smiled at him, “Thank you for being here.”

“Of course, I’ll always be here for you.”

My chest prickled and I took a step away from him. He looked down at me and I knew then what I had only assumed for so long.

He was in love with me.

He had been my first friend in college. He had been the one to pick me up from the floor after I’d black out at frat parties, and the one to help with my hangover. It wasn’t soon after we met that he began with the longing stares and soft touches that lasted longer than necessary. He never pushed it and never brought it up.

I was more than fine with that.

Mostly, at least. Some nights when I had gotten just a bit too drunk I would think about kissing him. Wondering if it would feel just as good.

But I knew it wouldn’t. Because no one else felt right, why would it be any different with him.

I awkwardly nodded, and made my way to the front of the room, stopping just before the coffin. I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat and shook my head, opting to take the first seat rather than approach the coffin.

My fingers turned white as I wrung them together, my chest shaking with an impending attack of sobs.

We thought he had made it. He had been in recession and awaited the doctor to officially declare him cancer free. But it came back, stronger than before. Chemo did nothing, and I had to watch him wither away.

Just when we had begun to mend what was broken. Just when we had begun to trust each other again.

Voices grew behind me as people began to arrive and fill the room. I kept my head down, irritated and hoping no one would come speak to me.

I knew Rick. I knew my dad, he wouldn’t have wanted a funeral. He wouldn’t have wanted all of these people to come and look at his dead body.

But he had no specifications in his will, his friends insisted, and I had little fight left in me.

I was completely alone. No friends, no family. Alone.

“Inesa?”

The familiar voice sent a shiver through my spine and I stood up rigidly. I inhaled sharply as I looked at Liz’s saddened eyes.

She offered me a soft smile and hugged me quickly. I didn’t even have time to return the gesture before she stepped away.

“I’m so sorry.”

I nodded, watching her carefully. She said the words, but they held no meaning to me. My eyes shifted, watching as another familiar face walked toward us to stand beside her.

Micah.

My chest burned and I looked back at Liz, who suddenly looked nervous.

“What are you doing here?” I was genuinely curious, though I sounded angry.

My gaze oscillated between the two of them as they attempted to defend themselves.

Liz stuttered, “I- we just wanted to pay our respects.”

“Why? You haven’t spoken to me or my father in years.”

“You were my best friend, In, I just wanted to be here.”

Micah stood silently, not even attempting to speak. It was then that I realized they had come together. My chest burned even more painfully and my breath came in short, sharp bursts.

“Well, pay your respects then,” I walked away, not looking back.

I hid out in the bathroom for an hour, and when I came back, the speeches had started.