50

I'm absolutely dreading this. What do I even tell my brother? It's already difficult for me to lie to him, thanks to his bullshit radar, so how can I pull this off? I'm silent on the drive to the apartments and so is Jaewook. Once we reach my door, he reaches out to squeeze my hand in reassurance. "I'm going to gather my things," he says to me. "What do you mean?" "I'm not living there anymore. I'm done." "But where are you going to go? You need to get a place to live." "I've been looking for a while now and have a few places in mind, but—" His eyes shift around as his mind thinks about something. "I'll just stay with Hansoo for now." "Okay," I say to just brush it off. He leaves to open his own door and I do the same with mine. My heart jumps in a panic to find Zen sitting at the table right in front of me. "Geez, you scared me," I say with a hand over my heart. "I scared you? What a joke." He stands up, all signs of my goofy older brother gone as he looks at me with a fierce gaze. "Where the hell have you been?" "I was just at a friend's house with Jaewook. I forgot my phone, that's all—" he cuts me off abruptly. "Bullshit. The lady that lives across from us told me that the police came to Jaewook's place. Then they knocked on my door asking if I know anything. Do you know how terrifying that is? To have the police ask you if you know anything about what happened to the man living next to you? The man who just so happens to be related to my sister's boyfriend? And then to see your phone just laying there, forgotten, which I know you never forget to take with you. It's bloody bullshit Destiny, just tell me the truth." My body feels like it's on fire, but I'm not able to make myself move. I can feel my throat constricting, unsure of what words to let out as my mind whirlwinds. "I—I don't know what to say," I say honestly before grabbing a chair to sit down. "What's wrong with your voice?" I look up cautiously at my brother before letting my head fall onto my arms. It's like the dam I've built up the past few days in the hospital has collapsed entirely. I don't want to cry, I've been doing my best to not cry anymore, but it's like I have no control over my body or mind anymore. Zen sits in the chair next to me. "What the hell did he do?" "N-nothing, he did nothing," I say to defend Jaewook through my sobs. "I don't care if he didn't directly do whatever it is that happened, but he's part of it. It's because of him that shit has been happening to you. It's because of him that you're crying right now." I can't stand the anger in Zen's voice right now. I almost never hear it, so when I do I never really know how to react. I flinch when I feel his fingers move my hair away from my neck. I move back quickly. "What the hell is that? Why are there bruises on your neck?" While the bruising wasn't very bad to begin with—often times strangulation doesn't leave much of a mark on the outside as it does on the inside—there are still enough soft purple marks to make anyone worried. "How the fuck did you get those?" It's all over now, I can't lie. I'm hysterical as I try to defend Jaewook, but he remains stoic as he watches me. "It was his father," I get out, the harsh words hurting my throat as they leave my mouth. Zen's eyes take in the information and his mind seems to circulate beyond the dark irises for longer than I thought. And then, as if having a conversation with himself inside his own mind, he comes to some sort of conclusion. "That's it. I know he's a good guy, but that's it. It's over." He says this casually as he gets up from the table. "What?" "It's over Dee. You don't just date the guy, you're dating the family and friends surrounding him too, and that's it. Break it off. This is toxic, don't you see that? Do you even hear yourself?" I startle at the loudness of his words. Then the bell rings. We both know who it is, but Zen beats me to the door. Jaewook's eyes immediately round when he sees my crying face. "Please leave," Zen says with a straight face. Jaewook looks up at him with a mix of panic and confusion. "What do you mean?" "Look at what you did to my sister. I know you're a good kid, but I can't stand by and watch my sister get beaten up by your family." "It won't happen again. I'm leaving for good, I'll make sure he never sees her again." Jaewook sounds more confident than ever before as he makes a point of looking my brother right in the eye. "I swear." Zen is still clearly infuriated, as seen by the veins protruding from his neck and the scarlet colour of his face. But he falters as if fighting with himself on what to do. "You're not dad, you can't tell me what's right for me," I softly say. "Don't—don't take him away from me." The vulnerability and desperation behind my words would embarrass me if I was in my right mind. But I'm not. "Fine, get out, stay. Do whatever you want. I don't care anymore." And with that Zen pushes past Jaewook and leaves. Jaewook just watches me for a bit, as if waiting to approach an unknown animal, trying to figure out if it's safe or not. "Do you want to stay here?" He asks very cautiously. "No, let's get out." I hastily get up and wipe away my tears. Before leaving, I fill a bag with things that may last me a week. Jaewook has his luggage with him already, waiting by the door with wide doe eyes trying to take in as much as they can. "I'll text Hansoo," he says after a while of just watching me rummage through the place. Before leaving I pause to pet a confused Podo. He meows in a somewhat worried way, as if asking a question. "Take care of Zen." And then I leave with my bag, heading to poor Hansoo's place once again. . . . "I'm going to need to start charging rent," Hansoo says jokingly as he opens the door. But neither Jaewook or myself are in the mood to joke back. "I'm sorry Hansoo," I plead, feeling so overwhelmed by absolutely everything that I don't even know how to control myself any longer. "I'm sorry, I'll ask to stay at my friend's house starting tomorrow." Sunny has an important design project due tonight, and I really don't want to interrupt because God knows she'll give up on it entirely if she sees how distressed I am. "No, it's okay. It's a relatively big apartment for only one guy. I like the company." "You're a great guy Hansoo. Now if you don't mind, I think," I can barely see the face in front of me as I feel my body shut down. "I'm going to go sleep." "Noona," Jaewook grabs my elbow as I begin to slouch dangerously. "Take her to the room," Hansoo says. Dropping my bag, Jaewook lifts me up without a second thought and brings me to the bed we slept in some nights ago. Or was that last night? I'm beginning to lose all sense of time. What day is it? I can't even bother to ask as I'm laid down on the soft bed. Jaewook peers down at me, lips slightly parted in worry as he brushes my hair away from my face. "Rest Noona. Sleep as much as you want, okay? No one will interrupt you." "Okay," I mumble as my eyelids grow too heavy for me to lift. "I love you, so much, you know that right?" "Mhm," Is all I can mutter as I nod my head. My eyes are now closed for good for the day as I feel Jaewook's soft lips lightly lay on my forehead. Then I hear his steady steps lead out of the room. Once I hear the click of the door closing, I'm asleep. ...