31

31
Fifty thousand-four hundred seconds.

Four hundred and one.

Four hundred and two.

Four hundred and three—

“Aren’t you tired? You’ve been up for a while. It doesn’t take much lack of sleep to drive a human insane. Just 72 hours.”

58 hours until I’m deemed clinically insane from lack of sleep. I almost look forward to it.

The shocks have stopped. For now. If I could just see Scarlet I’d just die. If I didn’t have to protect her, I’d break this capsule right now.

This is my fault. I got lazy. Complacent. Comfortable.

What a prison a body is.

I try to float away from it.

“Where is Scarlet?”

“This again? Okay. Play it that way.”

A buzzer sounds. The door opens. So it’s locked from the inside. Of course it is. It’ll be hard to escape. Sounds like there’s no badges, someone has to buzz them in and out. 

Fuck.

They put a bag on my head. I hear the swishing of water. My stomach drops. Fuck. 

You can take it. You know what’s coming. Prepare you heart. 

I try to imagine what comes next, prepare my body and mind for it.

My tongue slides over the capsule. One bite. But I’m not that weak. Not yet.

They remove me from the wall but not the shaxkles. I could probably use them to strangle this guy, but I wouldn’t get out.

And more importantly, they’d probably kill Red. I need to think of some false information quick. If I don’t they’ll kill her anyway.

My back is against cool concrete. The walls are probably concrete too, soundproof. If she were next door I wouldn’t hear her scream. I clench my fists.

“One last time, Agent Kyro, just for record, what is the VIA planning to do with the bluepints?”

“Which…which blueprints again?” I grumble, stalking.

“The—I’ll humor you—the blueprints of the Robin Project.”

“I don’t have those blueprints. I never look at classified information. My clearance isn’t high enough—“

“Do it.”

The privilege of breathing is snatched from me, as I drown, every part of my body alerting me to the danger.

You won’t die. It’s waterboarding. He’s going to stop soon. It won’t do him any good if you get brain damage. You’re not drowning—you just feel like you are.

I huff, my brain racing. My ability to think is slowing down. I think my web of lies is good. Time to start spinning.

“Okay! Okay. They were gonna sell them. That’s all I know.”

“To who?”

“I don’t know—”

I take the time I’m drowning to imagine Red. She’s smiling at me and we’re in her bed.

“Who?”

“Let me see Red. Just one second, just to see if she’s okay—“

“Aw. Is that what you call her? So sweet. Again.”

You’re safe. You’re okay. You’re with Red. 

I can take more. I’ll die when I see she’s okay. 

“You know something?” I pant.

“What is it?” 

I can hear his grin.

“I might die here.”

“Duh.”

“But if I don’t…” I chuckle. “You have no idea what I’ll do to you. I know your voice now. It’s all I need.”

“…Again.”

It doesn’t matter. I’m working. I’m good at my job. I leave my body for a while. He won’t tell me anything. He won’t show me here now.

Let’s deprive him of my consciousness, see what he does.

I focus on the seconds with one half, Red with the other.

Sixty one thousand, two hundred sixteen seconds.

Seventeen.

Eighteen.

I do that for a while. They waterboard me every 15 seconds, roughly. They try to change it up so I don’t expect it, but an average is enough for me to prep myself.

The tune from Red’s nightmares is what I focus on. I him it in my head over and over and over, while keeping the seconds.

“You’re a tough bastard aren’t you?” He asks over the intercom.

I chuckle. “What’s your name, kid?”

“Kid?” I hear his frown.

“What are you? 25? 26? I was like you once.”

It’s quiet. He can’t be naive enough to fall for this.

“Eager to please. To serve god and country. To hunt the enemy down. But I learned something, eventually. Everyone is an enemy when you don’t know why you’re fighting.”

“Again.”

Her song plays while I drown in the dark, dark like her eyes.

“Everything you do will return to you. Whatever you’ve done to others will happen to you. Do know how many times I’ve been on the other side of the intercom?”

“Again.”

Hm, hm, hm.

Sixty one thousand and six hundred seconds.

“I guess your heart is already dead. Maybe you never had one. Maybe I killed that kid. But you put a bomb in her cells. I mean,” I laugh, “What kinda sick shit is that?”

“Again.”

Hm, hm, hm.

Sixty one thousand and eight hundred seconds.

“But,” I cough out water. “You know what I find more ironic? Austriland calls us terrorists. But who does the the terrorizing? Who started that war?”

“Again. I’m not here to hear your lectures. What is VIA doing with the blueprints?”

“Can I be worse than your plans. I guess it’s your idea huh? You seem like the type.”

“This is clearly not working. What do we do? Start plucking fingernails? Teeth?”

“Where is Scarlett?”

He’s quiet for a moment. The intercom goes off. It clicks back on.

“Are you not afraid of death, Kyro?”

“Why would I be afraid of an old friend? I’ve been waiting for him. Anxiously. Wanna give me what I want?”

“…you really are a tough nut. But every nut cracks eventually.”

I chuckle. 

“Why are you laughing?”

“You said nut.”

“How immature! How are you laughing!”

“Meh.”

We sit for a minute, a stand off. In 17 hours he’s gotten nothing. 

“I could just kill you.”

“And get who? A low level grunt who definitely knows nothing? Go for it.”

“Why are you being so hardheaded? You just know what comes next, Kyro. Naked. Cold. Starving. We’ll have you shitting a diaper and sitting it. And forget about sleep. Things can get much worse for you, and they will. Help yourself.”

I nod. “Because you won’t show me her. You will have to kill me unless I see her, and you let her go.”

“You’re in no position to make demands. You may be strong now, but after another few days of this you won’t be.”

“And how will you get your information then?”

“From your addled, discombobulated, desperate mind. Breaking a man is easy.”

“Of course it is. We’re all flesh and blood.” I murmur. “Putting a man back together—that’s difficult. I’ll tell you. Just show her to me.”

“…Chain him back up.”

I’m so tired.

I’m losing the melody. Losing track of time. I’m losing it.

I’ve been tired for a while. I want to quit. I want to go. I want to die, so badly, it hurts. 

“You’re right about one thing: it is easy to break a man.” 

The bag and blindfold are removed. There’s a two way mirror, reflecting me, broken and tired. Concrete walls. Just like I through. All white. Water is still on the floor in the bucket eating for me. Plenty of tools on a tray. I know which each of them are for.

I’ve used most of them.

“You say you won’t say anything until you see your Red, right?“

I grit my teeth. Don’t call her that. Only I call I that.

“That’s right.”

“Okay.”

The mirror illuminates showing me the other side. She stands there eyes wide. Why did they make her watch?

“Agent Scarlet,”

Agent?

Agent?

“She did an excellent job didn’t she? I mean…world class. On par with you. Better, clearly.”

“Scarlet?” 

She clenched her jaw and looks away. I can’t breathe. I can’t even.—I laugh.

“Oh god,” I laugh. “Actually that makes sense. I can’t believe I fell for that. What a rookie move.”

I’m so…so tired. I can’t. There’s no point anymore. I slump against the wall.

“None of it was true, was it? None of it,” I whisper. 

And even though through all of this I kept my composure, this is the one torture I wasn’t prepared for. One I can’t lie my way out of. 

Tears cut through the grime as I shake my head. “Wow. I…you got me. You’re really…you’re a much better spy than I could ever be.”

Suddenly all the little things flood back.

Her apologies. The wine. Her talking from the couch to cover the sound of the pill. How agile and strong she is. How fast she reacted, so fast I couldn’t see her.

How softly she walked. Her sudden interest in being with me, coming over, spending the night. The look on her face when she said she was from Valterra. It wasn’t a smile. It was a grimace.

Every little moment. It all makes sense.

If I had been paying even an inkling of attention, I would’ve seen it.

I’ve been bested again. She always did get the best of me.

I hadn’t realized how deep in that game I was.

“You left to go on a mission, didn’t you? Those three months?”

She doesn’t speak. There is nothing on her face, but wide eyes. Her fists clenched tight around a red pen, her knuckles white. 

Those beautiful eyes. 

“I didn’t run into you by accident. You were surveilling me. You studied me, didn't you? You knew exactly what to say. To give love and take it away.”

She’s silent. How can she be silent.

I wrench myself off the wall, toward her like always. “Say something, damnit!”

My voice echoes off the walls.

“Yes.”

I look up at her. 

“I studied you. Your father. Your mother. Your squad. Isaac. I knew exactly how to make you love me. And you did.”

My body goes slack. All fight drains out of every cell in my body. At least I can give up now. She’s fine. She turns around, leaves the room.

Leaves me. 

Like she promised she wouldn’t.

“You look pretty broken. I bet you want to break her neck.”

“No. I don’t.” 

I love her.