Chapter 68 Rowan’s Plea
Amara’s POV
I was about to leave the healer's tent when Rowan seized me.
His voice was hoarse, low, and almost desperate as he said, "Amara."
My hands gripped the edge of my coat tighter as I froze. "No, Rowan. Please.
However, he blocked my path by stepping in front of me. Like hurricane fire, his eyes were ferocious. "I can't continue to see you leave me. You give me the impression that I've already left. I will not permit that.
My chest constricted. "Rowan, I am at a loss for what to do. Everything is disintegrating.
He firmly but shakily grasped my shoulders. "Let me fix it then."
"This cannot be fixed," I said.
He clenched his jaw. "I'll try until I die." Do you not see? All that matters to me is you. If I lose you, the power, the pack, and the wars are all meaningless.
My heart pounded in agony. That's what you say, but Kian—
"Forget Kian," Rowan yelled, his voice piercing with hate. Then, softer, nearly shattering: "Amara, please. Please don't ignore me in favour of him. You can get strength from me. I can protect you. No one else can love you the way I can.
My eyes hurt with tears. "It's not that easy, Rowan. The other one breaks if I pick one of you. And everything burns if I make the wrong decision.
With unexpected kindness, his hands moved from my shoulders to my face and cupped my cheeks. A tear escaped and was wiped away by his thumb.
He said, his forehead against mine, "You're not wrong." I can't just stand here and do nothing, though, especially since I might lose you to him or, worse, to her.
Inside of me, his words twisted. Lilith's assurance replayed itself in my mind. My chest hurt from guilt and terror.
Before I could say anything more, Rowan kissed me and tipped my chin up.
It wasn't tender; rather, it was ferocious and urgent, as if he was putting all of his want and anxiety into that one touch. He pressed his lips to mine as if he needed my breath, as if he would die if I let go.
I gasped, torn between giving up and resisting. "Rowan."
He held me closer while whispering, "Shhh," against my lips. "Stop talking. Feel me, please. Just keep in mind that I belong to you.
My defences were broken by the heat of him, the power of his arms, and the unadulterated pain of his kiss. I kissed him back for a moment, holding on to his tunic as though he were my only source of support.
No battle, no Lilith, no impossible decision—the world vanished. Between us, it was just Rowan and the fire.
The fire then blazed too brightly.
The harsh and unforgiving reality returned with a bang. With breathless breath, I pushed Rowan back with both hands.
"No!" My voice cracked. "This is not something I can do. I am unable to.
Rowan's chest rose and fell as if he had raced for miles, and his eyes widened in disbelief. "Amara."
My face filled with tears. "You're not getting it. I ruin something each time I give myself a choice. I don't want to put you at risk. I can't put Kian at risk. I must not jeopardise the pack.
His face ripped with agony, he reached for me once more. "You won't ruin me. Do you not understand? Burning with you is preferable to living without you.
No razor could cut as deeply as his words. I shook my head and stumbled back. "Avoid saying such stuff. Don't make things more difficult than they already are.
“Harder?” His voice broke. "I adore you, Amara. Never in my life have I pleaded for anything, but now I am. Pick me. Please. Keep you from being taken from me by him.
As though it might stop my heart from shattering, I clasped my palms to my chest. "Rowan." I hardly spoke above a whisper. "I'm not sure if I can."
The ensuing quiet was oppressive and dense. Rowan's angry, terrified, and desperately hopeful eyes swept across mine. Even from where I stood, I could feel his heart pounding like thunder.
Then there was a rustle.
I whirled—and stopped.
In the glow of the bonfire, Kian stood in the shadows. His eyes were black with pain, and his face was pallid. He had witnessed everything.
I reached for him and said, "Wait." "Kian—"
However, he remained silent. He didn't yell or swear. He didn't fight Rowan.
As if his soul had been ripped from him, he stared at me in silence.
Then he pivoted.
And he turned to leave.
Not jogging. I'm not storming and simply strolling. Quiet, steady, broken.
"Kian!" I sobbed as I staggered onward, my voice cracking. However, he continued. He didn't even turn around.
I thrust out my hand as Rowan stepped toward him while muttering curses. "No! Avoid following him!
It felt like someone was tearing apart my chest. Without saying a word, the man who had always kept his ground and retaliated with fire had left me.
Even horrible than any scream was the silence he left behind.
Trembling and caught between two hearts I couldn't contain, I fell to my knees as Lilith's laughter reverberated in my head.