Chapter 22

I WAS surprised when I saw my mother still awake in her room. She was sitting on the bed and leaning on the headboard. Her face instantly brightened after seeing me. She opened her now thin arms to give me a hug. I swallowed hard. Why was life so unfair? We’re just starting to get close to each other. Why does God want to take her away from me so soon? I’m not ready yet.

I ran to her arms and embraced her back. I rested my head on her shoulder.

“Don’t leave me, Ma,” I said in a broken voice. “I’m begging you.”

Just like before, she didn’t answer. Whenever I say those words, she’d refused to answer. And I’m afraid to know why. I stared at her face and tried to change the subject. “You looked happy. May I know why? And why are you still awake? It’s past eleven in the evening. You should be resting.”

“I was waiting for you. I was waiting for my Panganay.”

I swiftly lowered my head so she wouldn’t see my tears. Panganay in Filipino meant eldest child. It sounded so pleasant coming from her lips. I could really feel my importance in her life now.

“When you left earlier, I called Father Santi. I know that you don’t like those things, so I intentionally called him when you were away. I felt better after I talked to him.”

“Do you want to leave me so badly that’s why you’re being like that? You don’t answer every time I ask you to stay. Don’t leave, Ma. I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t handle it.”

I thought of the possibility of me and Ingram dying. It didn’t bother me so much before. I’ve already prepared myself for it. But I didn’t prepare myself for the possibility of Mama dying sooner than me. I wailed like a child when I felt her embrace.

“When I first learned about my illness, I didn’t know what to think. All I know was that I wasn’t ready to die. There were so many things I thought I needed to do first. When I collapsed one day and was brought to the hospital, I felt like it was God’s way of making me realize something. That the most important thing I have to do was to be with my eldest. Maybe that was the reason why I didn’t stop Stella even when I had a hunch that she’d come to you. That’s why when I woke up after I collapsed, I was scared. I asked God not to take me yet. I asked for more time. I told Him I needed to make it up to you first. I just wanted to be a mother to you for once. And I believe that I was able to do that somehow.

“I get to talk to you now, to be with you, and to embrace you like this,” her voice trembled. “God gave me more than what I asked for. I was able to ask for your forgiveness. I’ll die in peace now. I felt like I have achieved my purpose. I’m at a point in my life where I don’t want to ask for anything anymore. This illness is a sign that I am bound to leave, Brianna. I want to believe that this is happening because this is a part of God’s big plan for all of us. If He wants to take me, then I will leave it to Him. I’m ready now, sweetheart. I know you’re afraid but Brianna, Mama wants to rest now.”

“Don’t say that, Ma. You know how much I hate goodbyes.”

“That’s why I’m not saying goodbye,” Mama softly kissed me on the forehead. “You’re never going to lose me. I will always be around, sweetheart. You may not be able to see me, but you’ll always feel me in your heart. And sweetheart?”

I sniffled. “What?”

“Mama loves you very much. I may not be able to make you feel that in the past, but in my heart, I’ve always loved you.”

“HAVE you made up your mind?”

Just like before, I almost jumped out of surprise when I suddenly heard that deep voice. But I was able to regain my composure quicker this time as I faced the owner of that voice.

“I can heal your mother, Brianna, if you will only say yes to my offer.”

I was silent for a moment as I gazed at the sky. I’ve wanted to question God many times, to question His plans for me. But after talking to my mother, realization hit me hard. I should actually be content now. God has always been kind to me. Maybe life consisted of connecting dots because everything was actually connected. Maybe the reason why God took away my father was to make my mother return in my life. I had to lose Kristoff so I could meet Ingram. I didn’t lose him not because I was inadequate, not because something was wrong with me. I lost him simply because he was not the right man for me.

Mama’s illness became a bridge for Stella and me to fix our relationship. It became a way for us to learn how to forgive and how to be forgiven as well. Her illness existed not to scare us but to remind us that every second was important, that while we could, we should learn to love each other now.

God had blessed me with so many beautiful things. But I wasn’t able to notice that because I kept searching and desiring for more. Mama wouldn’t leave me with painful memories because she made me feel loved. And now that she wanted to rest, I shouldn’t be selfish. Love wasn’t selfish. It doesn’t dictate. It doesn’t manipulate. It accepts and it understands. Love… sees beyond reasons.

“Brianna?”

“Stop manipulating the people around you, Sullivan. Humans are not puppets. Do you know why you couldn’t move on? It’s because you keep looking back. You’re stuck in the very place where Acantha left you,” I said when I found my voice. “Didn’t you stop for a moment to think that maybe she just wasn’t the right woman for you? The same way that her doppelgangers are not meant for you, too. Stop this. Stop trying to hurt others just because you’re hurt. Set yourself free from Acantha and Xenos’ memories. And set me free as well.”

I was about to leave the balcony when Sullivan spoke again.

“Why wasn’t I surprised anymore?”

I heard him laugh but it sounded empty in my ears.

“Like I once told you, you are different, Brianna. Maybe it’s because you understand darkness. You knew how it felt to be in the dark; that’s why you’re effective in bringing out the light. And believe it or not, I do love you the way Ingram loves you. Yes, I was able to love again after a long, long time. After we met, I tried to search for the witches, so I’d know how to break the curse. But the witches who cast the original spell had already died, so the curse cannot be broken. I’m sorry, Brianna.”

I gasped. I wanted to believe the sadness and love written in his eyes, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. “Why do you suddenly want to break the curse?”

Sullivan shrugged. “It may be hard to believe but love could certainly change a person. When I fell in love with you and witnessed how much you love Ingram, I grew tired being an asshole. I was about to finally free Erasmus and Ingram when I got caught by Xanthus’ group. I realized quite a few things. What am I really fighting for? Acantha and Xenos were both dead. You and Ingram were just doppelgangers now who were suffering because of the curse.

“The Council was right when they reprimanded me back then. But I didn’t listen. Loving you made me finally accept the truth. Now if your next question was why I fell in love with you, I don’t have the answer to that. Maybe I was cursed, too. I only know one thing. You are unique. You’re a combination of light and darkness. Perhaps, that tempted my heart. Freedom, that’s what I wanted to give to you after I realized my feelings. I knew I wouldn’t be able to make you say ‘yes’ to me. I just came here not to take my chances but to say goodbye. The moment you wake up from this dream, please tell Ingram my apologies...”

I woke up when I heard Mama calling my name over and over again. I opened my eyes and glanced at her. She was still asleep.

“Brianna…” she called once more in a very low voice before opening her eyes. I held her hand. “Ma? You’re dreaming.”

“Please close the windows, sweetheart. It’s too bright. My eyes hurt.”

I looked at the windows, puzzled. They were all closed. And it was still dark outside. I glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table. It was only one-twenty in the morning. What was Mama saying?

“But Ma, the windows are closed—” I was stunned when her grip loosened. My body froze when I understood what she meant. My heart pounded as I got up on the bed. “Ma?”

I gently shook her shoulders, but she didn’t move an inch. Tears ran down my cheeks as I leaned on her chest. But I couldn’t hear and feel her heartbeat anymore.

I suddenly found myself screaming. “Mama!”