Shadows I Carry Inside

Shadows I Carry Inside
DASTAN-

I don’t look away from Jakko. The tension between us is enough to make me feel as if we were in the middle of a physical fight. 

One where he has begun to make me doubt my own standing in the fight. 

He keeps his eyes on me too, neither of us daring to look away first. 

Even as the door to the chamber creeks open, we keep our attention on each other. 

“My Lord.”

We both turn, finding Em standing just inside the door, her hands twisting together. She has her eyes on me, breathing hard as if she just ran here. 

I say nothing, letting her eyes roam over me. She takes in the bandages acros my chest before she turns her eyes toward Jakko. 

When they meet my gaze again, they are wide with fear. 

“What is it?” I ask.

She opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. She wrings her fingers together until they turn white.

“Em,” I say. 

It’s enough to draw her back into the present. She looks between the four of us before speaking.

“Kaan...” She swallows hard. “He saw her rings?”

The question catches me off guard. Out of everything else happening, I can’t see how that’s important. 

I nod. “He grabbed her hand. There’s no way he missed them.”

The last of the color drains from her face. She presses both hands against her temples and begins pacing. “No, no, no.”

James looks at me before turning back to her. “What?”

She doesn’t answer.

Jakko watches her carefully. “Em.”

She flinches at the sound of his voice.

His hands tighten into fists, jaw clenching, but he still asks her, “What aren’t you telling us?”

Her eyes dart toward him. She looks him over, as if wondering what his place is here. I would like the same answer, but something tells me, we won’t get it. 

Em slowly turns from him, grimacing. She acts as if she’s expecting him to reprimand her, as if she should be paying him all the attention. 

He is after all, her king. 

But she looks at me instead. “The rings, they belonged to her parents?”

I nod, impatience creeping into my voice. “Yes. We’ve already established that.”

She squeezes her eyes shut. “We don’t have much time.”

Zumir steps forward. “What does that mean?”

She opens her eyes. “We have less than a week.”

I can feel the ice behind my mask, beneath my skin. The leather around my head threatens to tear, to show everyone just how much death I carry inside. “Less than a week until what?”

She swallows. “Kaan is taking her to the portal.”

My eyes meet Jakko’s. He knows exactly what she’s talking about, as do I. 

“It’ll take him several days to get there,” the King whispers. 

Em runs her tongue over her teeth, still refusing to look at him. “Yes. But once he gets there, he won’t kill her immediately.”

“He needs her blood,” Jakko says, finishing what she didn’t say. 

“Her blood?” James asks. 

Yes. Her blood. That is why they call them the Blood Tribe. Why Kaan leads them, why he searches all across kingdoms. 

For her blood.

Em look down at her hands, inhaling. “He’ll bleed her over several days. He needs a lot of her blood, but needs her alive to cross the portal.”

“If we move now, we can still reach her,” I say, grimacing when I reach down for my boots. The bandages across my chest stretch, pain lancing through me. 

Jakko drags both hands through his hair. “We still have a chance.”

Zumir hasn’t said anything, his eyes on Em. He studies her for a moment before asking, “How do you know all of this?”

She stills, looking up at him with wide eyes. The look of fear in her eyes reminds me of Elysia when we first met. Her entire body vibrates as her eyes oscillate between all of us in here. 

She takes a step back, as if realizing that she’s the only woman in here. That in this scenario, she would be the weakest. 

I drop the boots I held in my hands and lower my head. “You can trust us. I will not let anyone harm you.”

Her eyes shift to Jakko, and his eyes look away. He fidgets, taking a long, deep breath before he nods. “You have my word as well.”

Em doesn’t look convinced, her brows meeting in a frown. Every eye in the room fixes on her, but she keeps her gaze focused on the floor. “I grew up in the Blood Tribe.”

The words barely leave her mouth when I start to feel the buildup of ice at my fingertips. I can feel it in my veins, deep in my chest, and in the pit of my stomach. 

I do not feel threatened by her. She clearly cares for Elysia, but this just feels like another blind spot. Another contradiction that I face. 

“My family served Kaan.”

James lets out a sharp laugh, dragging a hand over his face. “You can’t be serious.”

He looks from Em to Jakko, disbelief hardening into anger. He then turns to me, eyes blazing ad he widens his stance and throws his arms out like he’s about to start a fight.

“First, we’re supposed to trust the man who kidnapped her,” he points at Jakko, “and now the maid who grew up serving the bastard who has her?”

His voice rises with every word. He gets no reaction from me, so he turns and seeks one from Zumir. 

“Have we all lost our damn minds?”

“James,” I growl. He turns and meets my eyes. 

I don’t say a word. I don’t have to. His jaw tightens. The anger remains, but he swallows the rest of it, dropping his gaze for the briefest moment before taking a step back.

The agreement between us doesn’t allow him to challenge me for long, though he tests it at every turn. 

Em draws a shaky breath, forcing herself to meet my eyes. “I escaped when I was a child. Everything I know about Kaan... about the portal... I learned there.”

I sit on the edge of the bed, pulling on my boots, forcing myself to push through the pain. 

Em watches me carefully. “Will you be able to ride? We have to move fast.”

I breathe through gritted teeth. “Yes.”

James sighs through his nose, clearly hating every part of this. “I’ll saddle the horses.”

He leaves before anyone can say anything. The guards at the door stop him, but Jakko waves them off. 

I turn toward him. “When we find her, if she chooses to return with me...”

His shoulders rise with a slow breath, then fall. “If that’s what she wants, I’ll let her go.”

I search his face, looking for deceit. I find none. Only a man carrying more grief than I thought possible.

His gaze doesn’t leave mine. “And if she chooses me?”

The audacity of the question slams into me. My jaw locks. After everything he’s done, he thinks that’s a possibility?

Ice bites at the floor beneath my boots. “She won’t.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

My hands curl into fists. “She won’t,” I repeat.

Jakko holds my gaze for another heartbeat.

“If you’re so certain,” he says quietly, “then answering should be easy.”