THE STARRY NIGHT

THE STARRY NIGHT
Jack Crow

I stare at the glass in my hand as I sit beneath the big tent, where tables and chairs are scattered and everyone gathers for meals. Amid conversations and laughter, I remain silent. I met some of the people during the day while working alongside them, fixing the bleachers that need maintenance. They are good people, many lonely souls who ended up here when their destinies crossed with Spook.

Misery and lack of work—since many have no education or experience—make them easy prey for Spook. I watched and listened as they talked and shared their stories, led by Fredo, who steered the conversation.

I also observed Spook from afar, seeing his bald dog following him wherever he went. I was intrigued by the fact that the circus wasn’t operating today, closed for maintenance, which might be normal—except not on a Friday, when usually many people come to the circus at night.

Fredo couldn’t explain why this was happening, nor did he understand it, but he told me Spook had done this in every town he stopped on the way to Louisiana—closing the circus on Friday nights.

I was focused on the information I was gathering when I came across the delicate sight of Selly inside the wagon, looking at the music box that belonged to my mother. Fredo had handed it to me along with other belongings he managed to save—items from my family before Spook burned everything, almost as if he wanted to erase the existence of the Crow family, the rightful owners of the circus.

There’s something peculiar about how she confuses me, silencing my demons every time I look at her, hypnotizing me with her gaze so much that I can’t control my actions. I should have gone back to the bathroom the moment I opened the door and saw her near the bed, but stupidly, my feet—with their terrible habit of acting on their own when she’s near—led me to her, making me inhale the scent of her perfume.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Fredo whispers beside me, making me divert my eyes from the drink to his face, which is staring off into the distance.

I lift my face and see Selly near two women holding trays with plates, serving the people. Her long hair is tied in a braid that falls over her shoulder, and she wears a long, long-sleeved dress. The young woman smiles kindly as she hands out the plates, and my eyes fix on her cheeks, seeing the dimples that form at the corners of her lips.

“Every time I look at her, I wonder how God could create such a beautiful creature,” Fredo sighs, and I growl, lowering my face, not wanting to see Selly the way I do, not wanting to pay attention to her like I’ve been doing.

Because the way I look at Selly has nothing to do with the perfect creation God made, as Fredo says, but with a demon inside me who would condemn the rest of my soul just to touch her, to feel the softness of her skin.

“I think we should stop talking about this,” I grunt, squeezing my fingers around the damn glass, feeling how my body reacts to the sight of her.

And I hate myself for feeling this way, because I shouldn’t, not with Selly. I came to this circus for one purpose only: to kill all the traitors, not to get hard over a girl who can barely stand to be near me without pure terror in her eyes.

“Stop?” Fredo stammers, confused. “Why? I intend to marry her, I don’t know when, but I will, as soon as I have the courage...”

“What?” I turn my face to him, seeing him sigh like a lovesick teenager. “What the hell are you talking about, Fredo?”

“My love...” He looks at me, smiling. “That beautiful creature near Selly, I’m going to marry her.”

I turn my face forward, seeing the women near Selly holding trays, noticing an older lady whom I recognize immediately.

“Baba?” I ask, confused. “You want to marry Baba?”

“What?” Fredo practically spits the drink he was about to sip, making a nasty face. “Of course not! It’s Veruska, the most beautiful Russian my eyes have ever seen...”

I divert my eyes from Baba to the voluptuous woman with huge breasts—bigger than my head—pressed into a purple dress, with blonde hair and a beard on her face.

“You’re in love with the bearded woman?” I ask Fredo, staring at him, seeing him close his expression and growl at me.

“The beard is fake. And if you make a joke, I swear I’ll punch your dick!” he growls fiercely, making me laugh as I look at him.

“I didn’t mean to joke, I was just thinking about how you’ll manage to get out of that sea of breasts...” I say seriously, watching him before getting a punch on my shoulder, with him laughing along with me.

“Believe me, if I drown in that sea...” Fredo hooks the corner of his mouth, speaking softly, “Leave me be and don’t even think about pulling me out of there...”

“You can bet I won’t.” I wink at him, both of us laughing as we down the drink from the glass.

Turning my face forward again, I freeze, feeling my body stirred, my damn heart beating ridiculously out of control as I see Selly in front of me, intoxicating me with her strawberry perfume. She holds the tray and extends a plate to Fredo, who takes it.

“Thank you, dear. I hope you put a nice piece of ham on this for me,” he jokes with her, making her smile slightly before taking another plate of food and handing it to me.

I set the drink down beside me on the bench, my eyes fixed on her face, watching her look down while nibbling the corner of her lips. Looking at Selly’s mouth makes me think of red, sweet cherries, which would make me amputate a damn limb of my body just to taste them. My nostrils inhale sharply, and I can’t resist her perfume, which stirs me even more.

What the hell is happening to me?!

My arm stretches out and I take the plate, while mentally condemning myself, losing myself as her eyes—like a starry night—lift and focus on mine.

“Thank you, Selly,” I whisper, and my chest heaves the second a sweet smile forms at the corner of her mouth.

And everything stops—damn it, it stops—with no one else around me, only Selly standing in front of me. I can’t look away from her cherry lips, and I curse myself for imagining the things I could do with her, for thinking of countless ways to take Selly’s delicate, innocent mouth and do terribly dirty things. And I condemn myself even more because I met her when she was a child, and there’s a big age difference between us.

“Hey, Retalho, where’s my plate...” shouts one of the guys I helped with the bleacher maintenance.

This makes her blink quickly, diverting her eyes from me and returning to looking down, dropping the plate and stepping away.

And that pisses me off, makes me angry, awakening a desire to
break the neck of the son of a bitch who made her look away from me.

I turn my face and watch her walk away, turning her back to me and stopping near the guy, quickly handing him her plate, emptying the tray. She lowers the container, leaving it by her side, walking between the benches and tables, stopping near an improvised counter and arranging more plates of food on the tray.
Selly's face moves slowly, as she looks over her shoulder in my direction before turning her face forward again, catching me watching her. A damn foolish smile spreads at the corner of my mouth and I feel like an idiot for her having looked at me.
I lower my face to the plate and take a piece of pork leg, bringing it to my mouth and chewing, turning my head to the side and meeting Fredo’s pair of eyes fixed on me, his eyebrow raised. I look back at my food, grabbing my cup and drinking my drink right after, catching the corner of my mouth and trying to ignore Fredo’s stare, which I feel burning me.
“What’s up, Fredo?” I ask quietly, growling and putting the cup down beside me again.
“What the hell is going on?” He narrows his eyebrows.
“I’m eating,” I say firmly, tossing a french fry into my mouth. “And you should do the same,” I add, chewing, shrugging, not looking at him while I snort through my nose.
“Oh no, sir, don’t even come with that ‘I’m eating’ crap...” He drags his tail on the bench, sitting close to me, lowering his voice: “Are you out of your mind?! I know what I saw\\...”
“What did you see, Fredo?” I turn my face to him, grunting. “Should I thank Selly for giving me a plate of food without looking at me like she wants to puke?”
He opens and closes his mouth, shaking his head, closing his eyes.
“If you don’t want to get Spook’s attention on you, in a very bad way, I suggest you keep your eyes off her.” He inhales sharply, opening his eyelids and lowering his voice even more: “If Spook even suspects you look at Selly, he’ll kill you, and in a way you won’t come back from. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about, because he did that to a man last year who stayed with us for a while, just because the idiot complimented Selly, complimented the damn braid in her hair! Now imagine what he’ll do if he sees you looking at her the way I just saw, Clown. Any chance you had for revenge goes down the drain, with your blood flowing along with hers, and she’ll be condemned even more to hell by that bastard.”
I tighten the cup in my hand, lowering my eyes to him, feeling hell hugging me, with anger flowing strongly through my blood, while hatred consumes me thinking about that bastard touching her with his filthy, wretched hands.
My face lifts and stops at Selly, and I see her smile as she serves a plate of food to Baba, crouching near her and letting her face be caressed by the old gypsy. The innocent look shining on her face, glowing with so much joy for Baba, is like the opposite of everything inside me, which is just rage and desire for revenge.
“There’s nothing to fear,” I murmur, lowering my face to the food and staring at the plate, no longer hungry at all. “I know why I came back, and nothing will take me off my path.”
“Believe me, thinking like that will be best.” Fredo touches my shoulder, letting out a sigh of regret.
“All full stomachs, I hope.” The loud voice sounding at the tent’s entrance makes me raise my head, my eyes locking on Belmonte, who is hugging a woman. “I want everyone going to bed early because you need to rest. Tomorrow, before the sun rises, I want everyone up to pack up camp because we’re moving on...”
I hear everyone murmuring, while all I see in front of me is every second of my life that was taken on that train.
“Sorry, kid, it’s nothing personal.” Belmonte’s hand grabs my shoulder as he stabs me in the back.
I scream as I feel the blade pierce my flesh.
I remember his face, the pain I felt in my heart from his betrayal, greater than the stab he gave me when he sold out to a damn worm.
“So, this must be the new fool.” The voice in front of me makes me blink quickly, snapping me out of the damn memory, seeing him standing a few steps away from me. “Spook told me he was from Molina. I knew that circus, even spent some time with them. Fabricio was my friend, you must have met him since he was the circus owner’s son.”
I remain silent, watching him analyze me as he stares, testing me. My father was an old friend of Paros, the owner of the Molina Circus, and Paros had no children, only one who died during childbirth along with his wife over forty years ago. Belmonte was still in diapers when that happened, and he knows it, that Paros has no children; he just wants to catch me in a lie and is testing me to see if I really was from that circus.
“I don’t think it’s the same circus, sir. You’re mistaken...” I say calmly, lowering my face and throwing a fry into my mouth, even though I’m no longer hungry.
“You’re saying I don’t know what I’m talking about, new fool?” He steps forward, making the woman beside him release her waist as Belmonte stares at me seriously.
I leave the plate on the bench beside me, along with my cup, and stand up to meet his gaze at eye level, staring back at him. I can imagine myself punching his throat and breaking his windpipe, beating him to death.
“No, sir,” I say calmly, smiling and shaking my head. “What I said is that you must have been mistaken...”
I quickly look around, noticing the silence as everyone watches us. And in that sweep, I find a frightened gaze fixed on me as Selly stands and stays beside Baba.
“I say that because my old boss, Mr. Paros...” I look back at Belmonte, my voice turning sad. “He lost his only son along with his wife on the night the baby was born, so I don’t think it’s the same circus because he didn’t have any children, much less a Fabricio.”
He steps forward again, standing a few centimeters from me, staring before clicking his mouth and laughing, breaking the tension that had settled inside the tent.
“I think you’re right. I was mistaken, new fool.” He laughs louder, raising his hand and slapping my shoulder. “I must have gotten confused. Over the years, I met so many people I barely remember their faces, much less their names...”
“I imagine.” I smile, watching the damn traitor rat who ate at my table and drank my drink, calling himself my most loyal friend. “In this circus life road, people always come and go, you never can memorize everyone’s names.”
“Don’t even mention it.” He looks back, staring at the faces of the circus people watching us. “What are you waiting for, you bastards?! I just told you to go to bed early, damn it!” He roars loudly, making many who had barely gotten their plates drop them and leave hurriedly.
My eyes hunt for Selly, who hadn’t made her plate yet but who walks away from the tent with he
r head down, shoulders slumped.

“So, what’s your name, young fool?” Belmonte asks me, making me look away from her and face him.
“Clown,” I say seriously.
“Well, welcome to the Crow Circus, Mr. Clown.” He pats my shoulder before looking at Fredo. “Go rest, because you’ll have a lot of work tomorrow to pack up the caravan and get the train moving.”
“Yes, sir,” Fredo says hurriedly, putting his plate aside and jumping off the bench. “Let’s go, Clown...”
“Let’s go.” I smile at Belmonte, who removes his hand from my shoulder and takes a step back. “Good night, sir.”
I follow Fredo, not looking back, my steps heavy and my whole body stiff, feeling the damn stain on my shirt where that traitor touched me.
“Piece of shit rat!” I growl furiously, spitting on the ground.
“Calm down, my friend. You’ll get what you came for, you just need to be patient. Remember what your old man used to say? The lion isn’t treacherous, he only waits for the right moment to attack.” I stare at Fredo as we walk.
For ten years, ten damn years, I’ve been waiting for this moment.
“I’m going to kill them one by one, Fredo. I’ll get them one at a time, but first, I’ll make them know hell.” I stop walking, putting my hands on my hips and inhaling deeply, my rage calming as I watch people heading to their tents, while others go to their trailers. “Why are they breaking camp tomorrow? Usually, that’s done on Monday to take advantage of the weekend and fill the circus’s cash register...”
“Look, I don’t know,” Fredo murmurs, shrugging. “But ever since we came back to the United States, Spook does this. He stops in towns, and when we least expect it, he forces us to break camp and move on, like he’s got the devil whipping his back...”
“That doesn’t make sense...” I hiss, thoughtful, starting to walk again. “It makes no sense, just like sending everyone to their tents to sleep.”
“He’s an idiot who gives these damn curfews, and woe to anyone who disobeys and is caught outside the tent, because they get beaten like a stray dog by Chester...” Fredo gasps sharply. “That’s why everyone obeys and only goes out the next day.”
“Has no one ever gone out to see what happens here on these nights with the curfew?” I ask, paying close attention to what Fredo tells me.
“No. Nobody wants to get beaten to death...” He laughs, looking at me but stops when he sees my serious expression. “Oh no, don’t do that, don’t give me that damn look!”
“Come on, little friend.” I wink at him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll tell you a bedtime story before I go out for a little walk.”
“You know, I think I preferred when I was dead because at least I didn’t have to worry about you getting killed for being a big idiot.”
I laugh hearing him curse, grumpy, as he walks with me and sighs, nervous.