Chapter 37 — As Told by Aqua

Aqua’s POV:

When Lexus hung up after I called him, I didn’t know what to do anymore. I wasn’t sure when I’d see him again since he didn’t know how long we shouldn’t be in contact for.

The next day I was called into the king and queens office with my father and Hannah. “We’ve decided that Hannah is going to take over Lexus’ responsibilities.”

Hannah’s eyes widened in excitement. “Really? I’m going to rule?”

The Queen sighed. “Not exactly but you are back up because we’re not 100% sure about Lexus anymore. You’ll have stricter studies surrounding preparations to possibly become queen. You’ll have Lexus’ workload and Aqua is now you’re aid. We’ll have to think over whether or not we want Lexus to return as heir,” She explained. 

The king spoke next, “This means no more sneaking off. If we can’t count on you any more than Lexus, there’s no point in you replacing him.”

Hannah nodded. “I understand, I’ll be on my best behavior.” 

“You’re dismissed Hannah,” The king said, and Hannah left. “Aqua, we trust you have no contact with Prince Lexus.” 

I nodded. “None at all.” I wish that weren’t true. 

The queen stood up. “Good, we have a few tasks for you.” She handed me a piece of paper with a list on it. They were all tasks that required me to use my abilities.

“When you’re done write a report on the results on each task. We expect everything to be done in three days.” It seemed like a short time for all of these tasks, but I didn’t complain.

When we were dismissed Konn stopped me in the hall. “How are you holding up?” He asked.

I shrugged. “It’s only been couple days… I feel really bad about Sadia and Cade, even Lexus. I know how others are looking at me.”

Father put his hand on my shoulder for comfort. “I know how it feels, I got the same looks, it’ll pass okay?”

I got up early for the first day of working with Hannah. It was hard to sleep anyways. Sadia’s words ran through my head keeping me awake. “Did you get any sleep?” Hannah asked.

I shrugged. “Sort of. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine to work.”

“I heard about what you did with Lexus. Everyone in the castle knows but you probably know that. I’m not going to hold it against you, everyone has their reason for doing terrible things.”

I escorted her to her first class then went to mine. It wasn’t as exciting as usually. I used to love learning about this kingdom but now It bored me. When I was done, I escorted Hannah to her second class. After I met with her again. “Ugh these classes are longer than my last, if you don’t mind, I’m going to take a break, a long break.”

I frowned. “Come on Hannah, you can’t skip. Don’t you want to prove to them that you’d be a better heir? They’re going to know you ditched even if I don’t tell them.”

Hannah sighed. “You’re right, you’re right.” 

I took her to her last class and went to mine. After our last classes we went to the great hall to great hall to eat but I didn’t feel like eating so I had nothing. I helped her with work like I would Lexus and she caught on fast. For the rest of the week, we had the same routine. My appetite got worse and my sleep. I’d have holder dreams of the past and they were usually of when Cade and Sadia found out. I relived the moment over and over again. 

I finally built up the courage to talk to my brother, but Cade ended up asking me if I knew about Vella and Lexus and I did so I told him I did. He didn’t respond but I know it hurt him. If he wasn’t avoiding me before then he really was now. 

I stared at my phone for an order wanting to call Sadia. I wanted to apologize but I don’t think that’s what she needed from me. I missed Sadia more than I thought. I missed Sadia, Cade, and Lexus.

The next week It was hard to keep up with how much I had to use my third eye. They knew through the oracle who taught me that I could see further now. They requested me to look throughout the castle and as far past it as I could daily to make sure everything was going according. They had me spy on the pack house which I hated because I’d always see Sadia. She seemed happy with younger members of the pack house and Cade. It hurt me to have to see her but not speak with it. It was messing with me mentally. I even saw Calvin and was reminded of how I led him on. I’m sure he knew what happened. Daily I felt reminded of the worse thing I’ve ever done, hurt Sadia and other people around me.

When things started showing up on the news, I couldn’t take it. I had a meltdown and threw my desk’s chair at the tv shattering it. My door wasn’t locked so I looked as Arma walked in. “Are you okay I hear—” She stopped when she noticed the glass shattered around me and the chair on it’s back with the tv that used to hang on top of it. Shards of glass had even shot at me. Arma started picking out the small shards and hugged me. “Hey it’s okay Aqua.”

I couldn’t cry yet, I just felt empty. “It’s not… I’m a terrible person Arma, you should just see me the way you see Vella.” 

“Well, you can call me biased if you want.” She chuckled. “There are a ton of things that set you apart from Vella.”

“What are they? Because I can’t think of any.”

“Well, you actually feel remorse. Sure, Vella said she was guilty, but I think that was more fear of getting caught. You care about the people you hurt. She only came clean to get back at Lexus for getting off with consequences.”

“She only did it once… I was doing it for a couple weeks.”

“It’s not like she wouldn’t have. I heard someone overheard her at or near the bar calling Lexus to hook up again, but he rejected her. I’m not saying you’re all that much better but enough for me to want to comfort you. Plus, she lashed out at me when I told Cade.” She helped me up and pulled me to my bed. “I’m going to get Stewart to clean this then get another tv moved in here, okay?”

I nodded and watched her leave. I hadn’t spoken to Arma or Stewart in the past two weeks because I was afraid they hated me after what I did. Stewart came in and started cleaning, he didn’t ask what happened. Usually, he was quick to want to know anything dramatic, but he was being considerate. “I had a meltdown.” I pulled my knees to my chest and tears ran down my cheek. I felt comfortable telling Stewart since he had mental disabilities too. 

“Yeah, I’ve been there.” Stewart said. When he was done, he hugged me. “You don’t have to suffer alone Aqua.”

Arma brought in a new tv, she set it up for me then they left. I laid in my bed then got up when I heard a knock. I answered the door and saw Gray and Cade. They wanted to spend time with me, so we watched a movie. I’m sure Gray was the one who wanted to spend time and dragged Cade along, so it was a little awkward but nice. 

The next week I tried to get over everything that happened but there were reminders everywhere. I was able to see into the pack house and central city from here in the castle. I was using my abilities so much that they were getting better, but I was feeling sick. I constantly had headaches and the corner of my eyes bled a few times. The castle wasn’t the safe haven from the human world that it used to be for me. 

“Aqua.” Arma stopped me in the hall. She frowned when she noticed dried blood in the corner of my eye and wiped it. “Are you okay?”

I shook my head. “You have to promise not to tell anyone.”

“I promise.”

“I’ve been having some side effects from using my abilities so much; headaches, blood, and nausea. I didn’t use them at all until a month and a half ago and in the last two and a half weeks I’ve been overdoing it. There’s nothing I can do about it because I have to meet the king and queens’ tasks for me every three days.” I yawned. “And my holder dreams are becoming nightmares. I’m only seeing bad stuff from the past and future. The future stuff is so vague and cryptic that I can’t interpret them. They used to be clearer.”

“You have to tell the king and queen, okay? If you let them know they have to lighten your workload.” It might have been easier if they knew I was half human. “Come have lunch with us tomorrow, okay? You know our usual lunchtime.” She hugged me.

The next day I did have lunch with them, but Cade was there. He already had to hang out with me for Grays’s sake, I didn’t want him to have to here too, so I got up. He told me to sit back down. 

After that day for the rest of the week Cade spoke to me more but I decided I wouldn’t let myself get close to anyone again. Not yet because I’d just ruin it. I stayed away from Arma and Stewart all together. “Where are you going?” Hannah asked.

“I’m going to go talk to your parents. I have some concerns.” I kept walking. 

Hannah followed me. “If it was about me, you’d tell me, right? Or is it about Lexus? I know you miss him.”

“It’s neither but yeah I would tell you.”

“But you do miss him? I miss Lydia since were not together 24/7.” She tried to relate to me.

I stopped when we got outside their office. “You two are cute together, hopefully you can see each other more often. I do miss Lexus, but he doesn’t miss me enough to call.” I sighed. 

“You’ll see Lexus again, thanks for helping me so much Aqua. You could have half assed helping me with my work since you’re obviously struggling but you’re not. I’ve been able to see Lydia so much because you’ve helped me. Not as much as I used to but daily, I just haven’t been able to ditch and see her or stay out past my curfew anymore. The guards are stricter with me now. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

I watched her walk off then knocked. The door opened and I walked in. I sat in one of the seats and explained to them that I needed my workload lightened.

“The symptoms will subside.” The Queen said. “Your body is probably just adjusting. This workload was never too much for past holders.”

“But I’m not a regular holder…” I took a deep breath. “I’m a hybrid. My mother was human and I’m half human. I can’t be counted as a regular holder.” 

“What?” The Queen looked upset. “Call Konn.” She told the King, and he did. Soon my father walked into the room. “When we’re you going to tell us, your daughter is half human?”

Father closed his eyes and exhaled then opened them. “I didn’t want to burden you with the news.”

“You’re dismissed Aqua” the King said. “We’re rejecting your request.”

I left and waited outside for Konn. “What was the purpose of that Aqua? I told I wasn’t planning on telling anyone.”

“I know but—”

“I know you’ve been having a hard time but that doesn’t accomplish anything. You can have the day off tomorrow, and we can do something when I get off work how about that?” 

I felt like he was treating me like a child. “Sure.”

He went back to work, and I walked towards my room. “Aqua.” I started to dread hearing my own name. When I turned around, I saw Cade. “Are you free? We can go do something. I know things have been weird between us, but I think we can fix them.”

It was a nice gesture, but I didn’t feel like I had the energy for anything right now. “I’m sorry, I just want to get some sleep.”

“Oh, what about tomorrow?”

I shrugged. “I just don’t feel good.”

Cade sighed. “I’m doing everything I can right now Aqua. I’m trying to be there for you but you’re making it impossible. I know you were in love with Lexus and that he’s your true mate, but you weren’t the only one hurt. Maybe I needed you there for me. It’s been three weeks and you can’t keep playing the victim. You know you’re a lot like Vella in that way. You’re supposed to be my sister but when have you acted like it? I was so excited to have a younger sister but—” He scoffed. “I’ll see you whenever you’re ready to join the real world again and gain empathy.”

I stood there in shock. I didn’t expect him to say any of that. So… I left. I left in an attempt to save myself. If I stayed then the king and queen would work me to death, and I’d watch the relationships around me crash down because of my mental state.