Chapter32
Ignore her, Dash. If you get into it with her, it just makes her angrier.
I know you want to go after her when she says shit to me, but please don’t. She wants a reaction and if you give her one, she’s getting what she wanted.
“Can you explain why you joked,” and I did those obnoxious air quotes with my fingers, “about getting Iris pregnant with a boy?”
“Not really,” he said. “I was certain we were having a boy, like all the men in my family did, and I was terrified of having a girl. They face things that I see as a doctor, Zin, and that terrifies me. I’m not saying boys don’t face things, but what I see is mostly girls. When I saw the pink in the
cupcake…I reacted horribly.”
I could clearly see him pushing the cupcake away and realized I’d interpreted his fear as
disappointment.
“I was nervous and scared to death, thinking about what our little girl could someday encounter…thinking about what can happen when you can’t protect them every minute…I felt
sick. I was afraid I was going to throw up if I ate one more bite of my cupcake. Then Iris was sitting across from me, I knew everyone was looking at me and I should say something…I blurted out what I did so no one would know I was scared. Tried to make light of it and failed.”
“And ruined everything.”
“I did, and I’m sorry I wrecked that moment for you, and I’m sorry for everything that came
after.”
“You kept insisting it was a joke. You refused to acknowledge how much it hurt me and tried to make me feel like an idiot for being upset. Like I was overreacting.”
“Because saying it was a joke is a lot easier than saying I’m a piece of shit for ever letting something that horrible and thoughtless come out of my mouth. It was easier than admitting I was scared of having a girl. And Zinnie, it was wrong. I know that, I knew that, and I should have admitted it right away. I’m sorry I didn’t, and I’m sorry I dismissed your feelings about what I’d said. I wanted you to forget it because every time I thought about it, I felt sick.”
“I just don’t get why you said it about her.”
“She was in my line of sight. Nerves. Fear. The perfect storm for fucking up.”
Chanter32
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“Dash, you’re a doctor. Are you telling me you can’t handle some shocking news better than you
did?”
may
be a doctor, but I’m still human, Zin. I think sometimes people forget that doctors can be fallible, that we can still have fears, that we don’t always react well or say the right thing.”
That was definitely true on all points.
“I said the worst thing I could say, and I wish I had a better explanation for you other than nerves had me blurting that out. I could give you medical explanations about cognitive functions being impaired when you’re nervous or stressed, which affects your capacity for thinking before speaking, but it doesn’t change what I said or excuse it.”
“I felt like you didn’t want me or the baby, Dash. I felt like you wanted Iris.”
“I’m sorry I made you feel that way, Zinnie, especially since that’s completely untrue. Since I saw you in the cafeteria of the hospital, it’s been you and only you for me. I’ve never wanted anyone but you. And I wanted our baby; I just needed a minute to catch up.”
“And now you’re being overly nice to me out of guilt, and I wonder if you’re going to regret it
down the road and pressure me to leave here.”
“Not out of guilt, Zinnie, but wanting to make you happy. I made you unhappy in a number of ways, and my first priority is making sure you’re happy from now on. If being at Serenity makes you happy, then that’s where we’ll be, and that’s just the starting point for me fixing what was
wrong.”
“Do you think you can back up those words, Dash?”
“I made you happy at the beginning of our marriage, didn’t I?”
“Yes, very much so.
“I’m going to show you I can make you happy again. But this time, I’m not going to lose sight of your happiness, and I won’t ever be careless with my words or your feelings again. I’m not going to hurt you, Zinnie, and I’m not going to let your family hurt you anymore, either.”
Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.