chapter 130

chapter 130
Declan's POV.

It was morning already and I woke up to the sound of silence. At first, it didn't bother me because the room was dim and the curtains were still drawn together.

I thought maybe Isabella had woken up before me. Maybe she was making tea to drink, because that is what she loves to drink early in the morning whenever she wakes up. Or maybe she was writing her feelings in that journal that she never let me read.

But for some reason I knew that something felt off. The space beside me was cold and untouched. Her pillow still held the faint trace of her perfume, but the bed sheets on her side were still neatly arranged as if she hadn't slept here last night. 

“Isabella?” I called out her name with a deep voice and there wasn't any response. 

I sat upright on the bed as I rubbed my eyes and waited for the sound of her footsteps in the hallway. But the house was still so quiet and it was alarming to me. I placed my feet on the floor as I stood up from the bed.

I walked to the room where she loves to spend some time alone and when I opened the door, I noticed that she wasn't in there. The bed was empty and my chest tightened.

I checked the bathroom and it was empty. I also checked the kitchen and the garden but it was still empty, there was no trace of Isabella.

“Bella.” I muttered her name under my breath as though it would summon her back.

Something on the night stand caught my eye. It was her journal, the watch never left unattended to and the one she always pressed to her chest like it was her last piece of herself. She never left it lying around. Never.

I reached for it but then I froze when I noticed the small object in the trash beside the bed. A sim card was broken into half. My stomach dropped.

She had actually left and it was not for an errand. It wasn't for a walk, rather she had left me.

“No” I whispered, shaking my head like denial could change reality.

I went back to her room and I searched her closet and drawers. I literally searched everything but it was still there, her clothes, her shoes, her favorite scarf was on the chair. But her ATM card was gone. That was the only thing she took with her.

It was enough to survive and enough to stay away from me.

I slipped my fingers into my hair as I paced back and forth around the room. This couldn't be real, especially after everything. After the promises, after the tears, after the way she looked at me even when she was angry. She couldn't just disappear like that, unless she had seen everything that happened last night. 

Oh my gosh. How could I fucked up so badly? Knowing fully well that Isabella was still very fragile. Last night Sabrina's hands were on my shoulders because she insisted on giving me a massage that I didn't want but I did not want to create a fuss about it.

I was so tired last night and I was also so stupid not to push her last night away from me. Maybe if I had done so things would have been different this morning. 

I bit my lower lip hard and I rushed out of Isabella's room, then I entered Sabrina's room. She was still in her night robe as she stretched lazily like the morning belonged to her and Ethan was curled up at the corner of the bed. He was asleep.

“Where is she?” I demanded without even exchanging any pleasantries with her. 

Sabrina blinked at me as her expression twisted into false concern.

“Who are you talking about?” she asked.

“Isabella. She is gone. Did you see her leave?” I asked with a cracked voice and Sabrina smiled at me, just enough to make my skin boil.

“Declan. Why are you worrying yourself over that lady? Maybe she finally realized that she doesn't belong here. And maybe she finally saw that no matter what she does, she will always be standing in my shadow.” Sabrina said and I pointed my finger at her.

“Don't.” I warned and she lifted up her hands in surrender, but she didn't stop speaking as her words cut deep.

“You can't deny it, Declan. You and I, we have history. We have a son. And what about Isabella? She is just a chapter that you were surely meant to close one day.”

“Just shut up your mouth Sabrina. You don't know anything about her, you don't know anything about us” I screamed at her as anger swooshed through me but then her eyes glittered with satisfaction. She had always wanted this. To see me unravel.

I turned my back against her as I walked out of her before I said something I couldn't take back. 

I reached my room and my hands shook as I grabbed my car keys and left my room. I reached my garage as I entered my car and zoomed off.

I drove to the airport, scanning different faces as I prayed to see her in the crowd but my prayers weren't answered because I didn't see her.

I drove to the train station, the bus stops, even the small cafes she liked to visit when she wanted to be quiet and left alone. But there was no sign of her.

Everywhere that I went to I called her name in my head. Everywhere I looked I saw her face in my head. I would have easily called her phone but she made it useless by breaking her SIM card into two.

For her to break her SIM card into two, she meant that she didn't want me to find her and she made sure of it. And that was the thought that made me sick to the brain. 

Because if she didn't want me to find her. Then she didn't want me at all. I pulled over to the side of the road, my hands gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white.

Memories flooded me. The first time she smiled at me and the way her voice shook when she finally trusted me with her secrets. The night she held my hand like I was the only person keeping her grounded. 

How could she think she wasn't enough for me? How could she not know that without her I was nothing to write home about?

The weight of guilt pressed harder against my chest and I could have seen the signs earlier. The way she skipped her meals and the way she pulled away when I tried to hold her closer to me. The way her eyes carried storms I never asked about because I was too busy trying to keep the peace with ghosts from my past which was Sabrina. 

If Isabella had seen us last night. If she thought for even a second that I wanted Sabrina near me, then I was the biggest fool alive.

Because Isabella was the only one I wanted. She was the only one I have ever loved so much. And now she was gone from my life, and I also did not know if it was temporary or permanent.

I went back home and by the time I stumbled into the house. I was shaking with exhaustion and rage at myself. My legs feel like it dragged itself into my room. Her journal was still there on my bed and it was untouched and waiting for me.

I sat on the edge of my bed as my throat burned and I stared at the photo frame, lying face down on the floor. She must have taken it with her but then she dropped it in a rush.

I picked up the photo frame as my reflection blurred in the glass. But her smile in the picture stared back at me. I pressed my forehead against it and I closed my eyes as the words spilled from my mouth like a prayer.

“Wherever you are, Isabella. Please, come back to me. I will tear the world apart until I find you. I swear that I'm going to find you” I whispered as my words swallowed me whole.

And for the first time in years I felt powerless. For the first time in my life, I was terrified that I had lost the only woman I had ever truly loved.