chapter 129

chapter 129
Isabella's POV.

The pen slipped from my hand and rolled across the page of my journal. I stared at the messy words I had just scribbled.

“I'm tired. I want to disappear. Maybe move is not enough to survive all on my own”

My chest felt heavy and writing was the only way I could breathe these days. The only way to release the storm tearing me apart. Declan was just downstairs, but to me it felt as though he was further away from me than ever.

And as for Sabrina, she had the way of making the walls of this house close in on me until I couldn't find a space to stand.

I pushed the journal away and rubbed my eyes as I stood up. I thought maybe some water would calm the knot in my throat. As I stepped into the hallway, I heard voices from the living room and I froze when I heard hers.

“Declan. I know you are tired so just let me help you relax. All you have to do is just sit down and I will massage your shoulders.” Sabrina said as her voice was laced with softness.

My stomach clenched tightly and then I heard his voice.

“Fine.” he replied as I heard the sound of the chair scraping against the floor. My heart pounded so hard that it drowned out my thoughts and slowly I walked towards their direction, just enough to peek into the living room.

I saw Declan spotted on the chair with his eyes half closed, while Sabrina stood behind him. Her hands moved slowly across his shoulders and her fingers slid into his muscles. 

I thought he was going to stop her but he didn't do anything about it. He didn't even pull away from her if he thought that pushing her away would be violent of him.

“Just tell me what you feel from this massage? Have you finally seen that you need someone who understands how to take care of you?” she said as she chuckled lightly at her own words but he still didn't say anything in my defense.

And that was when I felt heartbroken. Something inside of me shattered and I couldn't bear to watch another second. My chest burned as my eyes were blurred with tears.

I turned and ran upstairs. I ran past my room and everything until I burst out the back door into the cool evening air. The tears came hot and fast, flowing down my cheeks as sobs ripped through me.

It felt like betrayal. Maybe he thought it was harmless, maybe he didn't see everything for what it was but I did. And to me, it was proof. Proof that I would never be enough.

I pressed my hand to my stomach as the secret I carried was trembling inside of me. What am I doing here? What kind of life am I giving this child growing inside of me?

I strolled down the road as I finally settled my ass around the park station bench with my journal balanced on my knees. The street light shone brightly on the scribbled words I added to my journal.

“He doesn't see me anymore. He doesn't choose me, but then I love him so much. But maybe love isn't enough when his past is still here. And she was alive,breathing, and touching him.

I saw a shadow on my blank page of the journal and I looked up, only to be startled to see Evelyn Genovese. My step mother who doesn't consider me her own, she has never shown even a little bit of tiny love towards me.

Of all people it had to be her and I knew she wouldn't leave any stone unturned to make my day worse than it is. But I was always ready for her because she had taught me how to do so.

She smiled at me but it was that cruel kind of smile.

“Well well. Look at you crying in public like a lost little girl. How pitiful is that” she mocked and I closed my journal with trembling hands. That is to show you how much anger I had inside of me.

“Not now Evelyn. I don't want you with me so leave my presence right this moment.” I warned but Evelyn wasn't the type to listen to instructions.

“Oh, what are you chasing me away from? When do you know that this is the perfect time? I know everything Isabella, your life is falling apart and your husband is being pulled back to where he belongs. This is karma for Mia. For me. And for everything you have destroyed with both your filthy and stained hands” she said and her words cut through me like knives.

“Mia might have gone to jail,  she continued. “But prison doesn't last forever and one day she is going to walk freely. But what about you? Your husband will truly never be yours. His real family has already come back” she said and I clenched my fists tightly around my journal.

“Mia was punished for the unforgivable crime she committed. So you can't compare us to each other and you also cannot keep throwing her sins at me every time you see me.” I said and Evelyn laughed out loudly at my words.

“Punished? Sweetheart this is just the beginning” she said and I instantly stood up to my feet. My legs were shaky but I was fueled by anger.

“Stay away from me Evelyn Genovese and this is your last warning from me.” I warned, pointing my finger at her and then I walked off before she could say another word to me.

The tears which welled up in my eyes made my vision blurry but I didn't care. I couldn't breathe in Evelyn's presence, at least not tonight. Not when my heart was already bleeding.

By the time I reached home, the house was quiet and Declan was nowhere to be seen. My chest tightened when I thought of what happened earlier as Sabrina messaged his shoulders sensually and he didn't say anything about it.

I went straight to my room as I jumped on my bed instantly. I was feeling so weak to even change my clothes and freshen up. I just stared at the ceiling but sleep never came and the decision I had been thinking of for so long formed in my chest like a heavy stone.

I had finally decided to leave. Not tomorrow, not next week. But tonight. The thought of me having to leave everything behind terrified me but it also gave me a strange and broken kind of peace that I haven't even felt since a disaster found its way into my life.

I had come to a conclusion that maybe leaving was the only way to save myself. The only way to protect the baby inside of me.

I reached for my phone and booked a one way ticket out of the state. It was a midnight flight. No luggage. And no goodbye.

I didn't dare pack my bags because I knew that if anyone saw me, then questions would definitely follow. Instead, I slipped my ATM card into my pocket. It was enough for a hotel until I figured out where to go. Enough to survive.

Then, with trembling hands I pulled out my SIM card and broke it into half as I threw the pieces inside the trash can. That was it, my ties to him and to this life. It was broken in two.

But before I could finally muster the courage to go. I needed to have one last physical look at the man I still loved.

I made my way to Declan's room and I pushed open the door. Declan was asleep and his face was relaxed as his chest was rising and falling heavily.

For a moment, I just stood there and I memorized him. My heart ached so fiercely that I feared that it might stop beating.

I walked closer to him with quiet steps. I wanted to touch him and kiss him. I wanted to crawl into his arms and never leave but it wasn't possible for that to happen.

“I love you, Declan. More than you will ever know but maybe love means letting go. Maybe love means wanting you to be happy, even if it isn't with me.” I whispered with a shaky voice.

My eyes stung as I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. And I was careful enough not to wake him up.

There was a photo frame of us which was placed on the table beside him. It was a frame of us smiling and our arms were wrapped against each other. I picked up the frame and pressed it against my chest. 

This photo frame was a piece of him I wanted to carry with me, even if he never knew and I looked at him one last time.

“Goodbye, my love.” I said, then I turned my back against him as I walked away as tears blurred my vision and my heart shattered with every step I took.

Declan was unaware that I was leaving that night and I wanted it to be that way. Because this time, I wasn't just leaving him. I was leaving everything.