Closure.

Closure.
A month and two weeks later.



I am pacing around the nursery to put a very fussy Viola to sleep. She has been crying for a few minutes now and she's inconsolable. I already feel a headache coming up.

I'm trying to quiet her down quickly so she wouldn't wake Alexander. He's a peaceful baby most of the time but he's a copycat. The minute he hears his sister's cry, he joins in a few seconds later.

"Viola please. Please stop crying." I beg, almost close to tears myself.

It's four in the afternoon and I'm still in my dressing robe. I have literally spent the whole day with them but it's not enough for them.

I really do feel exhausted, I think as I wish Ross would come back from work quickly and help me with the twins.

Ross and I actually considered getting a nanny, but I wanted to try and raise them on my own, especially since I decided to quit my job.

For many reasons, one of the reasons being that I don't think I'll be able to fully commit to my job at the moment. I need another job, with flexible hours. But right now all I need is to get Viola to stop crying.

I've tried everything, checking and rechecking her diaper, giving her a bottle, burping her, wrapping and unwrapping the blankets on her, checking her temperature etc.

I have just one last resort, I think as I sit back into the rocking chair and offer her a breast. She latches on it quickly and slowly stops crying, her big blue eyes staring at me with tears hanging her long lashes.

"Oh! So that's what you wanted?" I murmur as I settle her in the crook of my arm while slightly rocking the chair. Tired is an understatement of how I feel, I am not tired, I am exhausted. I haven't had a good night's sleep in days. Days.

As I gently rock Viola and I am confronted with peace and silence once again, my mind drifts back to Kathy. The whole nursery is filled with her paintings and drawings. The decorator had managed to incorporate it beautifully. We cremated her like she wanted and her Urn is in my room.

Ross and I have debated for a long time where her ashes would be spread and we have both come to the conclusion that Ross's mother's Island will be the perfect location for it.

It's somewhere we would always be able to remember and go to and always remember that her.

The past few weeks have not only been hectic, it has also given me time to do a lot of self reflection and deep thinking, about life, about love and about family.

I visited Nick last week after the first trial. I visited him in prison. And I feel very bad. Regardless of what happened, Nick was my very close friend and even though his betrayal went deep, in a way, I believed what he said.

He looked beaten up and tired when I saw him.

"You look good Elenora. I'm happy to see you're doing okay." He said as I took a sit across him.

"Thank you. How are they treating you here?"

Nick shrugged.

"Well, like a criminal I guess. But there's not much I can do, I brought this upon myself."

"Well, you have a pretty good lawyer."

Nick chuckled nervously as he scratched his chin.

"I heard about Kathy. I'm sorry. She was too young."


I didn't reply.

"Why Nick? Why did you do it?" I asked the question that had been burning in me for weeks, the question that I had mulled over while I was kidnapped and mulled over some more while I was released and free.
It just didn't make sense that he would betray me that way.

"I never meant to hurt you Elenora. Really. Everything I did was to protect you from Carter and Charles Hamilton. They were willing to do anything to get you out of the way. If it wasn't for me, you'd be dead by now. And I don't regret that. I don't regret keeping you alive."


My mouth went dry as I became speechless.

"That's the truth, I know it's hard to believe, but I didn't just wake up and point a gun to your head just because I wanted to. I did it to protect you. You would never understand, but it kept you alive."

His eyes were hard and filled to the brim with unshed tears he refused to let fall.

"I don't.. I don't know what to say..." I murmured as I cleaned the tears from my face.

"You don't have to. The fact that you're breathing is enough for me. I know Ross is going to do everything to keep you safe. I just want you to be happy Elenora. You deserve the happy ending you want. You deserve everything good."

The look on Nick's face was hard to forget, I don't think I've ever seen Nick that sad or hurt. It was the Nick that I remembered. The Nick that would always go the extra mile for his friends, the Nick that would always do the extraordinary for the ones he loved.

"I have to go Nick. Thank you for everything. I really hope you don't spend all your life in jail for this."

My words were true, Nick's charges were almost as much as Carter, Chloe and Charles. And even though he had a good lawyer, I was fearful that would do little to help his case.

But talking to him made me feel better. It gave me closure.

That was one thing I had to do. Now there is another.

I look at the letter on my table.

Grandma Marcella dropped it off three days ago during her weekly visits. It's the letter Kathy wrote to me and honestly, I am too scared to open it.

I'm scared she'll tell me to move on, I'm scared she'll tell me to forget about her and focus on my life.

But I've been staring at the letter for three days now and I'm tired. I am tired of not having the courage to move on. Staying in my own little bubble because I am too afraid of what facing reality will do to me. I'm tired of seeing Ross silently begging for the old me to come back.


I put a now sleeping Viola back into her crib after planting a soft kiss on her forehead and adjust her blanket slightly. I check on Alexander and readjust his blankets and teddy bears a little lower and away from him.

He's starting to look so much like Ross more and more everyday. But unlike Ross he's starting to have a healthy shock of blond hair.


I pick up the letter and tear the envelope open before I can change my mind.

Dear Elenora,

If you're reading this, it can only mean that my open heart surgery wasn't successful. Everyday, I grow more weary about your absence but I know you're coming back. Because you're not the one supposed to die. Before you beat yourself too much about my death, remember you're the one who gave me a second chance in the first place. If you had never agreed to be the surrogate of a wealthy billionaire, I most likely wouldn't have gotten a new heart. And I would have died. Meaning, I wouldn't have spent an extra year with you. Thank you for teaching me to live when all I could think of was death. You are the brightest star in my sky, never let anything dim your glow. Not even my death because regardless of it all, I lived and I enjoyed every minute of it.


Love,
Kathleen August.




By the time I'm done, this time I'm smiling, not crying. I choose to smile because Kathy is right, she did get a chance to live one more year. It's not an opportunity many get. And I have to move on, crying and wallowing in self pity hasn't done much to help me or my relationship with my family.

Ross and I barely talk or sleep in the same bed anymore because I've let my grief consume me and I'm using the fact that taking care of the twins is a full time job as a cover up, which is wrong.


Ross deserves to know that despite everything that's going on with me, I still love him and I always will.

I look at myself in the mirror, I look like a mess, really. I stare at myself in disbelief and decide that Ross can't go to work, come back and see me looking like this. It's unacceptable.


Taking the baby monitor with me and making sure that the twins are in a safe sleeping position, I rush to the bathroom to thoroughly scrub myself.

First, I start off by shaving my legs, I don't think I've shaved them since forever, my lady parts too. My poor Ross must be so sex starved. He's been taking it all in like a champ though.

My hair is in a mess of tangles and knots and it is so greasy I have to re wash it more than twice till it's clean.

After a long bath and a mad dash to the nursery to check the twins who are still sleeping peacefully. Thank God for small miracles. I walk to my closet and pick up some sexy lingerie after calling Chef James to help me whip up Ross's favourite meal.
Marie arrives around that time to clean the house and I tell her to help me with the babies. When Ross comes, we might discuss hiring her as a live in nanny since she's so good with the babies.

I moisturise and style my hair, then straighten and curl it for a finishing look and I also manage to apply light makeup.




One and a half hours later, everything is set. Chef James has prepared a wonderful dinner of lamb roast and vegetables and I help out by setting the table and lighting the scented candles.

Marie is upstairs watching over the twins and the baby monitor is far away from my keen ears. There will be no late night snack tonight. No, not at all.

I'm sitting in the living room flipping through the channels waiting for Ross in my dressing robe that's covering a very revealing piece of lingerie I've not had the chance to try on.

There is a brief knock before the beep of number being punched in our security system is heard and Ross comes in exhausted as usual.

The minute he comes in he sets his eyes on me and stares at me with disbelief.

"How was work?" I asks as I go over to him and give him a brief hug. I really miss being so close to him, I try and pull away but he draws me closer.

"You don't know how much I've missed these." He replies gruffly as he buries his face in the crook of my neck.

"I missed you too Ross. I really do."

After a few seconds, Ross finally untangles his self from me and runs a hand through my hair.

"You finally brushed your hair."

I slap his hand away playfully.

"Yes. I did. You want dinner now?" I ask as I fling my dressing gown away leaving my lingerie in view.

I turn to look at Ross who has gone quiet all of a sudden.

The look on his face his pure animal.

"I already set the table. Chef James made the special you like."


Ross's eyes settle on my cleavage and my body gets hotter under the heat of his gaze. I miss him so much.

"I think I have another thing in mind for dinner."

"You do?" I ask as I cock my head.

"I do." he replies huskily as he kisses me greedily.

Oh! How I've missed his kisses. I've missed him so much my body instantly reacts to his touch with heated frenzy.

He wraps his strong arms around my ass and pulls me up and I wrap my legs around his waist.

"Are the twins sleeping?"

He asks as he breaks the kiss.

"Yes, they are. Marie is watching them. We have time."

Ross smiles happily.

"Oh good. You don't know how long I've been waiting to do this Mrs Hamilton."

He whispers slowly as his breath tickles my ear. I wiggle in delight as I pull him closer to me and plant another kiss on his lips.

"Well, lead the way Mr Hamilton."