Kathleen August.

Kathleen August.

The gentle pressure of someone touching my shoulder rouses me. I rub the tiredness from my eyes and blink.  Trying to focus and recalibrate my brain to remember where I am.
My eyes feel gritty and my mouth is awfully dry.

Squinting, I look around the room and see Ross and Grandma Marcella watching me calmly but seriously. Is it time to feed the babies?

I wonder.

What time is it? I ask shuffling in the bed. My entire body is still sore even though it's three days since I've given birth. I must have strained every muscle possible giving birth.

"What time is it?" I ask as I look around once again. Ross looks eerily quiet. I wonder what's wrong. Are the twins okay? There's no doctor or nurse in sight in my spacious private room.

"Around three." Ross answers.

"Is it time to feed the babies?" I ask as I look around but they're not in my room.

"No. Elenora. Kathy's finally conscious. She wants to see you."

Oh! Oh!

When I was in labour Kathy was in open heart surgery. I asked to see her but they told me she's in the ICU and it'll take at least three days before I can see her.

I really hope everything's fine. She must be out of the ICU now. That's great! I can't wait to show her the twins.

"Okay. Let me just get dressed..." I murmur as Ross passes me my dressing gown.

"Have you seen her? Is she still in the ICU?"

I ask Ross but he avoids my face.

"I've seen her. She's still in the ICU though, they're just keeping her there for observation you know?"

"Yes sure. I want to take the twins to her. Can you bring them for me? I know it's three in the morning but Kathy would love to see them."

"Sure. We already have a nurse bringing them up."

Grandma Marcella answers.


The Intensive Care unit is deathly quiet. Possibly because most of the people in there are nearing death. I try not to think of it as I snuggle Viola closely walking gently. My legs feel wobbly but I refused to get on the wheelchair. It's been three days and I want to start practising walking on my own feet.

Ross follows closely behind with a sleeping Alexander cocooned in his large hands. He looks exhausted but I know it's because of the babies. Feeding them, carrying them, lulling them to sleep has been one hell of a ride. And we've both been trying to finish a parenting book since we got to the hospital.

Kathy's doctor stops to talk to me before I'm allowed to enter.

"Mrs Elenora. Congratulations." He says softly as he looks at the twins and I smile at him.

"How's Kathy? Is she doing well?"

The doctor's face changes to that of seriousness.

"For now, we're unsure. Her case has always been a little tricky from the start. She's not showing signs of adequate improvement yet but we're hopeful."

My heart sinks as I watch the doctor's lips moving, I can barely hear his words when my head is pounding.

"Can I please just see her?"

"Yes. But please prepare yourself, try not to look too alarmed and speak very softly to her.

There's only one visitor allowed in her ward but the doctor makes an exception for Ross since he's holding Alexander and I'm not yet strong enough to carry both, besides they've been adding a lot of weight these days.

There's a doctor at the end of Kathy's ward and she's writing something on a chart. She looks over me and smiles.

"I'll give you two some space, want me to take the baby?"

I shake my head slowly as I look at Kathy on the bed who is deathly still, connected to all the beeping machines.

"No, it's fine. I know she'll like to meet them." I reply as quietly as I can.

The doctor nods her head slowly and she turns to leave.

"I know you have to talk to her Mrs Elenora but take it easy. She needs rest. Lots of it." The doctor whispers as she walks quietly away.

Then, we are alone. Well, apart from the beeping of the machines, Ross and the babies.

Kathy's eyelids flutter open. She looks so pale. Her once bright hair is in a dull bun on top of her head and she looks so thin and frail, like she had lost all the weight she had and became skin and bones.

But she smiles. And it's the same smile I remember. I blink away sudden tears as my chest tightens in pain.

"They're perfect." she says weakly as she looks at Viola and Alexander.

I stare down at Viola's sleeping face, she does look perfect.

"I agree. How are you doing?"

"Honestly, Not too good. But I wanted to see you the minute I woke up."

"Really? Do you need me to call the doctor?" I ask as I look at Ross's face.

"No, I'm fine. I wanted to tell you about a dream I had."

A dream?

I look at Kathy with uncertainty, is she being serious?

"It's about mum and dad."

My brain goes blank. After my parents untimely death, I always avoided talking about them, talking about my feelings about them. It always brought back too many memories. I rarely talked to Ross about them, I only told him that I didn't like talking about them. It was my way of moving on. Julian's too, Kathy was the only one who would remind us about them with a memory or a picture.

"What did you dream about Kathy?"

"We were on an island. It was a beautiful island. Warm sands, crashing waves. I was playing in the water, Mum and Dad were on the beach sun tanning. They called me to come sit with them and we watched the sunset together. It was beautiful. Mum looked so happy, Dad too. He was wearing the beach shorts you bought for him."

I cover my mouth to keep my sobs from being too loud.

Before my parents died they had been planning a family vacation. Mum, Dad and Kathy had voted that we should go to the beach. Julian and I had opted for a trip to Tokyo. I don't even know why I did, but I didn't really want to go to Tokyo, Julian convinced me to be on his side.

Since we couldn't decide, we kept postponing the trip because Mum and Dad wanted all of us to go. We didn't go until they died. Their death was so sudden, so unexpected that it triggered Kathy's growing heart condition and it made me fall into a deep deep depression that no one noticed. Because I had to stay strong.

"When you finally leave the hospital. We'll go to the beach. All of us. We'll go for a family vacation to any island you want."

Kathy smiles again.

"Can I hold her?" She asks softly and I slowly and gently settle Viola in the crook of Kathy's arm.

"I wish I can carry him too..." She says as she looks up at Alexandra in Ross's arm.

"Don't worry, when we're out of here you'll spend lots of time with them."

"Elenora..."

She calls out as she looks up at my face.

"Yea?"

"I'm scared."

The sentence breaks my heart. Kathy has been through so much, together we've been in and out of the hospital, seen different doctors, experienced different heartbreaks, challenges and anxiety. So much anxiety. And when we finally think it's over, that a new heart would be the end of our problems, it turns out it isn't.

I know we can get through this.

"You have nothing to be afraid of. I'm with you. You're fine. And you're strong."

I wipe away tears from my face quickly as Kathy looks away.

"You did everything you could Elenora. I know you did."

What's she talking about, I look at Ross who only looks away.

"You let me live. You made sure I had another shot at this even when you had to make sacrifices that at the time seemed painful."

"And I'll do it all over again." I say as I squeeze her hand.

"No, you don't have to worry about me anymore."

"What are you talking about? I'm always going to worry about you. Especially when you have questionable love interests."

Kathy weakly laughs.

She slowly hands me back Viola and I calm the fussy baby.

"I want to go to the beach, I wanna see Mum and Dad..."

"Shhhhh. Don't worry about that. All you need to do is rest." I say as I put a finger on her lips.
She must be delusional.

Kathy shakes her head as she looks around the room.

"I love you so much. And the twins. And Ross."

"We love you too. We can't wait for you to get out of this place."

"I left a letter for you. Grandma knows where it is."

She adds weakly, her grip on my hands seems to be getting stronger and stronger with every passing second. I bite my lips to keep myself from wincing from the pain.

"Rest Kathy. Just rest. You'll be out of here soon. Then we can go to the beach..."

I ramble on for a few more minutes before the doctor tells us it's time to go.


3:54am on the 3rd of April, Kathleen August Wilson passes away after complications from her surgery and severe heart arrhythmia.