Chapter 13

We’re walking hand in hand, fingers entangled, along the sunny pavement in the crisp morning air toward the house Jake wants to buy. It’s almost a replica of the Carrero family home, yet instead of warm sandy brown roughing on the outside it’s brilliant white with palm trees gracing the front of the manicured lawn in an arc, it’s beyond gorgeous and postcard picture perfect.

Two stories high with modern clean lines and large windows under a sloped tiled roof. It looks so much bigger than the Carrero family home because of the bright colors and straight manicured lines of the surrounding lawns. It’s neat and modern looking in contrast to the flower beds and bushes of Sylvana’s gardens.

It reminds me of Jake’s apartment in small ways. His neat masculine style and bold edgy taste but somehow this has a much homelier quality and a long sweeping drive up to a very beautiful, dark wood, grand front door.

The agent meets us at the open door, a man in his late 30s sporting a side parting, with smoothed back hair and expensive suit. He ushers us inside proficiently with a huge grin. He has a tall slim frame and very cheesy smile with wandering eyes as I approach behind Jake, still being pulled by that possessive hand.

“It’s a blank canvas to put your stamp on.” The man beams at us, leading the way through the white marble, neutrally painted hall, identical to Sylvana’s, to a modern black granite kitchen with white units and steel appliances. He sweeps an arm around the expanse as though encouraging us to look around.

“That’s what we want ideally, a place to mold into our own.” Jake’s eyes flick to me with a smile then walks forward to properly look around the kitchen, letting me go so I can stand and admire it all. He likes to cook, occasionally, and I can imagine him in here making pancakes on a Sunday morning for me like he normally does.

The thought warms me through my stomach, and it rises to my cheeks. I can see Jake happy in this room,

it’s his kind of taste, enough modern and high-tech to

satisfy him yet still warm and welcoming into the heart of the home. I can imagine small chubby legged children sitting around the long low table near the huge wall of patio doors looking out into a massive, manicured garden with an outdoor pool.

In the distance, there is an outdoor garage in the same gleaming white and a row of steel doors, suggesting he could fit a lot of cars in there. I have no idea how many cars Jake owns seeing as he keeps them all over the place; his apartment complex, the Carrero business buildings, parking under the apartment, and I know he has a car here as well at his mother’s home.

“Any chance we can do a walk around alone first?” Jake throws back to the agent who is standing close to me, smiling a little too charmingly. The normal urge to recoil at his attention has been replaced with an empty ignorance and lifted chin. I find his interest in me more of an irritation that an outright sense of repulsion.

You have no chance; you don’t compare to Jake in any way.

I catch Jake frowning in that I’ll beat you glare now that he’s spotted where Mr. Agent’s attention is placed, and I smile at my jealous boy with adoration.

Some things never change.

“Yes of course. I’ll wait right here if you want to wander. The owners are away for a few days and all the staff are non-residential. The place is completely empty so feel free.” He beams and steps away when Jake comes back to my side, slipping his fingers into mine, leading the way with another unfriendly glare in the man’s direction as he lays his claim to me deliberately.

“Asshole,” he mutters under his breath as we move back out into the hall away from the agent and I stifle the urge to giggle.

“Really, Jake? Are you always going to be brow beating other men just for looking at me?” I slide my other hand around his arm and pull myself against him as we walk.

“Yes.” He replies non-apologetically and I shake my head at him.

At least he’s honest. I guess never having to deal with jealousy in his life means he has no clue how to notch it down.

I sigh affectionately as he leads me through the downstairs rooms. The layout is almost identical to next door. Large spacious lounge, big open formal lounge, both with huge windows and great fireplaces dominating one wall, both decorated in neutrals and wooden flooring.

Downstairs holds a couple of offices or study rooms depending on what use you have for them and a separate utility room; tucked far along the long corridor through the long corridor. There are a couple of small bedrooms possibly for house staff and each has their own en suite.

He pulls me back along the large hall and upstairs we find more of the same layout as the Carrero house; more than half a dozen large bedrooms with en suites and equally fabulous neutral décor. The house is grand and airy. It’s more than big enough to house a very large family, there’s so much space, rooms with walk-in closets and little nooks here and there. It’s everything you would ever need even if you planned on adopting a football team.

“What do you think?” Jake asks, turning to me in the last room of the house, another vast bedroom. This one housing an en suite with large jacuzzi and gorgeous view of the distant ocean. Through full-length glass doors, I can see there is a little private balcony.

“The house is huge, Jake. I mean I knew your parents’ house was big, but I’ve never actually had the tour. This is more rooms than we’ll ever need.” I blink around at the sheer size of this one room. Sarah’s whole apartment in Queens could fit into this one room and it’s a little overwhelming, if not slightly intimidating, to say the least.

“I’m sure we could occupy most of them.” He smirks and runs a hand over my abdomen with his flat palm and I gape at him in complete horror. He giggles at my reaction, giggles, yet I’m still standing open-mouthed in shock that he might intend on having an army of kids. Right now, I’m on one and one is almost just bearable for now.

“It’s a house to grow into, Emma, and enough rooms for people to come stay over. I’m sure moving out here would mean Sarah and Marcus would want to come and see you occasionally. Plus, Leila lives in the city and even though her folks are nearby I’m sure she’d want to kick back here when she visits. Daniel too. I’d rather buy a house that has space to expand than up and move again down the line when we decide on more kids.”

He’s let me go, walking around the room, looking at the space pulling open a door onto a full walk-in closet as part of me jumps up and down inside with a happy dance which urges my feet toward the walk-in. I quell the urge to be swayed over by a momentous wardrobe.

Oh, my God it has a built-in vanity and make-up lighting. So weak, Emma … But look at how many shoes I could fit in here.

“More kids? Let me get my head around this one Jake … One right now!” I frown at him sternly, trying very hard to pull my head out of the vast space for lots of clothes and shoes and wonderful accessories. He turns and walks back to me, placing his hands on my shoulders and looks me directly in the eye.

“Do you want this house, Emma?” He’s deadly serious, his intense focus doesn’t falter.

I bite on my lip and look past his numbing gaze, around the room we’re standing in, at the huge four poster bed and modern sleek furniture, plush carpets and heavy drapes framing the most magnificent view I have ever seen. It’s more than a little tempting if I can get my head around how much a house like this would cost.

“I could see you living here, it’s totally your style.” I sigh, trying not to think about the price tag attached to this vast amount of space.

“Could you see you living here?” He nudges me gently with a small half-smile on the corner of his mouth. His face utterly devastating with that twinkle in his eye. He’s going all ‘Charming Carrero’ on me and my knees are already weakening.

God don’t do irresistibly cute right now.

“If it was made a little homelier? Maybe less modern and harsh? I love the view.” I know I’m being evasive, part of me is thumping about like a maniac getting ready to jump into full panic mode.

This is the forever house. The big leap. The ‘letting myself go and fully trusting Jake to take care of things’ house. Letting him go ahead and spend ridiculous amounts of money on ‘our’ house.

I take a slow heavy inhale. He still hasn’t uttered a word. He’s just watching me with his intense green gaze, boring deep down into my soul. My mind whirring and clicking, trying to stay sane; life with Jake is always going to include money. Life with Jake is always going to include trusting him to take control because he doesn’t know who else or how else to be. I just need to learn to give in a little and enjoy that about him. I need to just trust him to always do what is right for us and let him make me happy. I need to relinquish that part of me scared of a new life and just have faith.

“On one condition.” I finally blink at him and resign myself to the fact that I need to be brave for once.

“What’s that?” He smiles softly, eyes glued to my face with a little smug hint of triumph that I’m trying to ignore.

“I choose the décor,” I respond boldly, and he throws me the widest happy grin I’ve ever seen, planting a kiss fully on my mouth in an over eager fashion before picking me up into a crazy round swing.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, baby.”

* * *

“So, when do you move in?” Leila lounges across the bed in Jake’s old bedroom and takes a grape from the platter of food between us; snacks and sandwiches including lots of fruit, courtesy of Mamma Carrero and her constant care.

Sylvana is the perfect host and she’s been doting over me when the house is empty during the week, when the men are at work or doing whatever the Carrero men do when not glued to their women folk. She enjoys my company and Leila has flown to see me when I finally drummed up the courage to tell her about the baby.

To say she was ecstatic is an understatement and the five-foot teddy bear suspended on helium balloons, in the middle of the bedroom floor over the massive hamper of baby products, was her arriving gift, humped in by two very good-looking men.

It’s been four days since the house viewing and Jake had to go into the city to oversee some business details and deal with the house sale. He’s been gone two days and already it feels like an eternity without him here. Still not able to fly and still getting car sick means Jake has put me on a travel ban for the time being and now I’m stuck here living in his old bedroom in the Carrero family home and twiddling my thumbs in boredom.

“I think Jake’s pushing for a quick sale. He has his lawyers tying things up already and I know the Wilsons were ecstatic about him being interested in the house.” I imagine that Giovanni is applying pressure to his golfing partner to ensure his son seals the deal and according to Arrick, Sylvana having us next door will make her year.

I have given up on contemplating my job and career for the time being but it’s not something I am going to give up on completely just to live the life of a kept woman. I intend to figure that out in time, but for now being pregnant and just enjoying being pampered no longer makes me feel guilty at all. Finally resigning myself to the fact that this lifestyle is a part

of being with him. My phone lights up across the bed and I reach over, grabbing it to me impulsively.

Jake Carrero has sent you an iTunes gift.

I start grinning and Leila shakes her head at me. She knows the face that implies Jake has texted me, obvious glee because I miss him so much and have been acting like a teen girl with a mega crush the last few days. His back-to-back meetings means he has only been able to text through the day and not call me much at all.

I flick it open, and smile again, unable to conceal my joy and the way my heart gets all warm and gooey and tingly.

Jake Carrero has sent you–Avril Lavigne “I Miss You”.

I chew on my lip as I waiver over whether I should reply with a song which once broke my heart or scroll for a new one. Maybe it’s time to make that song mean something else to us now; take away the pain I feel anytime I hear it on the radio or in passing. I push down the doubt with a slow inhale and send it on its way to him.

You have sent Jake Carrero–Avril Lavigne “When You’re Gone”

Attached message – Erasing the past. Remember? E xx.

I stare at the screen of my phone as my ‘gift’ slips away across the inter web to my awaiting love, hoping he remembers it. The special song I once sent in hopes of him figuring out how I felt and instead rejected me, and the words attached are his words at a new beginning so long ago.

Leila is completely immersed in a magazine, while I’m focused on the love of my life, amusing herself while

I’m distracted. Surprisingly patient for such a little firebomb of energy.

My phone flashes with a text and this time it’s a message instead of a song and again I can’t stop that heart fluttering gooey response in me.

I’ll never let you go baby. I’ll never let you walk away either. I would never be stupid enough to ever go down that route again. The past doesn’t matter, only what the future holds. I love you xxx. J.

My heart aches with his response and a tear catches in my throat. My Jake with his fast words that always sing to me, so in tune with everything I need to hear. I reply with a text and a song, a twinkling little smile stuck clearly on my face.

Avril Lavigne “Keep Holding On” … I love you more xxx”

“You two are sickeningly cute you know?” Leila is watching the obvious happiness spread on my face, thanks to Jake’s messages, and seems a little forlorn where love is concerned. I feel guilty for ignoring her and pull myself up to move closer to her, putting my phone face down on the bed so it won’t distract me if he replies. “Jake and his pushy one hundred mile an hour self.” Leila giggles, bringing us back to the conversation about the house and a quick sale now she has my full attention, she pops another grape into her mouth. I beam as I think of him. I wouldn’t change him anymore; not even that part of him now I know where it stems from. Jake is always going to be pushy, bossy, and sometimes domineering but I’m sure I have traits that are equally bad and I’m learning how to counteract him in my own way. I love him regardless and sometimes I even love those things about him.

“Pushy, impulsive and spontaneous while I’m cautious, over aware and over analyze.” I sigh and reach for a piece of fruit to pick at despite being full to bursting already.

“Perfect balance, babes … You need each other to even things out.” Leila grins at me knowingly, all hints of sadness now gone from that pretty face. I push more grapes in my own mouth and smile at her observation.

I never thought of it that way.

“What about Daniel? Any word on that front?” Since Hunter started therapy he’s been keeping out of the way, only calling Jake every couple of days, and Leila hasn’t mentioned him at all since her arrival earlier.

“One text … Telling me he was trying to figure things out and to give him time.” Leila shrugs and rolls on her back, avoiding my eye contact suddenly. “I told him I met someone else, so to push off.” She adds quickly and avoids even looking at me, lifting the magazine above her face as though she’s trying to read in that position.

“What? Why?” I sit upright a little too quickly, upsetting the tray on the comforter, sending grapes rolling everywhere, and eye her accusingly. She shrugs and pastes on the defiant furrow of her brows that I can still see clearly even from this angle.

“I told you I’m done waiting for him, yeah, he’s finally in therapy … Bravo. But for how long? And how long before he doesn’t run a mile at any hint of real affection, Emma?” Leila sits up with a single tear in her eye. “He hurt me for the last time. Really hurt me. Why would I sit around waiting for something that may never actually happen? Therapy is a start, but it doesn’t mean it will actually change much.”

I must admit I didn’t see this coming at all. She has waited so long for some sort of real emotion from the guy and now he’s doing something about it, she’s running the other way. I can’t help but wonder if Leila is now scared about the change in him and the possibility of more.

“I think he loves you, Leila … He’s doing this for you,” I try, but that stubborn lift of her chin and hardening of her soft face shuts me up.

“He should be doing it for himself. I don’t want that pressure.” A tear rolls down her cheek and she brushes it away with an angry jut to her bottom lip. Inner Leila always fighting to come out and push him away, pushing away the memory of heartbreak and any weakness concerning Daniel.

“Is there really someone else?” I push in a new direction. I know how she can be; the more you pry, the higher that defensive wall kicks in, Leila really doesn’t do victim at all. In fact, she rarely does any sort of weakness.

“Kurt Robson … He’s followed me around for years. He’s like a little puppy dog always trying to get my attention and I figure maybe it’s time to let him try. He’d never hurt me. He’s safe and gentle and kind and he completely dotes on me.” She can’t look me in the eye at all and I feel utter sadness for her. She’s running to safety, running to a man she doesn’t love, because he can’t and never will hurt her.

“How do you feel about him?” I reach out and touch her fingers when I see that distant daydreamy look in her eye as her head gets lost in thought. No doubt thinking about the one man she’s refusing to give any sort of chance to.

Oh, Leila!

“I’ll learn to love him. I mean he’s sweet, handsome

and funny. He treats me nicely and he never drops me like I’m some infectious disease, he doesn’t care about

my past. He’s calm and straightforward with no wild tendencies, the exact opposite to Daniel. It’s what I need.” She swallows down the surge of emotion and pastes a bright smile on her face. Her eyes betray what’s coming out of her mouth, but I let it go.

An overwhelming sadness hits me in my stomach and can’t stop the moisture hitting my eyes. Here is a girl completely in love with a man who is completely in love with her and yet neither can get it together and just be happy. Daniel is what Leila needs. Safe, dull, and kind will only last so long. She needs someone as hot and fiery as her to match her every mood and handle her at her worst. She needs someone who will stand up to her bullshit and sweep her off her feet; someone who keeps life fun and interesting and is just as impulsively wild as her. She needs a man who can embrace her wild side and not want to tame it, someone who won’t let that pushy side of Leila dominate him and knows exactly how to handle her. She needs Hunter. Yet she’s too damn scared to let him hurt her again.

I get that lump in my throat and think of Jake. I’ll go

out of my way to do anything to make sure we never go

back there.

I’ll never let us drift apart again.

It’s the most heart-breaking thing I’ve ever witnessed.

“Enough about that asshole … Have you heard anything more about that god-awful psycho slut?” Leila blinks at me and I know immediately that she means Marissa. The images that brassy whore conjures up in my head from the dining room experience make me bristle in hate.

“Surprisingly not. She’s been lying low and hiding out since that little scene. Jake keeps expecting some sort of back lash like a refusal to let him see the kid after it’s born or something equally vindictive. He says silence is never good with her and I get the sense he’s on tenterhooks about it.” I try for nonchalant and just sound snooty. Leila grins at me, seeing through my attempts at mature and disconnected.

“Yeah, she’s always been a devious whore with a calculated mind … Watch that one, Emma. She’s got absolutely no scruples; money, looks and entitlement have made for a very deathly spoiled bitch. Barbie with a shotgun and a hunger for blood.”

I laugh at Leila’s description and sigh, lounging back to pick up the last of the grapes we retrieved from the bed. That pang of pain at the mere mention of her. Even though I forgave him I still find myself pondering it all and it can still hurt me when I let it.

“Still no sex?” Leila butts into my morose demeanor. I sigh extra loudly, shaking my head and rolling my eyes in frustration, flopping back against the cushions on the bed beside her feet.

“Jake literally can’t muster up the ability to do it, anytime we get close he just has images of impaling a baby’s head or other such nonsense about guilt or making me miscarry. You know what he’s like about being forthcoming with his insecurities … pretends that he’s got none. He’s completely freaking out about it and no amount of reassurance from the doctor has changed that. He’s treating me like fine china and if I so much as dare to move an inch he’s all over me asking me what I need or if I want to lay down or if I should even be moving around. He’s suffocating me with over protectiveness and to be frank, I feel like strangling him to death.” I let it all out in a gush then grin at the hilarity of it all; it appears playboy Casanova Carrero has done a massive U turn.

Leila bursts into hysterical laughter and falls sideways on the bed unable to control herself.

“Oh, my God.” She wheezes trying to gain control. “Who knew hot stud Carrero would literally go celibate and turn into such a fish wife?” She bursts into another fit of giggles and I hit her with a cushion.

“It’s not funny! Sex happens to be one of his most defining qualities.” I laugh and throw another cushion when tears start pouring down her face, uncontrollable laughter bubbles forth from that petite little blonde.

“It’s kinda cute though.” She chokes, trying to get the laughter under control, hugging her ribs. “I mean he obviously loves his baby so much already that it’s messing with his head as much as you do, Emma.” She wipes her

eyes and throws one of the cushions back at me. I can’t help but enjoy the feeling of warmth it gives me and try to ignore the niggle of guilt I get when I think of Marissa’s baby.

“But what do I do about it? He says it’s partly to do with forgiving himself. But my hormones are crazy bad! I’m literally thinking of slipping Viagra in his coffee and raping him in his sleep!” I huff and flop back dejectedly. The inner frustration from aching for sex lately has brought back touchy and grouchy Emma. I need more than cuddles and caresses. Jake has shown me a whole world of kinky sexual fulfillment and I need that back too.”

“You wouldn’t need to. Jake has that sleep thing … Ummm sexo … something.” Leila points out distractedly while thumbing through the magazine still on the bed.

“Sexsomnia!” I sit upright remembering our conversation in Chicago a while ago. He initiates sex while sleeping if he’s overly stressed.

“Yeah, get him stressed to the max then make the moves on him in the middle of the night and he’ll do the rest. If he does it once he’ll see, there’s no danger.” Leila laughs but I sigh and shake my head at her.

“I couldn’t do that, it’s too sordid and seems like I’d be taking advantage of him. He wouldn’t be happy about it and I couldn’t do it. It would be wrong on so many levels.” I can just imagine the amount of pissed off I would get from Jake if he thought he’d done the deed while not being aware of it. The anger at not being able to protect me from himself and anger at me for deliberately pushing him to do it. I know only too well how that head works.

“So? You just need to pull out all the stops and seduce him. Push out those crazy fears and doubts by whirling him into a lust fueled frenzy he has no control over. You seemed to be more than capable of that before all this.” Leila winks across at me with a smirk. I think about what she’s saying for a long moment and smile.

“You’re completely right. I’ve got so used to Jake running after me, pandering to my every need, and still basically kissing ass to make up for things, that I haven’t once thought about turning on the sex myself.”

I have spent weeks being heartbroken and moody at having a version of Jake I’m not used to, pampering my every mood and I haven’t even thought about unleashing my own powers of persuasion. The Emma from our games and Emma from the night in this very house dressed in sexy lingerie and tight dresses that drove him wild. Emma who knew how to push Jake’s buttons. I need to up the game and remind him of just how much he wanted me.

Where is that, Emma?

She has been mourning and sulking, hiding herself for fear of letting him back in and now she has no reason not to. She wants him back in, needs him, and she sure as hell is going to show him that’s what he needs too. I’ll be damned if I spend the entirety of this pregnancy as a sex starved, hormonal, crazy, bitch with serious sexual frustration. I am sure as hell going to get Jake back to how he was when I had no baby bump on show and could make the most of sexy lingerie and kinky fun. He doesn’t know what is about to hit him. I am going to seduce Jake Carrero and sweep him off his feet this time! I need that man back, the one who drove me crazy with lust and wasn’t afraid to have sex in many compromising positions in various locations. He made me feel desired and sexy.

“You know you’ve completely ruined one of New York’s most eligible bachelors now?” Leila eyes me up with a mischievous smile.

“How so?” I smile at her, furrowing my brow.

“Workaholic, jet-setting man-whore, a serious commitment-phobe with an adrenaline junkie lifestyle. Now he’s a doting fiancée with baby on the way, buying houses, avoiding work and dangerous hobbies like the plague. You know even if you left him now Emma, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. His old life has no appeal anymore, it wouldn’t satisfy him the way it once did. Irreversible damage little one. I’m so proud of you.” She grins and squeezes the ankle of my outstretched foot, affectionately, and I can only smile back at Leila’s always refreshing view from the outside.

“I guess you’re right.” I ponder her words and gaze at my lap.

Is that what happened to me too? Is this why going back to the Carrero Corporation no longer holds appeal or any sort of tug?

That girl was so focused on her job as an assistant because it was what she needed. Focus and control and details to oversee, a distraction from her own life and pain. She liked to immerse herself in someone else’s realities and needs, it helped her push down any sort of emotion needed to connect to a life. She had no life.

Now I’m struggling to go back because it no longer satisfies me or appeals in any way, because Jake changed me too. Irreversible damage! And if he left me now, I could never go back to who I was either. That life is so far in my past that it’s no longer connected to me in any way. The girl I was no longer resembles the woman I have become. I need a new tomorrow, a new purpose and focus in life, I need a new job.