Chapter 47 — Fleeting Feelings

“Can we—I’m getting cold, Joss. I need to change.” Jessi forced a smile and a calm tone as she tried to ignore just how wet her clothes got, like his soaked sweatshirt and pants on the floor. Her entire body shivered, her heart pounded against her chest, and now her feet felt kinda funny on the cold tiles.

Instead of letting her go so she could step out, Jenson held her face and just kissed her lips.

It took her breath away. Her brain froze in utter shock. She gawked at him. His body pressed onto hers to keep her immobile. Their proximity just halted her breathing. She didn't expect he would actually do it. Or that they would end up kissing in the shower in the middle of a stormy night.

The guy pulled away for a second, just to look her dead in the eyes, as if gauging her real feelings. Then his soft and warm lips touched hers again, coaxing her to kiss him back while his nose pressed onto her cheek. His hands kept her head still.

"I want you to stay," he murmured to her before kissing her softly. Again. Then again. It got heated in just seconds. He didn't stop. He kept kissing her ardently and thoroughly till she responded. "Just stay. Please?"

"I can't, babe." It was all she could say before he kissed her hard again. The taste of beer and whiskey in his tongue didn't surprise her. Her breathing turned unsteady as her chest and stomach tightened in painful knots. The anxiety, desire, and sheer surprise near rendered her thoughtless.

"Don't leave Cali. Stay here with me." He sighed before his lips touched hers again to deepen the kiss. He moaned when his hot tongue licked hers, just tasting her mouth, teasing her into submission.

His thighs tensed up on either side of her stiff legs, trapping her against the cold wall, and it felt like he wasn't going to let go of her no matter how many times she pleaded.

Shit. They should stop now before things got completely out of hand. Hit pause now before they did something even more stupid. But...she didn't really want him to stop.

It was a big mistake. Colossal. Just plain stupid. But the thought of pushing him away while he practically begged for her to comfort him in a time of need, and the thought of not seeing him for a while...

It just loosened her grip on her emotions. Now she just wanted to give in. Let him be. Let him have his way. But she was the sober one. She could still muster up some sense.

Battling the desire in her to let him do whatever he wanted wasn't easy, but she had to do the right thing. Jessi pulled away after giving his tense shoulders a nudge. It was enough to push him off of her, effectively stopping the kiss.

He backed away to regard her with a heavy-lidded stare. "What's wrong?" he mumbled as his frown deepened. His breaths sounded shallow as his warm hands stroked her face.

She looked away and didn't respond. Of course he would ask her that. As if he didn't know the reason...

He wasn't in control of himself and his actions. Drunk and heartbroken. Stressed out. Emotional. Vulnerable.

She shouldn't take advantage of the situation just because of her feelings or how she felt for him. But she didn't really want to push him away. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him or make him feel unwanted in any way.

“You think I’m just drunk,” Jenson muttered with a sigh when she stepped towards the shower door. It was still locked, no thanks to him and his remarkable eagerness. “But I mean it.”

“No. You definitely don't.” She finally unlocked the door and left him alone in the shower area. She rushed out of the bathroom before the tears could touch her burning face. The shame and self-loathing just made her cheeks feel like they were on fire. And his kisses were gasoline.

“Why would I lie to you? Hey.” He grabbed her arm to stop her from walking out of her bedroom. Then he turned her around to make her face him. “Sorry. Baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...”

“You're wasted, and it's late. Okay? Let's talk in the morning.” She kept her head down to avoid his intimidating stare. He didn't need to see the tears threatening to run down her cheeks and have her bawling her eyes out in front of him.

When she held his hand to get it off her arm, he leaned in and, without any warning, just started kissing her again. “I meant it, Jess,” he murmured to her lips with his arm tight around her back. “I don't want you to leave.” Jenson stroked her cheek and held her still, kissing her mouth over and over, harder and with fervid need till they both had to gasp for air. “And I'm not drunk.”

×

“Can I take it off? Please?”

The request was as candid as it sounded sincere. But it still surprised her, leaving her thoughts in disarray again, leaving her speechless while she stood in front of him.

Jenson sat on the edge of her bed, now wearing nothing but his boxer briefs, his dark hair still damp and in loose curls.

Should she say no? Or maybe she should just ignore what he said. Her nervousness kept her from saying what was really on her mind, but she could still think straight. She drank a sip of margarita at the party after Darren dared her, but she wasn't drunk at all.

Unlike Jenson, her thoughts were still coherent. Well, for the most part. When she kept her mouth shut, he stroked her thigh under her soaked dress while he stared at her face.

The lamp on the nightstand was too dimmed for her to accurately describe the shadowed look in his eyes. But it definitely showed hints of eagerness and lust. His gentle but arousing caresses on her skin also said a lot about his current state of mind.

Did he really want to undress her? Why? Just because he wanted to look at her body?

“Please? I just wanna look at you.” His quick hands gripped her hips now. He pulled her closer till her knees touched the inside of his thighs. He sat on the bed with his legs spread apart just enough to accommodate her.

His voice sounded normal, his words weren't slurred, and he seemed serious. Not playful at all. But she still doubted whether he was sober enough to realize the gravity and consequences of his actions.

“Jess...”

She sighed and rolled her eyes. Ah, screw it. If saying yes would stop him from doing things they would definitely regret later, then fine. She'd let him take off her dress. Just tonight. And just because he asked so nicely. Just pleading for her to say yes.

"But if you..." he glanced down and cleared his throat, "want me to leave now, just say so."

"No." She frowned.

"Why?"

"I can't just...let you leave. The storm's not over. You can't even stand straight, and it's past midnight."

“Okay,” he murmured with a small, crooked grin. “I'm serious, though...” Jenson scowled again, seeming annoyed by something she said. “Sleep here. With me.” He caressed her forearm while his other hand gripped her wrist. “Please?”

She sighed. Maybe she just had to say yes to all his requests, just to stop him and herself from escalating the situation. For his own good. “Sure. But you gotta sleep now. Goodnight.”

He pulled a face and looked away.

“What?”

He shook his head faintly while his palm covered his pout. “You still think I'm just out of it, huh?”

An awkward silence passed. The anxious thoughts just took control of her brain. She couldn't even think of a decent response. “Look...” Jessi muffled a sigh. She glanced away from his face and stared at the pillows while he sat still on her bed. “I know you're just going through a lot right now. And you want some company. Someone to talk to. But this isn't... I-I can’t—”

“Can't or won't?”

She squinted at his poker face. “What?”

It was a while before he spoke again. His dark brows creased now, his hands still touching her damp clothing. “It's none of my business, and I really shouldn’t care, but…” Jenson forced a smile and shrugged. He distractedly stared at his hand clasping the hem of her dress. “I don't want you to...um...start dating and seeing someone seriously after you quit and move back home.”

“What?”

“Have some fun first.”

Have fun? She held her breath when he pulled her to him to make her sit on his lap. Despite her misgivings, she let him hug her loosely with his arms around her waist.

“You're still young, y'know. Just live your life the way you want, and worry about everything else later.”

What did he mean? And why did he feel the need to bring up her age?

He probably thought she was that naïve. Well, now she kind of felt that way. Sitting in bed at two in the morning alone with her drunk and naked boss...

Ugh. She was such a walking cliché now. It wasn't even the least bit funny.

“Just enjoy life. Don't rush it. Do your thing. Save up,” the guy droned on with a frown. “Plan for your future. Sure. But don't worry about being alone, or think not having a boyfriend isn't normal.” He held her wrist now, and his gaze seemed to focus on her lips. “Relationships? Not really worth it in the end sometimes.”

Okay. So now he was plainly discouraging her from dating, adamantly telling her to stay single for a while. Another casual, friendly "big brother" advice? Perhaps.

It made sense, though. To her at least. Although she knew it was just his personal bias and recent heartache talking, she acknowledged the point he was trying to make. “Okay. I won't.”

“You deserve better.” Jenson sighed loudly and hugged her tighter. “Not dickheads like that asshole who hurt you and treated you like crap.” He kissed her cheek softly. "I just don't want you to get hurt again."

“Okay.”