Broken, shattered...Still here
I didn’t say anything to him though, I was still to shaken by the events of last night. I just took his hand into mine and held on to it. He was my rock and I hadn’t even noticed it. I had come to be comfortable around him and I liked the feeling of knowing he would always be a part of my life. When he lies down next to me on top of the blankets I sighed. He didn’t try to take up my space, but wanted to help me to understand that I was loved. Even after what happened, he wanted to be close.
Three days later I was still in a zombie state and didn’t know when I would come out of it. Draven had told me we would be going to Scotland in a week or so and I didn’t know if I wanted to go. Mom told me I should go it would do me good to get out of the house; she would have the room cleaned and a new bed brought in for me. I smiled at her and agreed. We had to get so much stuff together to go over to Scotland and I was so tired all the time that I didn’t know if I could bring myself to go.
I tried to pack but so many of my shirts had been distorted that I didn’t have much to take so I called Ceri to see if she had come up with anything. She asked for me to come out and see what she had made. I wanted to be gitty to see the stuff she had made, to see her agian. Sadly thought I was still so broken that I wasn't sure I would ever really smile again. I wondered thought the house hating it now. Even though it was my dream home. I didn't want to let him take that away from me. I wanted to be stronger than I was at this point. It wasn't that easy and the only people I had to talk to didn't understand. Maybe I was lossing it, as I lost pieces of my heart where still missing.
Even healed I still had scars under my breast. The one scar was on my hip almost to my underarm. Draven didn't understand why they didn't heal like they should. No one understood what had happened. They knew that Blaze had been demon possesed and was evil. Trouble was he acted more like a human in the things he did. Like trying to kill me. I knew that it was just another piece that didn't fit into who I was.
Mom had been trying to get me to get out for a little while here and there. I didn't want to go out much because I was scared. Scared that someone else would hurt me. Draven had been staying at the house, he thought I didn't know but I did. His scent was all over the house. That night he had changed the mattress so I would be on a clean one. Burned the mattress and sheets when they burned the body. I knew that he had taken the blankets from the bed and washed them, if they didn't get clean enough he bought new ones for me. The things he did for me made my heart squeeze but it was still broken and leaking blood.
I decided to get dressed and go over to see Ceri. Maybe she would help me to heal my heart. My soul wasn't in one piece either but I kept moving. Building what I had into a better one or so I hoped. I finally took the time to do my hair, put on makeup. It was a start to getting back to who I was. Maybe Draven would be proud of me for getting up and out of the house. I wasn't sure and I was shaking like a leaf when I stepped out of the door.