Chapter 179 Therapy

Chapter 179 Therapy
ANASTASIA POV

“Ana, I wasn’t expecting you to be back so soon, considering our last session,” Catherine, my therapist, said.

I wasn’t expecting myself to be back either. The last time I came, after my mum had practically forced me, I ran straight out of the session the second Catherine asked me to speak.

“Yes… But I think I’m ready now.”

“Are you?”

I nodded in response.

“So Ana, is there anything you want to tell me? The ball is in your court today. I won’t push you.”

“Thank you,” I muttered.

“Very well.”

“So, the thing is…” I closed my eyes shut. It’s so hard trying to tell someone out loud. “The thing is, something happened to me a long time ago. People thought I was dead, my husband included.”

Catherine nodded, not pushing me.

“So, he was desperate to avenge my death. He went around bringing people down. So we sort of met again years later, but I had sort of changed. I had no idea who I was because I sort of had a new identity, and he didn’t know it was me. Everybody believed I was a doppelgänger. So, I sort of got manipulated, and with some convincing evidence, he was made to believe me—as the doppelgänger—was involved in my assumed death. My husband was desperate to avenge me, so he sent the doppelgänger away to be tortured for killing his wife, even though the whole time, the wife was the one being tortured. And then the whole thing blew up. I got my memory back, we found out what happened to me… and he sort of regrets his actions and…”

I trailed off, not even knowing if I was making any sense. “And he sort of wants my forgiveness, but I don’t… I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if he deserves it. My story might sound crazy, doc, but it’s really what happened.”

Catherine shook her head. “There’s nothing like crazy in here, Ana. I'm really glad you’re finally opening up to me.”

I didn’t say anything.

“So Ana, you want to know if he deserves your forgiveness. You're trying to figure out if he is truly guilty for what happened to you?”

I nodded eagerly. “Yes, doc.”

“Maybe guilt isn't the right word for a man who was fighting for your ghost,” she said, trailing off.

I scoffed. “I’m sure my parents didn’t pay you a huge amount of money so I could hear maybe,” I said, annoyed. I fucking hate maybe.

She smiled, not even taking offense at my lash-out.

“Since you want a direct perspective from me, let's look at the facts of your own story. Your husband was avenging you, and he had no idea he was punishing you as well. Let’s put it this way: if the doppelgänger were someone else, and she indeed was involved, you wouldn’t hate him for his actions, right? But you happened to be the same person in this situation. He had no idea, Ana. Biologically, your brain knows he didn't intend to hurt you, but your trauma is struggling to separate the two. You should find a way to forgive him for your own peace, but of course, I know it’s not easy. And I’ll advise you to do what’s best for you.”

I closed my eyes, inhaling a huge amount of air. Everything she said wasn’t new. A part of me was just not ready to accept it.

“He hurts me, Doc.” My voice came out broken.

“I know, Ana. Can you tell me what kind of man your husband is?”

My husband is many things. I could talk about him all day.

I looked up, scanning the space, a smile tugging at my lips. “My husband is the kind of man who could barge into your office the moment I leave and force all the information about this session out of your mouth…. Probably with knives.”

She looked at me. Once. Twice.

“You’re smiling, Ana. I guess you still love him, if I’m right?”

Well, I can’t help my feelings.

“I do. I really do. I just wish he was different. More like a normal, cute guy.”

“I doubt that,” Catherine countered softly. “I have a feeling you’re a masochist to his narcissism. You welcome his being. His darkness. Everything.”

Why do I suddenly feel so exposed?

“Do you think I should stay away from him for my own good?” I asked, twisting my fingers in my lap.

“You need him, Ana. If anyone is going to help you get yourself back, I think it’s him. But he needs to work on himself for you. His darkness is not what you need right now. You need his vulnerability.”

I didn’t say anything. I know Alexander is more than the darkness, and he’s capable of being vulnerable. I’ve seen it. Especially when I was Rory. Those silent, loving moments we shared together before everything got ruined.

“One more thing, doc…”

“I’m here for you, Ana,” she assured.

“I’ve been… I’ve been… I find it difficult to be intimate with him again. When I was with the new identity I got, some things happened to me, that sort of broke me..” I couldn’t bring myself to say the word rape in front of her.

“Are you not attracted to him physically anymore?”

I let out a laugh. That’s wild because I don’t think there’s a day I’ll never be attracted to him. I mean… have you seen his body? Alexander has the build of a god. It’s not like I fell in love with just his body—don’t judge me—he’s just insanely attractive.

“I am very attracted to him. It’s so hard being in the same space with him, but what happened to me traumatized me.”

“It’s obvious you’re not telling me everything that happened, and it’s okay. What you’ve said so far is more than enough. I don’t really know what’s happening in your sex life, but I’d like to know, how do you two do it? In what manner do you two have sex… maybe the last time you tried it?”

So fucking awkward and embarrassed talking about my sex life.

“We tried doing it from the back because I couldn’t do anything too intimate. And at the end of the day, I chickened out before he could even touch me. I couldn’t let him take control.”

She nodded, understandably.

“How about next time when you two try to have sex, you switch roles?”

“What?” I asked, surprised.

“I’m saying you be the dominant one. You can take the lead. That way, you’d be the one in control. You can be the one to stop it…”

Right now, my ears and cheeks are flushed red. The thought of being in control of Alexander was making me hot. And I don’t think it could be possible. Alexander liked his control. He loved being in power. And I don’t think he’ll ever want to have sex with me again after I scared him off this evening. I was so embarrassed I came running to my therapist right away.

“I’m not sure he still wants me, doc…” I said truthfully.

“A man like your husband doesn’t seem like the type to run away after one meltdown.”

If she says so.

“But remember, you need to have some time alone to prepare and think for yourself if you’re going to decide what to do.”

“I know, doc. Thank you so much.”


Author's note: Anastasia needed that!
Huge thank you to everyone reading, this Author loves you all ❤️