Chapter 89 What is wrong with me?
Lia
Two weeks now I’ve been living in this place. Owen and I have a joke name for it, Club Chaos. We still laugh when we say it, just between us. Today, Beast and Hex and most of the others were off at their regular jobs. I finally had the day to myself in the new studio. I still can’t believe they built it for me so fast. In one week. Four walls, three windows, air conditioning, perfect light. There’s even a little bathroom. Beast put up special mounts for my biggest canvases. Yesterday, I finished and dropped off the painting of Mrs. Simpson’s yorkie. Catalina and Jenna already want family portraits. I told them I’m ready whenever.
Today was for my own project. A thank you. For taking Owen and me in, for protecting me, for just… being good to us. All those motorcycle club books I read were full of fighting and trouble. I know they’re just stories, but I guess they shaped what I expected. Beast has been straight with me. They’re not good men, he says, but they have lines they won’t cross. No women, no kids. It took me a few days to really get it, the guns, the drugs. Finding out Catalina and Jenna help with… removing problems… that shocked me. Beast said he doesn’t usually share that, but he couldn’t lie to me. He made me promise to keep quiet. Obviously. I would never betray them. They feel like family now.
But sometimes I wonder. When the trouble with Liam is finished, will they still want me around? Will Beast? He says I’m his Old Lady, that it’s like being married. But he only said that to keep me safe. He doesn’t love me. It hasn’t been long, but I know my own heart. I’ve gone and fallen in love with him. I’m not stupid enough to say it out loud.
I walked into the studio, a separate building behind the clubhouse, and took a long breath in, then let it out slow. The canvas waiting for me was massive. Three feet by five. It needed to be. I put my phone in the dock Beast set up, connected the speakers.
The first deep notes of ‘Cravin’ filled the room. I let my hips move to it, like I was starting a dance. The song is pure sex, one of my favorites. I undid my overalls and let them fall. Paint ruins clothes, so I work in an old bikini top and boy shorts, both permanently stained with color.
Hours later, every muscle in my shoulders and back was burning. Thank God I’m strong. I couldn’t have done this otherwise. I stepped back, looking at the final streak of red I’d just placed. A knock at the door made me jump. I dropped my brush in the water jar, careful to keep the metal part dry.
I opened the door to Owen and smiled wide.
“Hey, Sugar. Oh, wow, Lia. That’s… amazing.”
“Do you think they’ll like it? It’s only the first part of what I planned. Thank God I use acrylics. Oils would still be wet. I still need to seal it. But I have to stop. I’m so hungry.”
“First, they’re gonna fucking love it. Second, that’s why I’m here. You said you’d be here at nine. It’s dinner time.”
“Oh. I didn’t realize. No wonder I’m starving. I missed lunch.”
“Bet you haven’t had a thing to drink either. Am I right?”
I looked down at myself, covered in black, white, and red paint.
“You’re right. I got lost in it.”
After cleaning up and changing back into my overalls, I had Owen help me drape a sheet over the painting.
Outside, the night air felt good on my skin, but my head went fuzzy for a second and I wobbled.
“Whoa, Sugar. You okay?” Owen’s hands came up to hold my shoulders.
“Yeah. Just been inside too long. Are the guys back?”
“Not yet. I’ve got to work the club tonight. Willy booked Misfit and the other queens for a tour next week. We have to promote. I haven’t told Hex.”
“Well, he might be upset. Tell him after you’ve given him a blow job, when he’s all relaxed. Make sure it’s a really good one.”
“Girl, you are brilliant. I’ll do that. Look at you, giving me nasty advice. I’m so proud.”
“Yes, well, living with a bunch of bikers and club girls has improved my vocabulary. I even told Beast to ‘fuck me hard’ last night,” I whispered, looking around as I opened the clubhouse back door.
Owen threw his head back and laughed loud.
“Honey, you don’t need to whisper. We’re alone right now. Everyone else is working or in the common room. And I am proud of you for saying fuck. You want to go out or cook something?”
“I’ll cook. How many are in the common room?”
Owen peeked through the kitchen door, then looked back at me.
“About thirty.”
“Okay. Help me clear off this island. I’ll see what we have. Jenna said she used to cook for everyone before Narissa. I wonder why they never got a new cook,” I said.
“That’s ’cause we make the prospects take turns,” Butcher said, walking in. “It’s a weekly dinner. Tonight was supposed to be Jake and Taylor grilling.”
“Oh. Well, no need. I can do it. We have everything for nachos. Is that okay, Butcher?” I asked.
“No problem, darlin’. Do what you want. What do you need?”
“Owen has work in three hours. Can he grill the steaks? I see eight thawed right here.”
“Go ahead. I’m just gonna sit at the corner table. Been doing finances with Clown all day. My brain is cooked.”
I laughed and made him a coffee. Then I cut up some cantaloupe and melon and put the bowl and mug in front of him.
“To keep you going until dinner,” I said, feeling a little shy. I wanted to do something nice for him, like I used to for my dad. I see Butcher that way sometimes, but I’d never say it. I don’t want to hear no.
“Thank you, sweetheart.”
I let the steaks sit with some spices from the cupboard, then sent Owen out to grill.
I chopped onions, tomatoes, jalapenos. Opened cans of black olives. Grated cheddar, monterey jack, pepper jack. Got out salsa and sour cream.
I covered the whole kitchen island with foil. Butcher watched me with a curious look, and I just smiled. I emptied bags of tortilla chips over the foil. Owen brought in the steaks, and I sliced them thin, scattering the pieces over the chips. Then came all the toppings, with big spoons of salsa and sour cream in the right spots. I made guacamole and piled it in the center, with extra of everything on the side.
The smell brought people in. There were cheers. I put out plastic tongs and paper plates. Beast came through the crowd as people were sitting down with their food. He came right to me, his eyes bright and warm.
“Hi, Sunshine,” he said, wrapping me up in his arms and kissing me deep, like he meant it.
“Hi,” I got out when he let me breathe.
“I see you painted today,” he said, winding a piece of my hair around his finger. He brought it to my face, and I saw the black and red paint in it. I started laughing, and he smiled.
“Yeah. Owen and I made dinner. Get some before it’s gone.”
We both filled plates. He sat on a bench at one of the long tables, pulled me down onto his lap.
“You’ll eat right here. Missed you all day. Couldn’t get you off my mind.”
I smiled at that. No one has ever said anything like that to me.
“Beast, can I ask you something?”
“Anything, baby. What is it?”
“Owen is going on tour next week. I sometimes go with him. Well, I went once. I was wondering if I could go to his shows? I take pictures for Willy’s website. All the shows are in the city. I promise I’ll check in all the time.” I was talking too fast, my breath coming short, and I could feel my body beginning to shake.
“Hey, Sunshine, slow down. What’s wrong? Why are you getting so upset?” he asked, rubbing my back and holding me close. People around us stopped talking to look. I felt so embarrassed, making a spectacle.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the scene. I’ll calm down, I promise. I don’t want to embarrass you,” I whispered, my eyes filling up.
Beast stood up fast, lifting me in his arms. He carried me through the kitchen and out the back door. He sat on a picnic table, keeping me cradled against him.
“Look at me, Angel. I am not embarrassed. Not at all. I just need to know why you’re so upset. Did I do something?” He asked, his forehead creased with concern.
I shook my head no, but then the tears came anyway, because now I was worrying him. What is wrong with me?