Chapter 37 Now he sees the monster I really am
Catalina
We were all together in the main room. Torque, Butcher, and Viper were playing pool. Beast, Doc, and Rockstar were taking turns on the pinball machines. A bunch of the guys had a basketball game on the television. Jenna, me, and a few other Old Ladies were packing up crafts for the trip to Daytona.
Then there were the club girls. They never seemed to learn. I watched as one of them, Felicity, went right up to a brother named Blackbeard. He had this long black beard that went all the way down to his stomach. His bald head was shining under the lights. He was tall, maybe six-three, with a good build. He was not huge like Viper or a giant like Torque; he was more lean and strong, like someone who swam a lot. He was with Molly, his Old Lady. She told me they have been together for five years. She loves to talk about their incredible sex life. Apparently, Blackbeard is into tying her up and making her come over and over before he finishes. She once told me about a time he had her hands tied to a wooden cross in his basement. He had her ankles bound to the sides, too. He put something in her mouth to keep her quiet and then made her come again and again, using a vibrator and his tongue. She said she lost count around fifteen times before he finally took her, and she blacked out from one more.
Even thinking about it made me ache for her; she must have been sore for a week. Do not get me wrong, I love a good orgasm as much as anyone, but being made to do that… I am not sure it is for me. Still, I am not one to judge what other people like.
This club girl, Felicity, walked right up and wrapped herself around Blackbeard’s arm. I tipped my head in their direction, and Molly followed my look over to her man.
“Oh, hell no,” she shouted. Then she rushed over, grabbed the girl by the hair, and yanked her off of Blackbeard. He just laughed, a big roaring sound, then grabbed Molly and lifted her up, kissing her hard. The rest of us cheered and whistled. The club girl got up off her sorry ass and stomped out of the building.
“Breaking news out of Branford, Connecticut,” a reporter said, her voice too excited for the words. The basketball game was cut off.
“A woman in police custody was found murdered in her jail cell. The body was discovered this morning when an officer brought her breakfast. This station has a source who says people were getting sick at the scene. The whole area was compromised by three different officers. We do not have the details on what caused such a mess, but…”
At the word ‘mess’, Viper looked straight at me. I stared back, raising one eyebrow. He pointed at me, and I nodded. Then he pointed toward the hallway. I knew he wanted to talk in our room. I got up from where I was sitting. I heard his boots on the floor behind me. I heard Torque call for Jenna just as Viper closed our bedroom door.
“What did you do?” he asked me, his voice low. He stood facing me, his huge arms folded over his chest. He did not have a shirt on, just his cut. He wore black jeans with a wide black belt, the thick silver buckle stamped with the letters ‘LOC’. His heavy boots were on his feet. He looked so fucking good it made my head spin, and I could feel myself getting wet just looking at him. But I knew I had to let him make the first move. I could not push him, no matter how badly I wanted to climb all over him.
“I got justice for you. I did not want to take a chance. What if she found some brilliant lawyer who got her off? What if her sentence was reduced? I was not willing to trust the system to work for us, for you. And the truth is, I needed to hurt her. She hurt you. She took something that was not hers to take. I am sorry if you do not agree, but I had to do this.”
He just stared. I could not tell what he was thinking. I began to shake, my nerves taking over. He took two slow steps and stopped right in front of me.
“What if I wanted to face her myself?”
“I… I am sorry. I did not think you would want that.”
“So you decided all on your own to punish her for something she did not even do to you?”
I swallowed hard. He was really angry. How was I supposed to make him understand that I needed to do this, for him and for me?
“Do you remember how angry you were when Jake raped me? You wanted to go after him. You wanted to protect me. This was me protecting you from her.”
“Yeah, but you did not let me do that, did you? Your father handled it for you.”
My throat closed up. “Viper, please do not be angry with me. I needed to erase her from this world.”
“What did you do?” he asked, the words grinding out from between his teeth.
Tears spilled from my eyes.
“I got into her cell. I cut her vocal cords first. I tied her to the bed after I cut her clothes away. Then I stabbed her in the stomach. I opened her up from her rotten cunt all the way to the hollow of her throat.”
He was breathing hard. I was starting to lose my breath, too.
“Viper?”
Suddenly, he turned around, opened the door, and walked out. He slammed it shut behind him. I fell to the floor and screamed. I screamed until my throat was raw. What had I done? I did not think he would react like this. Of course he would want closure. Why did I not consider that? It felt like my own life had just ended. I could not stop crying. I held my stomach, my forehead pressed against the cool floor.
Strong arms came around me. For one second, I thought it was Viper coming back. But it was not. It was Beast. He picked me up and sat on the bed, holding me while I cried into his chest. I felt the bed move as Jenna sat down. She started rubbing my back.
“What happened?” she asked.
“He is so angry with me. I should not have killed her. I think I stole his chance for closure. He has never looked at me with that much anger before.”
“He does not hate you, Cata,” Beast said. “He is still angry about what was done to him. I promise you, he is not mad at you. He is mad at the situation. She tried to break him. Men and women… we deal with things like that in different ways. He just needs more time.”
I nodded. I looked over at Jenna, and she nodded back. She knew what I needed to do. I was going to give Viper his space. Me being here was not helping him. I was just a reminder of his attack now. I did not give him what he needed to heal; I made it worse. I got off of Beast’s lap. He left when I asked him to. Jenna got out my duffel bag and started putting clothes and my knives inside.
“How long will you be gone? Do you want me to come with you? You are not going to do anything stupid, are you?” The questions came one after another.
“I need you to stay here. Watch over him for me. I am going to find my father. He has not answered my texts. I do not know how long I will be gone. He does not need me around right now. Maybe this is the end for us.”
“Catalina, you are his Old Lady. That is for life.”
“Well, maybe it is not a lifetime thing for us. Maybe we rushed into this. Do not pack my vest. Just leave it hanging.”
The terrible thoughts would not stop. They filled my head and my heart.
“Catalina, you cannot believe that. You two are in love.”
“‘I’ am in love. I think he was just attracted to me. Now he sees the monster I really am.”
“Celeste!” Jenna scolded me.
I reacted to my real name. Now I had upset her, too. I was on a roll. I walked over and hugged her tight.
“I love you. You stay safe. Have that baby with Torque. Live that mother life I know you want.”
“You are talking like you are not coming back,” she said. Tears were running down her face.
I just gave her a smile. I picked up my duffel, turned, and walked out of the bedroom. I moved through the main room.
“Catalina, where are you going?” Butcher called out.
I looked at all of them, this family I wished could be mine forever.
“I have some things to take care of. I need to find my dad.” He nodded. I looked at Beast, who was watching me closely. I blew him a kiss and gave him my best smile. Then I walked out of the clubhouse. I thought about taking one of the SUVs, but I knew they had trackers. So I just started walking. I waved to the two prospects as I passed them. They waved back, giving me and my bag a strange look.
Tears kept falling. I did not know how to fix this. I was not even sure Viper wanted to be with me after what I did. I took his closure away. I walked into a store that sold phones. I needed a new one; I had left mine behind. I needed Jenna and my father to be able to reach me. After buying the phone, I sent a text to my father and to Jenna in a new group, giving them the new number. I told both of them I needed some time alone. Then I sent a separate message to my father, telling him to contact me as soon as he could so I would know he was all right. I got a thumbs-up emoji back immediately. Then he wrote: (Ti amo, mia bellissima figlia.) I love you, my beautiful daughter.