I Need Him
The clouds have gathered hiding the brightness of the sun behind their backs. The sky mourns, rain waiting to be let free. The harsh wind rattles the windows pushing the trees to dance to its song. It isn't a day that encourages me to birth rather run and hide.
My eyes heavy with sleep unable to open wide I shift in the darkness moaning with uncomfortableness and pain. My belly big enough for my pup to rip through my flesh. Palm out tapping the mattress sliding back and forth over the softness searching for my male only to be met with cold sheets.
Frowning I peep at the clock. Early morning? Where has he gone so early? With a heavy sigh willing myself that I can do this I prepare myself for my morning rituals. Breathing has become quite harder for me. A feeling that something is lodged between the bones of my ribcage unable to accommodate my beating heart.
Deep slow painful contractions have been taking a hold of me for the past few days. It comes and goes as if I were in heat. During those days I tended to take warm showers or go for a walk on the open fields doing my best to breathe through my contractions.
Taking small steps keeping my pace slow my palm resting upon the white walls I head to the bathroom ready to empty my overflowing uterus. The amount of times I urinate in a day is quite surprising to say.
Deimos has been leaving our bed early these days. He is up before the sun rises. I do not understand what is so important that he cannot spend even a few hours in bed until I awaken. What has he been up to lately? He seems to be in his world often in drowning thoughts where I must call him several times to gain his attention.
Perhaps work has been consuming him too much making him unstable to even take a breather. I have been taking care of myself these mornings with my male being extremely busy, I tend to myself. I understand that the duties of being in a high position of authority beckon him and I am not weak to often seek someone's aid.
With a heavy push gathering up all my energy I stand up flushing the toilet whilst taking deep breaths. It has been exactly nine months and the time has arrived for my birth. The healer confirmed it would be one of the following days.
At first, my heart pounded with excitement and happiness but now I am more fearful of what is to come. I had heard of the pain one possesses when you deliver, your vaginal hole tears open on both sides to accommodate the head of the baby and several other complications and mishaps could happen.
I talked about my fears to the older females of the pack but they were quick to ease them saying yes the pain is horrible but what comes after cannot be described or put into words. They did not go in-depth in terms of the entire process for I did not need them to. I had helped birth several pups of my females and I know how it works.
But being a new mother and experiencing it for yourself is quite different. However the fact that my male would be there holding my hand the entire time gives me all the strength and encouragement I need.
Stepping into the warm bath immerging my body into the depths of the tub has me sighing with happiness. The water wraps itself around me relaxing the sore muscles of my flesh. I am in paradise. Taking a soft sponge I scrub my body off the dirt that hangs to my skin.
Cupping some water into my hands I pour it gently over my swollen belly letting it slide down my flesh. My pup likes this for the first time I had done this I had been gifted with a slight kick. Leaning my head back calming myself I close my eyes the steam soothing my skin.
I stay still until the steam dies, bubbles burst and the water grows colder. I kind of like these quiet mornings, a day to myself for once I birth my pup I must return to my everyday duties as Luna and I would have no days as such. I guess I got used to being spoilt.
As I wrap the towel around my body, the bedroom door opens and a soft smile is quick to come to my face. "Lumina?" He questions. His voice is concerned, he finds it alarming when he walks in and I am nowhere to be found.
"In here." I say my voice booming through the walls, a direct path to him. He walks towards the bathroom peeping in searching for me.
A comb in my hand I brush through the knots that seem to be never-ending. "Looks like my female is up early." He whispers picking up my dirty clothes putting them into the laundry basket.
"I cannot sleep well these days. I have to be prepared for our pup can choose to say hello any moment." I chuckle struggling to untangle my hair. With a sigh, he takes hold of the comb from the bounds of my hands.
"Don't be so tough with your hair, Lumina. Be gentle." He whispers his fingertips sliding down the strands of my hair killing the knots with the movement. He knows his way with all sorts of things, his mother taught him quite well.
"Where did you go today, again? I looked for you. I hate getting up without you by my side. You know this." I whisper watching him through the mirror.
His jaw clenches the grip on the brush grows harder as if he is having a struggling war within himself. "Look at me." I demand my tone gentle persuading him to pay heed to my wish.
His eyes slowly move from my hair to meet mine in the mirror. His emeralds seem to be dying with stress the light no longer available to shine. I know this look. Frowning I shift my body turning around swiftly to face him.
"You are carrying a burden. What is it?" I question peering into his soul searching for his truth.
"It is nothing, my female." He whispers. A smile tries to spark on his face but it seems to me he has no energy to do so. His chest expands as he inhales almost as if it is painful for him to breathe.
"You can tell me, Deimos." My palms reach up to cup his face gently.
"Perhaps when the time is right." He utters. His emeralds peer down at me with a softness and I cannot help but take consideration of his words for he never hides anything from me. He always speaks the truth and tells me what is needed.
"All right. I will wait for you." I give him a curt nod of understanding and am greeted by a soft affectionate kiss to my right cheek.
Breakfast is consumed with a super speed my hunger surging to new heights. The healer told me to eat as much as possible to gain strength to deliver our pup. My eyes gaze upon the two empty seats in front of us.
Phobos and Theia had left hurriedly a few days ago as the weather gave way for travel. We said our final goodbyes at the gate whilst Theia left with a lingering glance at me. I felt as though she wished for my help however chose not to ask it.
I wince due to the sudden cramp at my lower stomach which immediately gets his attention. "What is it? Are you in pain?" He questions.
"The cramps are getting frequent. I think I will deliver our pup this weekend." I whisper wiping my mouth with the napkin. A smile lights up my face as my finger pokes into the side of my stomach wishing to wake up the little one who is so very eager to come out.
Deimos does not reply as he continues munching on his meal. At times there is this tension that rumbles under the surface between us. It has been happening a lot these days. However, I choose to ignore it for I know he is merely anxious about being a father.
The uncomfortableness of the cramps turns into sudden pain as time passes. With each hour there is a significant change in what I feel. Deimos has been away for the entire day since breakfast stuck within the bounds of his office with Ragon by his side. I have no idea what is going on but he isn't here when I need him to be.
"Alpha?" Elriam's concerned voice breaks through my thoughts. "Are you feeling all right?" She questions.
I breathe heavy but shaky. We are sitting near the table making crafts with the pups for them to play with but I cannot seem to even cut a piece of paper properly. I clench my eyes shut allowing the wave of throbbing pain to pass.
Taking a deep breath I meet her eyes. "The pup is not due until the end of this week which is six days from now. I don't understand." I whisper to myself.
"Alpha?" Elriam questions again her palm coming to rest on top of mine.
"I am all right. Let's continue." I reply with a nod finishing up with the crafts. Once we were done the pups lined up to receive it from us and ran out to play with them.
We spent many nights creating these to supply their demand. It was a custom to do this every new year in my pack and Deimos's wolves were quite surprised and eager to be a part of it as we did it for the first time.
"Which one would you like?" I ask the small pup who peers at all the colorful kites.
"The yellow one." He whispers wiping his snot with the back of his sleeve.
"Yellow it is." I nod with a smile reaching for the yellow kite hiding behind the others. The further I reach the more my uterus aches the intensity rising with speed.
I groan heavily hunching down unable to take in the sudden infliction upon my body. Peering down my eyes find a trail of pale fluid running down my thigh making a small pool upon the ground. "Elriam help him with his kite. I need to use the washroom." I walk as quickly as possible to the toilet.
Quickly shutting the door, lifting my dress squatting over the toilet seat has a heavy gut-wrenching moan strike through my lips. In a matter of seconds, a gush of water escapes my core. My heart pounds with anxiety.
The healer had told me to find her quickly if a case such as this happened. But all I can think is I need to find my male first. I need to inform him of this news. Our pup has chosen to arrive early as I thought so.
I begin to sweat my body feels heavier and the room spins. A sudden change of emotions and physical being has me overwhelmed. I don't know if I must celebrate or cry. Deimos. Deimos. His name is all I can think of. I need him.
Accepting my need my feet take me to where he is holed up in. The only barrier between us seems to be the stairs and the hallway leading to his office. My energy is quickly drained. Droplets of blood paint the floor and I drown with distress.
I need him.