Chapter 39 THE THINGS WE DON'T MEAN TO SAY
Kael rose slowly from his kneeling position, the ring still pinched between his fingers, his movements careful… almost fragile. His eyes searched Adam’s face like he was trying to read what went wrong, what he missed, what part of Adam he failed to understand.
“Why?” he asked quietly, voice thick.
Adam felt his stomach twist. He’d expected anger, maybe disappointment, but not the raw vulnerability in Kael’s voice. Not the way he sounded like he was already hurting and about to cry.
Kael took a small step forward. “Adam, I… I’d be good to you. I promise. I’m not trying to trap you, or chain you, or force anything. I just—” He swallowed, hard. “I want things to be easier for us. For you. For me. For the pack.”
Adam shook his head sharply. “You don’t get it—”
“I do,” Kael interrupted too quickly, desperation leaking into his tone. “I swear I do. I know you’re scared and overwhelmed, but marriage wouldn't be another burden. I’d make sure of it—”
“That’s not the point!” Adam snapped.
Birds scattered from the cherry blossoms at the sudden sharpness in his voice.
Kael exhaled and tried again, gentler this time. “Adam… please. Help me understand.”
But Adam was already spiraling, the pressure clawing at his chest. “Everything is a mess, Kael! I’m barely holding myself together. Your pack is in danger because of me. I can’t sleep. I can’t think straight. I don’t even recognize myself anymore—”
Kael took another hopeful step forward. “That’s why I want to help—”
“Stop!” Adam’s voice cracked. “Just stop!”
The force of the words hit Kael like a physical blow. He fell silent instantly, jaw tightening, breath shaking as he steadied himself.
He inhaled deeply, exhaled slowly, then stepped toward Adam again with deliberate calm.
But Adam stepped back.
Another step from Kael.
Another retreat from Adam.
Until Adam’s heel hit a loose rock.
His foot slipped.
He pitched backward with a startled gasp,
Kael lunged, catching him in a tight, secure grip just before he hit the ground.
Adam barely had time to breathe before a sudden burning ignited under his skin.
Glowing marks burst across his arms, his collarbones, spreading fast like roots of wildfire reaching for his throat. They pulsed a little bright, and somewhat painful.
Adam winced and choked out a breath. “Not again—ah—Kael—”
Kael’s eyes widened as the glowing lines crept up Adam’s neck, edging toward his jaw and cheek. “Adam…” His voice was stunned, helpless. “I—I don’t know—”
Adam’s voice came out strained and small. “You see? Nothing is normal or okay about any of this. And you want me to get married on top of it? Add another problem to everything? I'm not looking to add another problem to existing problems, and suddenly getting married could really be another problem.”
Kael looked gutted.
He didn’t argue. He didn’t defend himself. He simply gathered Adam carefully into his arms and stood, lifting him as if Adam weighed nothing at all.
“Come here,” he whispered, steady and protective despite the chaos in his eyes.
Adam didn’t fight it.
He couldn’t. His skin hurt too much. His heart even more.
Kael carried him back through the forest, slow and careful, the morning wind rustling the leaves overhead. The cherry blossoms faded behind them until the clearing disappeared entirely.
At the car, Kael opened the passenger door with one hand, still holding Adam with the other. He placed him gently in the seat, adjusting the belt around him, brushing Adam’s hair out of his face with a tenderness that almost made Adam cry again.
Kael walked around to the driver’s side, slid in, and turned the engine on.
Adam’s voice trembled as he whispered, “Can… can you take me somewhere else? Just for today. I don’t want to go back to the pack house right now.”
Kael’s grip on the steering wheel tightened for a second before he answered, quiet but certain. “Okay.”
He didn’t ask where. He didn’t hesitate.
He just drove.
An hour later, the forest deepened, the road narrowed, and Kael pulled into the clearing where his secluded cabin sat surrounded by towering pines. The place he’d once brought Adam to rest and recover from mate seeking fever.
He helped Adam out of the car and guided him inside.
The warmth of the cabin wrapped around them immediately… soft blankets, dim lantern light, the faint scent of herbs and pinewood from when Kael visited last.
Adam sank onto the couch, exhausted.
Kael sat beside him but kept a careful distance, hands clasped tightly between his knees as if he was afraid to touch Adam without permission.
After a long silence, Kael finally spoke.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “For the proposal.”
Adam looked up.
Kael’s expression was gentle, cautious, and painfully sincere. “I never meant to overwhelm you or make things worse. I only thought… if I could take some weight off you, maybe everything wouldn’t feel so impossible. I hope you don’t…” His voice faltered. “I hope you don’t hold it against me.”
Adam’s chest tightened.
He stood, stepped forward, and wrapped his arms around Kael’s shoulders in a sudden, almost desperate hug.
Kael froze for half a second… then melted into the embrace, arms circling Adam’s waist and pulling him close. He held him tightly, face buried in Adam’s neck, breathing him in like Adam was the only air he needed.
Neither of them spoke.
The world outside fell quiet.
But Adam’s marks flared again, heat blooming under the skin of his arms and back like someone pressed burning palms against him from the inside.
Kael jerked back, worried. “Your marks… they’re getting brighter. Adam, I should call a physician, someone familiar with emerging—”
“No!” Adam grabbed his wrist with sudden force. “I don’t want anyone else to see them.”
Kael paused, torn between fear and obedience.
Adam’s eyes were glassy, hurt, and pleading. “Please… don’t bring anyone here. At least not yet. The marks won't kill me.”
Kael swallowed hard, his thumb brushing Adam’s cheek. “Alright.” His voice softened. “I hear you.”
“No physicians,” Adam whispered.
“No physicians,” Kael echoed, sealing it like a promise.
He stayed right beside Adam as the heat slowly ebbed, rubbing circles on his back, grounding him.
Neither of them knew what the marks meant.
Neither of them knew what was coming next.
Neither of them knew how long the calm would last.
And Kael really wants to get it checked so they'd understand what is causing it and possibly what to do about it, but Adam doesn't want to expose himself to anyone else; physician or not.