Chapter Thirty-Eight

Reed has been silent and withdrawn. I don't know what to think of his change in attitude. I shouldn't care, but at the same thing I am worried about him. He's depressed and it's sending ripples through the entire pack. They don't work cheerfully anymore. They look sullen and are always gathered in corners and whispering to each other. I don't like that.

He never leaves his office anymore. He has all three meals in there, and when I press my ear to the door I hear him pacing. It makes me bite my nails with anxiety.

"Stop this," I tell him. "This isn't you. You need to toughen up and lead this pack. Those wolves out there need you."

He presses his fingertips together. "So now you want to tell me how to run my own pack."

"I'm trying to help you." I huff with indignation.

"Help me by not causing trouble, alright?" There's that phrase again. Causing trouble. His uncle/not his uncle told me the exact same thing. So did his brother, once upon a time ago. He looks up sharply and shakes his head.

"This is exactly what I mean." He points at the door. "Leave, Bea. I have important things to resolve and you keep distracting me with your faux concern. Thank you very much, but I can take care of myself."

They all turn to me for everything. I have to decide what we'll have for breakfast, lunch and dessert. Entrée, main course and dessert. I didn't think being Luna came with so much responsibility. If the Alpha is unwell, the Luna has to step in.

So because of this, I've gotten to know more people. There's Desmond, who runs all kind of errands, Danny who is the head chef, Malta who deals with the clothes and so forth. I have to interact with them on a daily basis.

A group of males approach me one day and inform me that the food supplies are dwindling. I go to Raphas and tell him this.

"Send them to me, I'll take care of this."

I cross my arms over my chest. "Where do you get your supplies?"

He looks at me like I'm stupid. "From the human world, where else would I get them?"

"But that costs money, and a lot of it," I raise a brow. "No one around here works. So where do you get the money?"

His left eye twitches. "We'll discuss this another day. Just send Parker in with the others, got it?"

It's something illicit, I know it now. I felt it in his bones. I think of Parker and the others raiding houses in the middle of the night for all these supplies and it sickens me. It isn't just the food, there's the designer clothes, too, and every luxurious ornament around the house. There are beautiful, famous paintings and artwork here. All of this costs money. I need to ask him again about this and make him explain. Am I not the Luna? Don't I have the right to know?

I make a turn by Sylvia's room and I ask her for one of her calming teas. I've been doing this for the past couple of days. At first, she seemed hesitant about it, then she boiled me one of her strange herbs. I sat on her bed and drank it, and I explained everything that has been happening lately to her, just in case she hadn't heard. Maybe she could deal with him, since she raised him, but then I remember that he accused her of favoritism. He claimed she loved Raphas most. I leave this promptly out of our interactions. She doesn't have to know, just in case it isn't true.

Dealing with Reed always makes me jumpy. He's been so frustrating lately and it's eating at me. I don't know how to resolve this. I know what he wants, and I can't give it to him. Sure, I'm being more lenient and understanding, and I'm keeping my thoughts of Raphas to a minimum, but that isn't enough for him and I can't give him more than this. I can't abandon the thought of Raphas and love him unconditionally.

She opens the door and I greet her with a smile. She doesn't seem upset at my presence anymore and even though we sort of drifted apart, her dislike for me never returned. "I need one of your remedies, Sylvia. Your son won't stop giving me a hard time." I've noticed that she smiles whenever I call Reed her son, which invalidates what Reed told me a little bit. She clearly loves him, she even has an altar for him in one of her shelves. There's on for Raphas, too, but still. No one has an altar of me in their rooms. She prays to the Moon to keep them safe and sound, but she seems anguished after her prayers.

She boils the mixture for me and I drink it. It has a minty aftertaste which I love and I clasp her hands between mine. "Thank you, Sylvia. I can always count on you."

She send me on my way after drawing a small symbol over my skin and I leave her bedroom feeling calmer. And more tolerant.

I stop by the office to see Reed. He rolls his eyes at the sight of me. "You never leave me alone these days. One would assume that you're starting to miss me. Dare I say love me?"

"Cut the crap, Reed when do you plan on abandoning this and returning to your old self?"

"I don't recall becoming a new male."

I close my eyes. Sylvia's mixture is coursing through me and calming me, smoothing all my rough edges. I reopen them. "Can you stop being so selfish for one second and think about the pack instead? They need you down there, and I'm not a fit substitute."

"You should be. Lunas usually resolve most trivial things within a pack."

"You're calling me useless?"

"I'm calling you lazy. The burden is weighing your shoulders down, isn't it? Would you be more enthusiastic about this if I was Raphas?"

His accusation takes me off-guard. "That's a stupid question. This has nothing to do with who my mate is, and everything to do with the fact that I don't know a thing about being Luna. You were quick to bond with me, but not quick to teach me the duties of a Luna. How am I supposed to rule when I have no idea to? Maybe I would be a better Luna to Raphas, but only because he has patience and tenderness, something you'll never possess in a million years."

He clenches his jaw. "When will you stop comparing me to my brother, Bea?"

"You're the one who keeps bringing him up."

He sits back in his chair, fuming. "There's no going forward with you. Things never get better between us, only worse."

"I'm trying, Reed. I could be holed up in my room and sulking about how things didn't go my way, but I'm here trying. You've stopped trying overnight and you're blaming me for it."

He runs his hands through his hair. "That's because you can't give me what I want, Bea."

"And vice versa. I need time, Reed. More than anything I need time to put myself back together, and you can't give me that. You're always pushing and demanding and forcing me into things when my heart isn't in any of those things."

"So tell me then, Bea. What is it that you want?"

I pause. "We have to stop having sex."

He sits back, flabbergasted.

I continue. "We need to get to know each other better. Most importantly, we need to learn to trust each other and work as a team. We need to stop being on opposite sides."

"And how is not having sex going to help with that?"

"For starters, I won't have to fake an orgasm, which will help keep things honest between us."

He chuckles and pinches the bridge of his nose. "You are impossible, Bea."

"So are you, Reed. Promise me you'll think this over? That's all I need from you right now."

He looks at me with those eyes, eyes that are completely identical to his brother's. He lets his guard down, and his shoulder sags. "I promise."