CHAPTER 19: PUZZLEMENT

It’s been several days since Rev left. He has not come home even once. I thought it might be because of Auntie Eva. Maybe he was avoiding to upset her again to prevent her from coming here? But why wouldn’t he call me? Or send me message? I always call at their house and at his office, but he was always ‘occupied’. I asked him to return my call but none came.

After making those declarations in front of his mother saying that he loves me and would marry me, he will just go MIA on me? WHY?

But no matter how many times I asked myself that question, only Rev will be able to give me an answer. Did he mean every word he said? Or did he say all those things just to stop Auntie Eva? I really wanted to think the case was the former, but why isn’t he here right now? Why wouldn’t he talk to me?

I decided to clean the whole pad just to keep my mind off these thoughts. I saw Rev’s old things again, including his notebook with a lot of my doodles when we were in college.

I noticed that there is a folded paper inserted in it. The format is that of a letter. But I couldn’t understand the letters written there. Who is this letter for? Is this Greek alphabet? I don’t think so. Latin perhaps? Not likely.

Hmm.. This must be a code. I think it may be a love letter. Did someone send this to Rev? But it looks like Rev’s handwriting.

I think it will occupy my mind plenty, so I finished cleaning the house quickly and went straight to decoding the letter. “Yes!” I punched in the air when I finally cracked the code. I excitedly applied the code in the first word- the addressee.

“Rein,”

Wait, what-? This letter was intended for me?? Why the hell did he hide it from me?

My excitement grew. I wrote down the deciphered letter completely before I started reading it.

“You will always be an enigmatic beauty; an exquisite puzzle whose summation of interlocking pieces constantly stimulates the complex mechanisms and fueled machinations of my keen and sentient mind.”

“Your voice is a symphony of thoughts; every flowing tone, an orchestra; every soothing and relaxing rhythm a concerto. Your song, a mathematical equation etched with a hidden and distinct function; a derivative of your purest form; dividing the growing unease; subtracting the wrinkles from the multitude of creases; adding smiles and laughter to happy tears; multiplying the best of me while rooting out my fears.”

“Your every action is a symbolic dance, verse, inherent in every woman’s poetry; an iamb of your feminine grace; a haiku of your simplest ways. Every movement a graceful dance; an artistic interpretation of your silhouetted soul. Your every gesture and mannerism a subtle revelation of the silent language of your soul so fragile.”

“You captivate me with your childish exuberance. How my heart fills with constant glee, the way that you fill your cheeks with air and smile, and how your eyes sparkle with your inner light, your inner radiance.”

“Just the mere thought of it warms me, infuses me with boyish giddiness.”

“You will always be a wonder. The way you bite your ice cream and how you lick your lips makes my heart melt from within. How you noisily munch on our chips, sending edible debris at the four corners of who knows where. How the sound of it tickles my ears. Noisily, funnily, but cute.”

“You will always be an open-ended story. The way you quickly change your arguments, your perceptions and how you find ways to twist my own to favor yours, not knowing how willingly I give you the chances.”

“You will always be my mood swing. How you give the swing to my every mood. Where chaos is order, and order is total conundrum.”

“You will always be my pleasant surprise, the golden ray of light in my every morning sunrise; the sudden smile and cheerful glint in my ever misty eyes.”

“You will always be a mystery of secret places, uncharted parts.”

“You are the cipher, the key that had unlocked the center of my soft and solitary heart.”

With trembling hands, I covered my lips as tears raced down my face. No, Rev is not someone I can let go. I love him, and he loves me back! I will not leave him and I cannot hurt him again. I will beg his mother again and again. She can push me away, but I will always come back. I will fight for him.

My eyes hovered over the last line.

“I love you. I will love no one else other than you. Forever. Is it okay if I call you mine?”

-Rev

I stood up abruptly. I need to see him. I need to talk to him and tell him that I love him.

I love him.

I love him so much!

My heart is bursting with all these emotions. The fear I am feeling right now is not fear of getting hurt. It is the fear that I might be too late in telling him how I feel. I need to find him.

I hailed a taxi and headed for their house. The driver kept on throwing me glances because I kept on weeping as we travel.

I ran to the gate when I arrived, and pushed the buzzer with trembling hands. I pressed it again and again until I saw Lorraine coming out from the main door.

“Rein!” she was surprised to see me and opened the gate quickly. She looked at my face but did not make any comment.

“Thank you. Is Rev inside?”

“Yes, he’s in his room.”

I ran towards the house and almost flew upstairs.

I knocked on his door.

“Rev?”

I banged at his door but no one answers.

Until I heard that soft ‘click’.

I inhaled deeply and calmed myself. My heart is beating like crazy, and I feel nervous. But I need to keep it together so that I can confess properly. I am done running away. I have to face this right now.

I gently turned the knob and entered the dark room. It took my eyes a while to adjust to darkness.

And then I saw him, sitting on his bed with his back turned towards me.

“Rev..”

My voice quivered in an uncontrolled emotion. I don’t know how to start telling him.

“When I first saw you, all I thought was how beautiful you are,” I almost whispered. But I know he hears me because it was silent inside the room. “And then I got to know you better, and slowly, I saw how beautiful your heart is. And then without knowing it, I-I gave my heart to you.”

I faltered. He did not move nor look at me. He just kept his head down, his palms pressed on his face. Does he not care anymore? Did he not hear what I said? Or is he afraid to believe it?

“I love you Rev. I love you so much it’s overflowing from my heart. I feel like it will burst if I just keep it inside. I don’t want to lose you. I want to spend my life with you, to build family with you. To grow old with you. You love me, too, right? Rev please tell me if you love me too.”

He remained quiet but his shoulders shook so I continued.

“I know I tried running away from you. I looked for love everywhere else. I wanted to learn to love another guy, just so I could escape from this feelings. Because I thought you wouldn’t look my way. I thought you have your heart already filled with someone else.”

I stopped to catch my breath.

“Rev, I read your letter. You told me in that letter that you love me. You also told Auntie that you love me, remember? I was not mistaken, right? Please Rev, talk to me. I thought you said you’ll marry me. I want to marry you, too. I want to hug you and to love only you.”

My tears started trickling down again. Why wouldn’t he talk? Was I too late? Did his feelings change? What is happening with him?

“Speak up Rev. Please, I am begging you. If you don’t love me anymore, tell me. Tell me so that I can help you fall in love with me again. I will wait until you learned to love me again. Talk, Rev. Tell me you hear me. Tell me your heart hears me. Please..”

I dropped on the floor as my body rocked in uncontrolled emotions. But I felt someone held me by my arms.

“Stand up, Reina.”

“Auntie Eva, why? Why is he like this?”

“He already heard you. Leave him be for now.”

“No Auntie, I will stay here. I will wait for him to talk to me. If I did something wrong, if he is mad at me, I will make up for it. I will ask for forgiveness again and again.”

I choked on the flood of tears and emotion. I don’t care if I looked pathetic crying while slumped on the floor. I want to hear Rev’s voice.

“Reina, I already told you, he already heard you. Give him time to digest what you said. Please leave for now. Listen to me this time.” Auntie Eva’s voice was serious but there was not a trace of anger like before.

She called Lorraine and told her to send me back to the pad.

Lorraine helped me up and I felt powerless to fight. She brought me back to Rev’s pad.

When we came inside the room, we were surprised to see that there is a person waiting there.

“Who are you? How did you get inside?”

Her thin brow raised in a condescending manner and sized me up.

I returned the favor.

She’s tan.. And sexy. She’s agonizingly beautiful.

“I was able to come in because I have a key. And I’m Ashley. I will not beat around the bush, I want you to leave Rev’s pad.”

My eyes narrowed at her. I wanted to attack her this instant.

“You have no right to send me away from here. This is Rev’s place, not yours. I don’t even know who you are.”

I was dumbfounded at her next words.

“I’m pregnant, Rev and I are going to have a baby. And I want to move in with him.”

Lorraine promptly caught me when I swayed.

“Y-you’re lying. Rev does not have a girlfriend.”

“How would you know? Did he tell you that he doesn’t have a girlfriend?”

I was speechless. No he didn’t.

“I don’t believe you.. I won’t believe you! Get out! Get out of here!”

I dragged her to the door and almost pushed her out.

“I’m pregnant! If something happens to me and my baby, he will never forgive you!”

“I would not believe that is Rev’s baby until I heard it from him!”

She shrugged her shoulders.

“Suit yourself. But I’m advising you to leave soon, don’t wait for Rev to tell you himself. You’ll get hurt even more.”

I couldn’t retort. I tried to control my emotions even though I really feel like crying again.

“Lorraine, do you know that woman?”

She couldn’t answer right away. And I saw in her eyes that her answer will be painful.

“Lorraine please tell me the truth.”

She took a deep breath. “I’ve seen her several times in the house this past few days. I don’t know if she is really Rev’s girlfriend. Or if she is pregnant, for that matter.”

“Did he allow her inside his room?”

She hesitated but nodded slowly afterwards.

I buried my face in my hands as I try to take on the pain. It feels like I’ve been stabbed by millions of daggers.

“Rein, do you want me to stay with you for a while?” she asked while helping me to the bed.

I shook my head and curled into a ball.

“I want to be alone, Lorraine. Thank you.”

She nodded in understanding and stood up.

I closed my eyes tightly. When I heard the closing of the door, I let my whimper escape my lips. I hugged Rev’s pillow. I smelled his scent. The thought of those nights cuddling here with him suffocates me. I felt the emptiness. I kept on crying as if it was the end of the world.

Why? Why? Why?!

I couldn’t come up with any answer. I feel so tired and my throat felt parched with all the wailing. I cannot open my swollen eyes anymore.

Is it so wrong for me to be happy? Am I such a sinner that I do not deserve happiness? Is it such a sin to fall in love with your best friend? If so, this must be heaven’s punishment.