CHAPTER 20: ANSWERS

Here I am again, listening to sappy songs on the radio. Inside this hole called my apartment. I left Rev’s pad last week. We didn’t get to talk, because I couldn’t bear to hear confirmation from him. I thought it is unlikely that Rev will make me leave his place on his own. That is just not him. I decided to do it voluntarily.

He avoided me days before that. He wouldn’t talk to me even when I went to see him. Maybe that was the reason why. Maybe he wanted to start building a new life with his new family, but didn’t know how to tell me.

I should not have kept my hopes up. I wish I didn’t hear him tell his mother that he loves me and will marry me. I wish I didn’t read that damned letter.

Then it wouldn’t be this painful.

I was dressed to go out earlier because I was supposed to meet Noelle and the gang today. I agreed because I wanted to have something to do and I realized that the more I wallow in pain, the more it will get depressed. I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to lose the Reina that Rev loved before. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t love me anymore. I don’t care if he’s going to be a father to another woman’s baby soon. I need to choose to be happy in my own life separate from him.

But as I look through my clothes, I saw Rev’s undershirt which I took when I left. And so here I am, lying down again, wearing only that thin undershirt. Crying.

I brought with me not just his undershirt but also the boxer shorts he always let me use, the toothbrush he bought for me, his letter, his notebook with my doodles, our old pictures. Everything that Rev had for me, I brought when I left. I cannot accept it if that woman takes control over those things. I cannot accept that she will wipe all my traces in Rev’s life. Even if she was able to remove my trace in Rev’s heart.

I jumped out of bed when the door just suddenly slammed open.

“So this is where you’re caving in.” Rev’s voice was calm but his jaws are clenched.

“W-What are you doing here?”

I let my eyes roam on his tired face. He still looks handsome even though there are dark circles around his eyes. I wanted to run to him and hug him. I wanted to kiss him senseless. But I don’t have any right to do that when he’s having a baby with his girlfriend already.

“You keep on doing this again and again, Rein. After telling me that you love me, you disappear like that.”

“Rev, I just..” I sobbed. “I don’t know where to put myself. I just don’t want to get in between you and the woman you now love.”

“What do you even know about my feelings, Rein? You didn’t even care!”

“Rev, you’re going to have a baby! What would you have me do?!”

“So you left just like that? You didn’t even talk to me about it? Why are you so impulsive?!”

“What else should I wait for? Should I have waited for you to push me away? For you to tell me that you love her and you will live with here? Should I have waited for that like a fool?”

“You should have waited for me to fix everything! I was fixing it, Rein! I was finding a solution for my problems just so I can give you my name without any problem! So that when I bring you to the altar, there is no one who will come to ruin our wedding. I am trying to fix everything but here you are, at the first sign of trouble, you’d go packing! Why? Because you didn’t want to look like a fool?! So I should be the only one who will look like a fool chasing after you every time. The one who will keep on running after someone who couldn’t even fight for me and couldn’t even make good of her promise that she can wait for me to love her again!”

I was speechless. I couldn’t dispute what he said.

Rev sat down and buried his face in his hands. His shoulders rocked and I was left with nothing to do. How can I even answer what he said when I know he was right.

“Why is it that when things get rough, you’re quick to run away? Don’t you even care about what I feel??” Rev looks so wounded and it squeezed my heart. I wanted to wipe his tears even when my eyes were also blurry with tears. I wanted to wipe away his pain but I don’t know how. I don’t know why we are in this situation.

“Do you really love me, Rein? Did you even love me, even for just a bit?”

“Rev!”

“Because I fought for you, but it was easy for you to turn your back on me.”

I knelt on the floor in front of him so that I can look at his face straightly.

“Rein, do you love me?” he asked again.

“Is that not so clear to you? Did you not feel it?”

“I want to hear it! I love you, Rein. Yes, I still love you! But please give me a reason to hold on and fight for this! Because I am getting tire. It is exhausting fighting alone.”

I lifted my hand and caressed his face. I tenderly wiped his tears.

“Yes Rev, I love you. But..”

“But! But! But! Shit!”

“Rev, you are going to have a baby! What do you want me to do?? You didn’t even tell me about it. You’re not the only one hurting here. I am also hurting!”

“That’s why I am doing everything I can so that you will not get hurt!”

“How will I not get hurt? Rev, no matter what we do, you have a baby with another woman!”

He took a deep breath and looked at my eyes with sorrow.

“Just because there’s a woman who told you that she was pregnant with my baby, you up and left. You were not even sure she was pregnant.”

I stared at him.

“Was she.. lying?”

“No.”

My shoulders slumped again.

“But that was not my baby. I met her only once. I got drunk when I heard you were getting married,” he looked me in the eye. “But I know I never touched her. I woke up in her place, yes. We were both naked and she was hugging me. But I know that nothing happened between us.”

“How can you be so sure?” his recollection paints a picture in my mind that annoys me. I don’t like picturing him hugging someone else.

“It’s barely three months when that happened. I had someone investigate her. She’s four months on the way. I really wanted to resolve this as fast as I can. But my private investigator took a while to locate the baby’s real father. Ashley was desperate to have someone she can introduce to her family, so she was clinging on to me. And the only way for her to stop chasing after me is to find her real boyfriend. Otherwise, she will keep on messing with us. I don’t want her to hurt you, Rein. Especially not on our wedding day.”

“Why didn’t you communicate with me? Why did you keep me in the dark? I kept on calling you but you ignored me. You said you’re coming back but you never returned. I came to you but you wouldn’t talk to me,” I started getting teary-eyed again. “It’s so hard to sleep without you by my side!” I hit his arm.

“That is because I really want to resolve everything before talking to you. I want everything between us to go as smoothly as possible. When I left the pad, Mama talked to me about Ashley. She learned about it because Ashley came forward and talked to her. Mama told me to resolve it before marrying you. Otherwise, it will ruin us.”

“I’m sorry Rev. I’m so selfish.”

“I know.”

I pouted.

He pulled my head and pressed his lips on mine. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. But wait-! Does it mean Auntie Eva is fine with us getting married? She’s not angry with me anymore?”

“Honestly, I don’t know because we never really talked about that in particular. But don’t worry, she will forgive you eventually. She loves you, you know that.”

I nodded. ‘I know. And I love her, too,’ I thought.

“Uhmm.. Rev?” I called him and sat beside him, then I hugged him by the waist.

“Hmm?” he looked away as he became aware that I am only wearing my underwear underneath the shirt.

“Are we really getting married?” my fingers playfully traced his neck up to his jawline.

“Do you want me to buy you an antenna?”

“Huh? Why?”

“Because your signal is too slow!”

“Uhmm.. But you have not given me any engagement ring. And you haven’t properly proposed, too, so..”

He rubbed his nape.

“Yeah.. you’re right.”

“Tss.”

“It’s not that I don’t have a ring ready for you. It’s just that I had to tell you now because you were crying so badly earlier,” he teased so I glared at him. “I’ll make up for it once I have prepared everything. For now, let’s go on a date.”

Like a child offered a candy, my face lit up.

“Group date.”

I pouted. “Why group date??”

“Because the gang has been waiting for us for a while now. They will be pulling your hair out for sure because you tried to ghost them earlier. Go, get ready. Change your clothes.”

I tapped my forehead. I totally forgot about them!

He gently pulled me towards my closet. He rummaged through my clothes and looked for something I can wear. He chose a red peplum dress. It’s among the clothes he bought for me when I was in his pad.

Then he guided me to the bathroom to change.

Suddenly, a naughty idea came to mind. I escaped from him and ran away from the bathroom towards the other side of my apartment. Then I quickly pulled off my undershirt.

His eyes grew wide. “What the hell are you doing?!”

“Changing clothes.” I slowly took my precious time looking for a different outfit in my closet.

“A-are you out of y-you mind?”

I smiled secretly. ‘Come closer, lover.’

Several minutes have passed but he still wouldn’t come near me, so I turned around to see what he’s doing but he’s gone. Where did he go??

“Rev?” I called. I glanced at the bathroom. It’s closed so I knocked. “Rev!”

“You don’t want to use the bathroom, so I’ll use it!”

Ugh, this frustrating guy! I quickly put on the dress and knocked again.

“I’m done now, you can come out!”

He took a peep from a small opening to check if I really changed.

“Tss. So finicky.”

He pinched my ear. “Don’t do that again!”

We glared at each other.

“Why not?” I grumbled.

He smiled at me gently. ‘Lord, his smile melts my heart!’

“I want to be the one to remove every piece of your clothing one by one,” he winked.

I held onto my garter as I felt his words cause it to slip down.

He walked to me and pulled me by the waist. “I love you Rein. And as much as I really want you right now, I am trying to control myself here. I will marry you first.”

I blushed and smiled widely.

“You’re annoying. Why are you so handsome?!”

“Of course. That’s why you’re head over heals in love with me, right?”

I punched his chest and hugged him tight.

We remained like that for several minutes before he let go of me to continue prepping myself. I just brushed my hair, put on face powder and a lip gloss and told him I am ready.

While on the way, I heard him call Noelle and tell her that we are on our way.

“Rein,” he called me while driving. I looked at him. “What if I am really the baby’s father? Will you really let go of me?”

I took some time before answering his question.

“Rev, I left because I thought you love her. If that was your baby and you love her, yes I will let you go. Because I prefer your happiness over mine.”

“What if the baby’s mine, but you’re the one I really love.”

“If you tell me you choose me, I will fight for you, Rev.”

“Even if she will keep on messing with us?”

“As long as you assure me that I am the one you love, I will take that, Rev.”

“Then what if I didn’t find you and you didn’t find out the truth?”

I looked down. “I think we’ll separate ways like that. I will run until I’m tired running again. Until my heart brings me back to you. I tried to disappear from your life before, but I was unable to stay away.”

He reached for my hand and held me. Then he slightly squeezed it.

“Don’t run away again.”

I bit my lip as guilt swept me.

“Stop that!”

“S-Stop what?”

“Biting on your lips. I’m jealous!”

I smiled teasingly. “Do it too, if you want!”

He smiled and whispered. “You just wait..”

I can’t wait!

When we reached the meeting place, Rev had his car taken by a valet attendant. Then, he held my hand and led me to the restaurant bar where our friends are waiting.

We spotted them the moment we came in.

“You go to the table first,” he whispered to my ear. A band is performing in one corner of the place so it is noisy.

“Where are you going?”

“I just have to make a call.”

I looked at him. “Would you disappear again? You always disappear whenever you leave me to call someone!” I said while pouting.

He pinched my nose. “Trust me,” and he kissed me on the lips before he turned away without waiting for my answer.

I sighed. I think my night is already ruined.

I went to where our friends are and tried to calm myself. There’s no reason to doubt Rev. He loves me.

True to his words, Rev came back, but with someone in tow.

“Oh? Why is Xander with you?” I asked when they came.

“What, don’t you want to see me?” Xander said, pouting.

“Of course I want to see you-” I stopped on track when Rev’s eyebrows knitted.

Xander was about to sit beside me but Rev forced him on a chair in the other side of the table. Xander laughed mockingly.

“Be thankful I let you in on this,” Rev warned.

“I’m scared.” Xander tried to annoy him more.

“Hey, Xander, buddy!” Kristoff clapped him in the back. “Long time no see, man!”

“You look really well off now, huh?” Daniel joined in.

“You invited Xander? That’s a miracle!” I poked rev with my elbow.

“Yes, for him to see that he doesn’t have any more chance with you!”

Xander laughed again and I joined in laughing. Rev is acting childish. Just to show Xander that we are dating, he invited him over!

“Don’t be so confident, Montenegro. Remember, my rose was chosen, not yours!”

“Pssst! Are the two of you fighting?” Sheena came in between.

“Are you fighting over Reina?” Alexandra was a little more specific with her question.

“I have nothing to do with that. Maybe they are fighting over another woman,” I butt in, feeling upset.

Did Rev give someone a rose? Were they rivals over someone? Is that why he was hostile with Xander from the start? And he just made me believe that it was because of me!

I am so irritated!

“Are you crying?” Rev whispered when he heard me sniffing.

“No I’m not!” I snapped.

“Hey, what’s the problem?”

“It’s nothing!”

Annoying! I’m really getting upset!

Before he can see my teary eyes, I told him I was going to the powder room and left.

I was surprised when I saw Noelle behind me.

“Girl, you look upset. Why?”

“It’s nothing.”

“At last, you and Rev already made up. Are you two officially dating now?”

I don’t know how to answer that.

“Maybe?” I answered, unsure.

“What kind of answer is that!”

“I mean.. Yes.. I think yes. Suddenly, we’re just dating. He didn’t even court me!” I complained.

‘He did not give me even one withered flower! And now I’ll find out that there’s a girl he gave a rose to!’

“He did not court you? Girl, he courted you for a long time already. That guy is so patient.”

“When and where did he court me?”

Noelle sighed and looked at me.

“You were a scholar, but sometimes, you are so dense. You’re the only person who couldn’t see the sacrifices Rev did for you ever since we were students. We were not commenting on it before because we didn’t want Rev to feel embarrassed because you are just too oblivious.”

“I acknowledge that Rev made many sacrifices for me. I know that.”

“Then why are you complaining about him not courting you?”

I felt ashamed of myself. She was right. All the things Rev did for me are more than enough.

“Actually, I am just upset with him.”

“You’re so childish. Just fix yourself. Here, let me do your make up.”

I let Noelle do her magic on me. If I don’t, she’ll just nag me, anyway. When she’s done, she let me look at myself in the mirror.

“Wow, we look so party ready!” I exclaimed.

I looked at my smoky and smouldering eyes and the lashes that makes it look mysterious and hypnotic. My high cheekbones were made prominent by the ever so subtle blush on that complimented my skin tone. The sheer lipstick made my lips look luscious and tempting.

If I am a guy, I will no doubt make a double-take to this woman staring at me from the mirror.

I gave Noelle a high-five. My mood lightened up. I feel better, so we went back to our table.

My heart suddenly plummeted down again when I didn’t see Rev on his seat. But I gasped when I recognized the person sitting on it.

“Auntie Eva..”

She smiled at me her warm smile that she used to direct towards me before all the chaos that happened.

“You look very lovely, Rein.” She kissed me on the cheek and hugged me.

I hugged her back tightly. “Auntie..” my eyes moistened in happiness.

“Hush now..” she held me at arm’s length and dabbed tissue at the corners of my eyes. “Don’t cry now, you’ll ruin your make up. You have to watch this,” she gestured at the platform where the band was playing earlier.

I realized just now that everyone went silent as if they are anticipating a show.

The band earlier is still on the stage but the lights grew dim in their spot and I can only see their silhouette.

One by one, the lights around the place turned off, except for some mood lights.

My heart jumped to my throat when a spotlight slowly turned towards the stage, and Rev’s voice filled the room.