Chapter 47

Prayers were said,hymns were sung and scriptures read.But Luke wasn’t aware of any of it.All he knew was that his Andy,his rock,his future,was there with him.

“…Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit;as it was in the beginning,is nowand shall be for ever.”

“Amen,”the congregation said.

The organ started playing softly;the funeral director’s people began fiddling with Roger’s coffin,putting it back on its set of wheels.

“Come on,love,time to go,”Andy murmured into Luke’s hair.

Luke looked up.“Is it over?”

“Yes,it’s all over now,”Donnie told him,squeezing his hand.“You were very brave.”

Luke didn’t tell Donnie why he had been crying,he was sure he wouldn’t understand.

As he followed the coffin back down the aisle,Luke felt an overwhelming sense of peacefulness wash over him.It really was over.Roger was gone.He couldn’t hurt him any more.Gone was the man who had cheated on him,abused his love and his friendship.Walking beside him was Andy,solid,dependable,loving Andy.Luke felt tears threaten again.He knew he could now embrace his future,unfettered by ties to his past.He had a chance to move forward,live the life he’dlong dreamed of but had never been able to achieve.

Outside the church,Luke stood at the top of the steps and watched as the hearse drove away,taking his past to the crematorium.The sun broke out from behind a cloud,bathing Luke in warmth.He knew with an increasing sense of surety what he needed to do next,but first he had to deal with the“mourners.”He knew hardly any of them had even heard of Roger,let alone methim.

Luke asked one or two,“Did you know Roger well?I can’t remember him talking about you.”It was cruel perhaps,but he thought it wrong to attend a funeral purely to get close to someone they’d wanked off to on a DVD.

Luke saw out of the corner of his eye a short,stocky man,probably in his mid thirties,hovering just the other side of the door.Soon he emerged clutching his order of service.He mumbled,“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you.”Luke reached to take his hand,but the guy thrust the order of service into it and asked,“Could I have your autograph?I’ve got most of your films,you’re—”

Andy,who had been silently standing next to Luke,reached forward,plucked the paper from Luke’s fingers and pushed it back at the man.“Mr Wales is not signing today.”

“Er,sorry.”The man scurried off.Luke smiled up at Andy,silently giving him his thanks.

The vicar emerged,Sam and Donnie at either side of him.“Thank you,Vicar,it was a really moving tribute to Roger.”Luke shook the man’s hand,putting on the best acting performance of his life.

“I always try my best to do God’s work among the gay community.”Luke inwardly winced as the cleric looked as though he was about to settle in for a long discussion.

“And you do it so well,”Sam said,taking the middle-aged man by the elbow and leading him down the steps,Donnie following.“Now,the bishop’s visit next week.I wonder if we shouldn’t attempt to—”The rest of his words became inaudible.Just before they disappearedround the corner,Sam caught Luke’s eye and winked at him.Finally he was alone with Andy.

“You okay?”Andy asked.

Luke shook his head and closed his eyes.Should he do this?Could he do it?Feeling a warm breath of air blow past him,he opened his eyes and spoke.“This isn’t the right time.”His gaze drifted to some confetti dancing along the stone path as it got caught in the slight breeze.Forcing himself to look back up at Andy,dressed smartly in his black suit,he continued,“but it’s probably the right place.Not being with you the past few days has taught me something.Well,a lot of things.I now know even more how much I need you,how much you take care of me and make me feel safe.I feel empty without you.Andy,”he swallowed,“Andy,will you marry me?”

Andy didn’t reply.At first Luke wasn’t sure if he’d heard him.Or maybe he was trying to find the words to turn him down as gently as he could.

Feeling panic beginning to well up,Luke babbled,“I promise I’m not asking out of a sense of guilt,though I do feel guilty about shutting you out these past few days.It’s just,seeing you today,coming here despite what I said,shows that you love me,you know what I need,even when I don’t and—”Luke swallowed.“I’m sorry.I should have kept my mouth shut.Please,could you forget I said anything and—”

Andy took his hand.“I—”

Andy liked Toby.No,Andy reallyliked Toby.The young man was intelligent,eager to please,quick to learn and most importantly,he seemed to have a genuine affinity for pigs.Andy had given in to Toby’s request to assist with a farrowing.The stocky black-haired lad had deftly scooped up each piglet as it popped out,cleaned its mouth and nose as directed,and then painted its navel with iodine.

“There you go,fella,go under the lamp to keep warm.”Toby laid the wriggling piglet in the barred off corner of the farrowing pen before standing up to receive a nod of approval from Andy,who couldn’t help his grin.“What?”Toby asked.“Did I get anything wrong?”

Andy chuckled.“Just the sex of the piglet.That‘fella’is a gilt,a female piglet.”

“Oh,uh,”Toby ducked his head in embarrassment.

“Don’t worry;I’ve made worse mistakes than that.”Andy remembered the time three months earlier when—distracted by his worries about Luke—he tried to castrate a gilt.But no way washe sharing that incident with Toby.

“It’s really interesting,seeing what goes on.”

Andy treated Toby to a genuine smile.“You’re doing a great job,mate.”He silently wished his nephew would show as much interest.

“I spent a couple of summers on my granddad’s farm;though that was a few years ago.”

“It’s like riding a bike.”Andy’s knee twinged.It had been bothering him all day.He had hoped,if he ignored the pain,it would go away,but no such luck.Andy leaned down to rub the damaged joint.“I’m just nipping to the house for a few minutes.You’ll be all right?”

“Yeah,sure.”Toby beamed.

“Give us a yell if you have any problems,”Andy said,limping out of the pig shed,trying not to grimace at the pain.

“Where’s Toby?”Craig asked as soon as Andy was through the door.

“He’s run off with the milkman,”Andy said,easing himself into a chair and stretching out his leg.Lassie got out of her basket to greet him and Andy gave her a scratch behind the ears.

“You don’t have a milkman.”

“He made a special delivery.”

Craig’s expression grew serious.“You okay?Is your leg hurting?”

“It’s just a twinge.”

“Which means that it’s really hurting.”Craig’s hands went to his hips.“Where are your pills?”

He didn’t like people fussing,but Craig meant well.Andy pointed to the cupboard to the rightof the fridge.“Where they usually are.”

“Do you need to eat something with them?”

“Suppose I should,”Andy said,shaking a couple of tablets into his palm.“There should be some cake left.”

Craig scampered off to the pantry and returned holding a square tin.

“Just a small piece.Don’t want to spoil dinner.”

“Okay.What we having?”Craig handed him a medium sized slice of cake on a piece of absorbent kitchen paper.

“Dunno.”It was Andy’s turn to cook,but inspiration hadn’t struck.Catering to two teenagers was proving more of a challenge than he’d expected it to be.

****

The long school summer holidays had been in full swing and Craig had been bored.Andy had soon grown fed up of seeing his nephew moping about the place.The only thing that had seemed to lifthim out of his apathy was talking on the phone with his friend,Toby,the emo kid he’d met in London.Craig had really knuckled down to study for his A1 exams.Once they were over,Andy thought his nephew deserved a reward.He had told Craig to ask Toby if he wanted to come up to Yorkshire for a few days.

Before the day was over,Andy had gone off to Wakefield to meet Toby’s train.