I was still nestled under my blankets by noon on Wednesday, the only light source in my room being the computer screen while I binge watched Netflix. By one thirty, I was tired of watching Grey's Anatomy and for once, I actually wished that I was stimulated by my teachers. But despite the smallest inclination to go to school, I was advised otherwise.
Luke and my mom walked into my room together this morning, just before my alarm went off, and told me not to go to school today. The conversation went something like this:
"Good morning honey," Mom tried to ease into the news. "Luke and I were talking, and we decided that you should stay home today. Just take a personal day, you know? You can catch up on your sleep, or do some homework, or maybe clean your room."
I looked straight and Luke and said flatly, "You told her, didn't you?"
Luke shrugged and muttered, "Does it matter?" Then he shoved his hands in his pockets and gave me a look. "Just take a day off, alright? I wish mom was telling me to skip school."
When a sleepy smile came onto my lips, they knew they had won me over. My mom was a very stubborn woman, but I was grateful that stubbornness was focused on me staying home from school. They left me to sleep in until I woke up just shy of eleven o'clock to an empty house.
I grew restless around one o'clock and decided to ditch Netflix for- get this- cleaning my room. The floors were ridden with clothes, my notebooks were strewn all over my desk, and I could see a bra or two hanging off the back of my chair.
I temporarily stole Luke's speakers from his room and instead set them on top of my dresser. I scrolled through my favorite playlist and got started on cleaning the disaster with background music, provided by the Rolling Stones.
While I'm cleaning, I hear the beginning to one of my favorite songs, blaring through the speaker at an unnecessary- yet completely necessary- high volume. "Wild, wild horses..."
I reach down to scoop up a handful of clothes and turn around to throw them into my laundry basket, but when I spin around, I see a person standing in my doorway. The clothes fell into a heap by my feet as my eyes widened and I screamed out of pure shock and as a reaction to my heart thumping wildly against my chest.
"Lauren, calm down!" A familiar voice screams over the music, and Asher takes a step closer to me. "It's just me!"
Despite the surprise on his expression, an amused smile tugged his lips up. I threw a hand to my violently beating chest in an attempt to calm down as I stumbled over to the speaker to turn it down considerably.
"You scared the shit out of me," I mutter, and then glance at him. "How did you get in?"
Asher smirks. "I tried knocking, but you didn't answer. The key was under the flower pot. It was a pretty lame hiding spot, if you ask me. First place I checked."
I'm about to scold him for breaking and entering my house so carelessly- and to hide the spare key in a different place- when
I remember the context of his visit. This was the first time we've spoken since he found out about everything. With the way things have been going the past few days- first Vincent, then Tess- I shouldn't be so surprised that Asher was here.
My demeanor shifts and I can see his smirk slowly fading. I straighten up and ask, "What are you doing here?"
"You need to talk to Nathan," Asher tells me immediately.
I admired the way he cut straight to the point, but hearing his name still left me feeling dazed and confused.
I didn't know how to reply, so I mumble, "About?"
"You know what," He says in a steely voice that I rarely, if ever, have heard the happy-go-lucky guy use. "You have to tell him the truth. He's making himself crazy over what he thinks happened."
I raise my eyebrows and challenge stubbornly, "How do you know what really happened? How do you know I didn't just use him?"
Asher gives me an unimpressed look. "Because I've seen the way you look at him," He says simply. As an after thought, he adds, "Vincent told me what you said and Tess told me what she saw. Nathan was never in the plans for the experiment."
With this, comes a feeling of relief. It was nice to know that Asher understood. It was another person who knew the truth about the entire thing; another person who saw things for how they really are. I think about what he said before, about how I needed to speak to Nathan, and feel the relief slowly dissolve.
"Nathan doesn't want to talk to me," I tell him with a discouraged sigh. "I tried already."
All the previous energy from before suddenly left me. Somehow, talking about him exhausted me. I walk over to my bed and sit down, and after a moment of hesitation, Asher takes a few steps closer to me.
He grabs the chair from my desk and sets it down a few feet in front of my bed. When he sits down, for the once, I don't see the light in his eyes. His normal attitude dissipates to be replaced by a somberness that I hated to see.
"Of course he's upset," Asher sighs. "All he knows is that you were a part of some social experiment that was started because of Thomas." He runs a frustrated hand down his face. "He figured that you only talked to him to mess with Thomas."
"But that's bullshit!" I cry, and then lower my voice. "How does he not know that's bullshit?"
Asher looks at me for a moment. "All he knows is whatever rumors Nina spread." When my expression breaks, he sighs again. "Listen, Lauren, there's something you need to know about Nathan to understand this."
My brow furrows in interest and I murmur quietly, "What?"
"He wasn't the way he is now. He used to drink and smoke religiously, and he got in trouble all the time because, frankly, he didn't care about anything after his parents died," By the tone of Asher's voice, I could tell that he wasn't fond of Nathan's old behavior. "When he met you, he became a different person. That might sound stupid, but it's true. He smiles all the god damn time now. I've never seen Nathan this happy before."
Hearing his words made a smile grace my lips as I think back on our past few months together, but all happy nostalgia ends when I remember why we are having this conversation.
Sensing my shift in mood, Asher gives me a sad smile. "He likes you so much that when he started thinking you were just using him, he stopped being the happy, smiling Nathan and went back to being the reckless, heartless Nathan."
Everything he says makes sense, and it makes my heart hurt that I was the reason for his change. He reverted back to his old self because he thought I was using him. Did he even know that I spent months trying to control my erratic heartbeat whenever he came near me? Or that I tried, for the sake of our friendship, to keep my crush on him in check? The night at the cabin when Nathan told me he liked me was one of the best nights of my life.
"I know he was harsh when he talked to you last time," Asher's voice is soft, and when I look up at him, his expression is softer. "But I know for a fact that he misses you just as much as you miss him."
I wanted to believe that, but every time I considered the possibility of Nathan missing me, I thought of his face when I went to his house. The anger and distaste in his eyes, the coldness in his expression, and worst of all, the venom in his words. But Asher was Nathan's best friend, and that had to count for something, right?
"How do I even get him to listen to me?" I implore with a sigh.
Asher smirks. "That's where I come in."
***
By the time I finally got Asher to go back to school, not even five minutes after he shut the front door, my phone rang. I was already so overwhelmed with his plan, which he spewed at me with promises of its success, that I fumbled to get my phone from my desk. I reached it right before it would stop ringing and put it to my ear.
"Hello?" I answer, kind of breathless but mostly lost in my thoughts.
"Hi Lauren, it's Richard," Dad's voice replies cheerily, and he catches my attention. "How are you doing?"
"Alright," I sigh.
"Luke told me what happened," He says carefully, and for a second my heart stops and I wonder how much did Luke say?
Luckily, I don't wonder for long, because my dad continues. "I'm sorry about you and Nathan. I know you might not be up to talking right now, so I'll make this short."
I actually find it in me to smile at his careful treading, regardless of the mention of Nathan. "Thank you. Please, continue."
"I'm leaving for Florida this week. In a few days, actually. I want to see you again before I leave; I have some things for you." He tells me calmly.
He was going back to Florida? I guess it made sense; I mean, his job was there, his house was there, his life was there. But still, it hurt a little, to lose my dad again, and after losing Nathan no less. I stood there, conflicting feelings racing through me, as I become overwhelmed all over again.
"When do you leave?" I manage to ask.
"Friday morning," He answers calmly, but I can't detect a hint of weariness.
Asher's plan was to be executed at school tomorrow, and I wondered if it would be difficult to see dad after that, if it ended poorly. Still, though, he was my father, and I wanted to see him again.
"Come by tomorrow after school," I say with some conviction. "Does that sound alright?"
This time, I can hear a smile in his voice. "Yes, that sounds perfect. I'll see you then, hon. I hope you feel better."
"Thanks, dad. I'll see you tomorrow." I answer, somewhat dejectedly.
By the time I hung up the phone, I was drained. I fell back on my bed and shut my eyes, thinking about Asher and my dad and tomorrow and most of all, Nathan. I stayed lying down in bed for a few more minutes before drifting into sleep.
When I woke up, it was six o'clock, and my mom was calling, "Dinner!" from the bottom of the steps. I stretched in my bed before reluctantly sliding off of it, feet landing on the cold hardwood floor. Once I was standing, I put my hair up in a ponytail and wiped my eyes before heading downstairs.
There was a lot of talking coming from the kitchen; I could hear different voices getting louder and louder as I descended the stairs. When I turned into the kitchen, I saw my mom in front of the stove, turned around to talk to Stephanie, who was leaning against the counter while Luke and Cole sat at the dinner table.
I walked in confused, but when Stephanie and my mom saw me, they smiled widely at me. "Hi, sweetie. How was your nap?"
I eyed my moms suspiciously good mood. "It was well needed, thank you." I turn towards Steph, and then glance at Cole too. "What's everybody doing here?"
Mom speaks again. "We thought it'd be nice to have a big, nice dinner. Go sit down, the food will be on the table in a minute."
I knew what she was doing. She was trying to make me feel better by bringing my friends over to cheer me up. Although her pity bothered me a little, a smile stretched on my lips at her thoughtfulness. Mom sees my smile and hers gets warmer, more genuine, like she can feel my appreciation.
"Go sit," Mom repeats kindly, motioning toward the dinner table.
I turn around and flash my smile at Steph, who looks a little relieved to see it. We walk over to the dinner table and I sit across the table from Cole, who smiles at me when I sit down, as does Luke from beside him.
"Hey Lauren," Cole greets with a nod.
"Yeah, good morning sunshine," Luke teases with a playful smile. "Glad to see you could join."
I return his smile. "Hey, guys."
"We were just talking about what animals we would be if we weren't human," Luke tells me seriously. "I think I'd be something majestic, like an Eagle, but Cole thinks I'd be a prairie dog." Steph and I laugh at Coles interpretation of Luke's spirit animal. "What do you guys think?"
"Prairie dog," I answer, trying to keep a straight face. "Definitely prairie dog."
Steph looks at Luke thoughtfully. "Not a prairie dog, but I don't know about an eagle. Maybe a seagull?"
This wasn't the answer Luke hoped for. His face fell into an expression of horror as he stared at Steph open-mouthed, as if he couldn't believe her suggestion. "A seagull?"
Cole, Stephanie, and I began laughing harder at this reaction. Luke began muttering obscenities under his breath, but stopped when the overwhelmingly delicious aroma of our dinner floated through his nose. I smelt it too, and turned just in time to see mom placing some dishes down on the table. Chicken Parmesan, garlic bread, salad, and pasta now graced the table in a beautiful array of colors.
All of my favorite foods. As suspected, this was most definitely a pity dinner, but I didn't care. I smiled widely at my mom in secret, and she caught my eye and smiled back knowingly. I glance around the table at all of the familiar faces that I love dearly, and feel my heart swell in gratitude. These were my people. And no matter how hard things got, my people were still here for me.