I was a mess when I stepped foot in school. My heart was racing all day in anticipation of Asher's stupid plan and the nervous butterflies that fluttered in the pit of my stomach only increased tenfold as the day progressed.
Not to mention that Nina and her minions pounced on me the second they caught wind that I was done hiding my face in hoodies. The moment Nina's scrutinizing gaze landed on my ripped jeans, converse, and faded Rolling Stones tee, she accused me of trying to get attention again.
Despite the excessive taunting and harsh words, my mind was focused far away elsewhere to be remotely hurt by Nina and her friends. The mere thought of seeing Nathan had me in a whirlwind of nerves and my heart wouldn't cease its erratic beating. I mean, who's to say Asher's stupid plan would really work?
According to him, I was supposed to be waiting in the art room five minutes into the lunch hour. He told me that he would get Nathan inside-- he spared me specifics, of course-- and then the plan was that "we talk". Even though I pointed out the obvious-- the most likely case that Nathan will simply walk out and leave without hearing me out-- Asher was hell bent that the plan would work.
By the time the bell rang to signal lunch, I was so nervous that I contemplated ignoring Asher's plan all together, but the off chance that it might work led me straight to the art room. Casey wasn't in there today, which was a good thing, and I stood there nervously for minutes before I became restless.
I sat down with my sketchbook and tentatively continued working on the piece I had started a few days ago. Every few moments, I glanced at the door, but eventually five minutes passed and there was no sign of the boys. Then ten more minutes passed. Then twenty. And there was no sign of Asher or Nathan.
In an attempt to mask my nerves, I just keep focusing on my artwork. The image was identifiably from the days we spent at the lake-- more specifically, I drew inspiration from the night that Nathan and I began dating. I had carved out a still lake that shimmered in the moonlight with a dark sky that let the stars shine down on the floating dock, where two figures lay down side by side.
As I tried to recreate the beauty of the moment, I hear a familiar voice in the distance, sounding bored and drained. "... are we getting again?"
"I need to change my grade in the art teachers computer," I hear Asher explain, his voice getting louder. "She always keeps it unlocked."
I look up the same moment that Nathan walks into the art room and lifts his gaze to meet mine. My lips part in shock when the air is knocked out of my by the power of his stare as it drinks me in with just as much surprise. My hand hovered over the paper motionlessly as I stared at him, attempting to shut my dropped jaw.
The only reason I look away from Nathan's captivating icy gaze is because I hear the distinct sound of a lock. I immediately stand to look for Asher in the room, but the space he had been standing moments ago was empty, and the door was firmly shut. Nathan follows my gaze and mutters something before he takes two long strides and tries to open the door.
It didn't open. Asher locked us in here.
That was not a part of the plan.
Although I knew the answer, I ask, "Is it locked?" And realize how dumb of a question that was. The first ting I say since he walks in, and I ask if the locked door is locked.
Nathan glances at me with narrowed eyes. "No, I just didn't try to open it right," He snaps. "Of course it's fucking locked."
Hearing his harsh tone made me want to look down, become small, disappear completely. But I knew that I couldn't. Nathan turns back around and tries to jiggle the handle, as if it might change the outcome, and I take a deep breath.
"God dammit Asher," Nathan curses before his closed fist comes in contact with the door.
I take this opportunity to take a few steps closer to him as his back remains toward me. I take another deep breath; the door was locked. There's no going back now.
"Nathan," I finally say softly, letting his name roll off my tongue for the first time in awhile.
I can see the muscles in his back tense when he hears his name. After a hesitant moment, Nathan turns around to face me with a stoic expression, probably so I don't know how he's actually feeling. For a second, I reconsider disappearing, but push the thought to the back of my mind.
"What?" He snaps sharply. I could tell he was on edge.
I don't allow myself to deflate this time when I tell him, "We need to talk."
Nathan laughs, but it's not the kind of laugh I'm used to hearing from him. This laugh is sinister, icy, and makes me inwardly cringe when I hear it. "What makes you think I want to even look at you, let alone talk to you?"
The harsh words cut through me much deeper than any of Nina's ever had. That was strike one, and it hurt like hell, but I wouldn't give up just yet.
"I want to tell you the truth," I try this time. It was a lame attempt, but Nathan's condescending gaze made the confidence slowly spill out of me.
Nathan's blank expression finally breaks to show his anger. He took a step toward me as he shook his head vehemently, and towered over me with his eyes ablaze. The sight of him looking so angry should've scared me, but for some reason, it didn't.
"It was time to tell me the truth a long time ago. You missed your chance," Nathan's voice is low and the clear anger seeps through each word. "You used me for your little experiment. Do you get how fucked up that is? Or are you just used to fucked up relationships? Did you get used to Thomas using you, and your dad leaving, that you thought every relationship was that fucked up?"
Strike two. It was low to bring up my relationship with Thomas, and even more so my father. Maybe I should've just stopped there, called Asher and asked him to open the door, but I didn't.
Instead, I got angry.
"I didn't use you!" I shout at him in exasperation. "Stephanie's plan was to get me through the rest of high school with a different attitude, not to use my ex boyfriends enemy against him for revenge. You were never in the plans, but at Justin's party, you were just there, and we started talking, and I started liking you. You were never going to be in the social experiment, and I kept that part true." Caught up in my anger, I take another step forward and hit him on the chest, but he doesn't even flinch. "Don't fucking tell me about my relationships, especially not with my father. I know they're fucked up, but you don't have to tell me. I asked- no, I begged- Stephanie to keep you out of the entire thing, because I didn't want it to ruin things between us. It was never about you."
The silence after I'm done yelling is the most deafening of all. I stare at him fiercely, my chest heaving from my rant, nestled in a pool of confidence. All too easily, I get caught in his captivating grey blue gaze, trying to read the emotions in his eyes. But it was no use; he was an expert at hiding his feelings, and I just stood there and stared at him for an excruciatingly long minute.
His eyes break away from my gaze and instead float all over my face, the way he used to when he would wear the same thoughtful expression. Something about it felt familiar, but I held my breath as he examined me, overrun by a mixture of emotions. The most important, however, was the nervous sensation burning through my stomach as I awaited his response.
Was he trying to catch me out? Or maybe was he thinking about the rumors?
I have never, ever wanted to know what a person was thinking more than I did right now.
After a painfully long stretch of silence that seemed to last eons, Nathan met my gaze again and spoke. "Maybe fucked up isn't that bad."
The only reassurance coming from his words was the softer tone he used while speaking them. Other than that, I was lost. I furrowed my brow and look at Nathan, confused and nervous for the interpretation of his words.
"All week I found it fucked up that I still missed you," Hope flutters in the depths of my chest when I hear his words. "I even lost two races because every time I went to the tracks, I thought of how your eyes light up when you watch me race." Nathan shakes his head, like he's telling himself that he's getting off track, and starts again. "I thought it was fucked up that I was getting furious watching you and Nina in the cafeteria the other day when I wanted to hate you. And I thought it was more fucked up that I went to get Luke to help, when I thought I should've ignored it."
Hope filled my heart when I realize he was the one to get Luke and Cole come to my aid, even though I thought he didn't care. As he listed his weaknesses, I realized that he really did miss me like I missed him, despite his cold attitude when we spoke this week.
"When Tess told me what happened, I lost it. I mean, Thomas' family took away the two people I loved the most. Ever since my parents died, I didn't let myself get close to anyone. I even tried pushing Asher away, too. But you..." Nathan trails off, his jaw clenching, and his intense gaze flickered back to mine, captivating me immediately, demanding all my attention. "You're different. I'm not used to feeling this way about a person." He stops, and my heart beats quicker, my mind speeding in twenty seven different directions, but I continue to stare at him, even though he looks away from my gaze. "When I heard you were using me to get back at Thomas, it felt like he was still taking away the people I cared about."
My heart broke for Nathan. He thought all along that all my attention was on Thomas, when he couldn't have been more wrong. As I look at him, longing to hug him or kiss him or hold his hand or all of the above, I see the vulnerability in his expression and realize I have to tell him this.
"I don't give a shit about Thomas. Maybe I did in the beginning, when I agreed to the whole thing, but the only reason I continued to go through with the experiment was for Stephanie and her sociology project." His gaze finally meets mine again, and I look at him fiercely when I say the next words. "Nate, I care about you, and I have cared ever since the beginning. You put up walls to make people think you're just some reckless badass that doesn't care about anything. But I know who you really are. You've been through so much but still manage to take care of your little brother, keep your house, put food on the table, and stay in school. I have so much respect for you, Nathan. I would never use you like that."
The air felt thick, but that's because it was finally filled with everything that I had wanted to say, everything I had needed to say. Our words hung in the air, just floating between us, as I waited for a conclusive decision. What was going to happen? Did Nathan believe me? Would he forgive me? Or would he just put up his walls again and block me out for the last time?
I studied him intensely, my green eyed gaze desperate to know what he was thinking. Nathan was staring back at me just as plainly, and it felt like ages were passing between us. Seconds felt like they were melting into minutes, then hours, then days, until I almost had to break our intense gaze just to regain my sanity.
"Come here, kitten." Nathan breathes, as if he's finally made his decision, but he doesn't even wait for me to move.
Instead, he takes one big step toward me and grabs my waist, drawing me toward him tightly and urgently, his touch sending shots of fire through my body. His lips crashed down on mine, kissing me hungrily, as if he were desperate to be close to me. I kissed back just as breathlessly and with just as much passion, my knees buckling, his strong hold only holding me up.
My hands wrapped around his neck, my fingers grabbing at his hair, tugging the ends of it as he intensified our kiss. One of his hands moves from my waist, slides up my side, leaving a trail of fire everywhere he touched, until his hand wrapped around the back of my neck to press me closer to him. I excitedly invited the closeness, pushing my body against the familiar curves of his own.
My mind had shut off, finally, and it was just Nathan and I standing there, kissing. When the air had been sucked out of both of us, and we had to separate to breath, neither of us moved far from our close position. Our chests heaved, touching each other at the peak of the rising, and I could feel his warm breath on my cheek. A smile found its way to my lips almost immediately after we broke apart, and his eyes were alive with happiness.
"Fuck, Lauren, I missed you," Nathan breathes, his voice husky and breathless. "So damn much."
I laugh, but it's breathless and airy, as I watch a beautiful grin begin to grow on his face. "I missed you too."
"I shouldn't have said anything about your father," Nathan surprises me by suddenly apologizing. "I know that I've been a dick to you the past week, and I'm sorry. I just... Didn't know how to deal with losing you."
Again, my heart swelled for Nathan. My Nathan, to be exact. It was like he flipped a switch and there he was again, kind and caring and passionate as he stared at me like I was an old flame he hadn't seen in years. I drink in his striking blue eyes and sharp jaw line, his tanned skin and white smile, and I can't keep the smile off my lips. This handsome, thoughtful, amazing guy was mine.
"It's okay," I say softly, wanting to forget about everything bad. "I'm just glad we're good again."
Nathan's eyes suddenly shone with mischief. "Who says we're good again? I just want to stay friends from now on."
I froze, my eyes widening at him. His words held so much conviction yet nonchalance that it shook me to the core, and as I stare at him for a moment with wide eyes, my mind splutters to tell my mouth to say something. But before I can, Nathan's expression breaks into a grin, and he chuckles, a beautifully deep sound vibrating in his chest.
"I'm kidding, kitten. God, you're so cute." Nate leans forward and kisses me again, a playful happiness shining in his eyes. "Lauren, if it wasn't obvious, I want you to be mine again."
I wanted to pout at him, I wanted to play mad and refuse his offer, because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction.
Unfortunately, my body didn't listen to my mind, because a large grin broke out on my face again, ruining any beginnings of my facade. An equally wide grin stretched onto Nathan's lips, more brilliant than mine by far, and my heart beat a little quicker.
"Mr. Rhodes, Mrs. Collins, do you mind telling me why my door was locked?"
I jump backwards at the voice, my heart flying to my chest, my eyes darting to the source. Standing in front of the newly opened art room door stood the art teacher. She stares at us as threateningly as she can, which isn't very threatening at all; Ms. Cassidy was the sweetest woman in the school.
She stood there in all her five foot five glory, hands on her hips, her long pink dress cinched under her hands. I lower my hand from my chest and smile at her sweetly, and I immediately see her resolve break as her eyes soften. Ms. Cassidy is almost smiling at me before I even smooth talk my way out.
"Sorry Ms. Cassidy," I apologize sincerely. "Our friend locked us in here as a joke, but I promise it won't happen again."
She seems to accept this without even countering the fact that we were nearly kissing when she walked in on us, instead giving us a warm smile. "Okay, you two head to the cafeteria before the lunch hour ends."
I glance at Nathan to see him smirking at me, as if to remind me what we were just doing, and my cheeks tinge pink. Avoiding his gaze, I hurry back to my things and grab my sketchbook, then head toward the door again. Nathan and I walk out of the art room hurriedly and shut the door behind us.
Once it's shut, I let out a little laugh. "That was close."
Nate rolled his eyes. "That woman wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone get us in any trouble." He scoops up my hand in his, making my attention turn to him. "Come on, Asher didn't let me eat before he locked me in the art room."
"Locked us in the art room," I clarify, and as if on cue, my stomach mumbles in discomfort. I smile sheepishly and say, "But yeah, I could eat."
Nathan laughs deeply as he begins pulling me along with him, through the halls and towards the lunch room. I hadn't been in the cafeteria since Nina used it as her stage to act out the Nina Alexander Bitch Show, with guest star little loser me. It's been a week since I've sat at the lunch table with everyone and been a part of the group.
I don't know if it's because he senses that I falter a little, or if he's just lost in his own thoughts, but Nate squeezes my hand and shoots me a smile. I smile back, any previous apprehension withering away with Nathan's thousand watt smile. Moments later, we finally the cafeteria hand in hand, as I followed Nathan's confident and precise movements.
As expected, people stared. High schoolers weren't very sneaky with their stares, either- they simply watched, as if we were a television show, as we weave through the tables toward our own. In an attempt to ignore the looks we were being given, my gaze found our lunch table, and I smiled widely when I saw my friends.
Asher was grinning, Tess was squealing, and Vincent was smiling with a shake of his head.
"Finally," Vincent exclaims exasperatedly as we approach the table.
I raise my eyebrows at him. "What?"
He looks between Nathan and I, glancing at our interlocked hands, and smirks. "You both finally decided to stop moping around and talk to each other. It was about damn time."
My cheeks warm when he calls me out, but Nate squeezes my hand and agrees coolly, "Yeah, well, I came to my senses."
I smile at Nathan, who sits down at the table, pulling me down in the seat beside him. His hand didn't make a move to leave mine, and I found comfort in our closeness, so I didn't either. Nathan glances at me and smiles, a smile that has an all-encompassing beauty, one that makes me feel like he was smiling just for me.
"You two were in there for awhile," Asher smirks, bringing our attention to him. "Did you do the dirty in the art room? I hope you used protec- Ow!"
Nathan leaned forward to swiftly land a punch on Asher's shoulder, which he now was nursing with a frown.
"Shut up," Nate reprimands, but there's a small smile on his lips.
I grinned. It was good to be back.