Chapter 77 - The cracks in my soul

SIN'S P.O.V.

I watched Annalise, and I felt something inside of me crack. It wasn't a complete split because I could still feel her warmth in my hand. I could still see her standing next to me.

"Please," I said again, my voice cracking. I have never had to beg a day in my life, but Annalise... I have never felt the guilt wreck me like hers, too.

She slowly turned to face me, her eyes looking up to meet mine as her jaws worked hard to try and keep her tears away from the man that had put them there.

"Why?" She croaked out, a tear rolling down her cheeks. "So you and your brother can hurt me more? So you can kill me off just like you did to my father?"

That hurt. I never expected that anyone would even think that I and Enrique are the same thing. We could hardly pass off as brothers, and yet, now... I have to hear that we are probably very much alike.

I parted my lips to speak, but nothing came out of it. I shook my head, then slowly let go of her hand. I didn't know how to read her completely, but I hoped that was disappointment I saw in her eyes as she looked down at her now empty hand.

"I am sorry. I wish I had taken your side. The status of your familiarity with me should not have determined my morals. I should have..."

"Did you know it was me from the burger place?"

I shook my head. "No. No, I did not. Up until you had those nightmares..."

"You knew why? You knew he raped me even before I told you?!"

I looked down at her, my fingers clenched into fists. "Yes. The only reason I left you when you told me was because I couldn't live with myself comforting you. I am anything but a hypocrite."

She went silent, and I could literally see her tears bubbling to the surface, her body trembling hard as she tried to keep it all in. I took one step closer, my fingers slowly cupping her cheek.

I expected her to flinch, to move out of my reach, to tell me what sort of monster she thought I was, and how shameless I was for still trying to keep her despite throwing a million dollars in her face like it would ever buy her dignity.

But like the Annalise I knew, like the Annalise who saw me before my money, who saw the man before the monster, she leaned into my palm, and I felt her tears drop onto my hand.

I did not know there was a bigger punishment for a man than death.

"What do you want to hear, Annalise?" I said softly, careful not to be too loud lest I break the already battered pieces of her.

She moved closer, her tears streaming down her face faster now, her body shaking lightly.

"Do you want to hear that I would give my all to change it? That I tried my best with your father? That I wish it wasn't me?"

Her cries had escalated to louder whimpers now, her face buried in my hand. I could see how she didn't want to lean into me yet, and I respected that.

"Tell me, Annalise. I know the money can't fix you, so what do I do? It's all I have. What do I do with you?"

She looked up, and I hated how the tears stained her cheeks, the way she suddenly looked so frail. So weak. The Annalise I knew was strong, but I had done this to her. I watched from the sidelines, and I helped cover it up.

"If you had believed that you had more than just money back then... maybe... just maybe..." her voice trailed off, the tears running down her face fast and hard.

I couldn't hold myself back anymore, and I pulled her into my body, hoping she would find the same solace she had in me that time she had hugged me at the hospital.

She melted into me, her hands wrapping tightly around me like she couldn't afford to let go, her body fitting right between my arms.

I could feel her trembling, crumbling. I could feel her shatter and burst into tears and stardust, and I hoped I had enough inside of me to put every speck of her together.

"I am sorry," I said, pushing my fingers through her hair. "I am so sorry, Annalise. I am so sorry. I am sorry."

I kept saying it till her cries drowned out my voice, but I hoped she knew how sorry I was, how I would give everything to take it back. But since I couldn't, I wish she knew how I would do anything to make it right now. To make everything right for her.

I hate being a hypocrite, but deep down, maybe that was exactly what I was. A hypocrite. I probably only cared for her because of how she made me feel now. How a complete stranger had seen me at my most vulnerable moments, like now. How a complete stranger, for once, looked beyond everything even I was convinced I was.

Suddenly, Annalise fell back, and thankfully, I was holding her back. My lips parted as her upper half fell back, her hands falling away from me, her lips parting in exasperation.

"Annalise!"

Her eyes were closed, but right under her left eye such a single tear that rolled sideways and dropped on the very top of my foot, like the universe wanted to bore a hole inside of me.

I cursed under my breath, then pulled her back into me, her hair falling across my shoulders as I carried her in my arms.

"Daddy?"

"Not now, Angel," I managed to say before I went down the stairs, my chest heaving with fear.

"Get me a car," I said to the first guard I saw. He started to open his mouth to ask stupid questions, and I turned, my eyes meeting his. "Get me a fucking car that can fucking move!"

He immediately sprang away, and in a minute, he parked a car in front of me. I immediately put Annalise in the back, and I hated the flashbacks I saw of me fitting her father the same way.

I pulled away, closed the door, took the driver's seat, and then sped off to the hospital, my heart thumping crazily in my chest. Nothing would happen to Annalise. Nothing should happen to Annalise.