Chapter 41 Lost in the moment
Celine's POV
I’d become a naked lady, but the darkness shielded me. He was also naked, also shielded by the darkness.
And for some reason, I had an unusual boldness to take the lead in this intimacy. Perhaps that was one of the disadvantages of a dark room.
“I could stop all this if you want me to,” he said.
“No.”
But I knew he was testing me, or playing a mind game with me, trying to show that he wouldn't be offended if I suddenly asked him to leave. Maybe he wouldn't be offended, but he wouldn't be pleased.
There was always a difference between being pleased and not offended.
“I’ll have you in me,” I told him.
He chuckled. “Go ahead.”
I pushed him gently so he fell lightly on the bed. I climbed the bed after, my juices still dripping down my thighs, staining the bedsheet. In this way, no oil was needed to help the process.
“Celine,” he called.
And the way he called my name… it helped me ignore that voice in my head asking me to stop.
I was committing a great sin, the voice told me. And to this moment, I didn't know why having an intimate session with Tristan was a sin, except Lila made me feel so, and of course my parents’ death haunting me.
I had to ignore all that. At least for pleasure.
I squatted above him, my right hand rubbing his full length.
“Tristan.”
“Go ahead.”
With one deep breath, I released my waist downward.
“Huh… hmmm.”
He grabbed my waist as I went downward and upward in slow rhythm. Just slow and not fast. It's slimy, making sleepy sounds almost loud enough to cover up my moans.
My head to my waist was of course in an upright position. I increased speed, then slanted my body toward his face, closer to him. I kept bending forward with each change in speed, and soon, his hands reached for my boobs, holding them as support.
“You're flexible,” he said.
But I was getting close to the outburst of pleasure.
“I’m close.” I told him.
“I’m going to shoot it deep inside you.”
And it came off me as the outburst I expected, had my legs shaking and falling on his chest, his fluid sipping out of me. I was all sweaty, breathing hard like it was my last.
That was a pleasure.
“And that's it,” he said.
I rolled off his chest to lie on the side of the bed, avoiding our eyes from meeting. I was waiting for that feeling to come, hoping that I had such strength to resist it. Just the same way I'd resisted his chaos and darkness.
“What would you do after now?” He asked.
It didn't make sense that he was asking such a question. After now? What else?
I didn't answer.
“Maybe sleep.” He went ahead to say. “It's still dark after all.”
I didn't answer, too busy trying to control my mind from letting that feeling get a place in me.
“Celine.” His fingers brushed into my hair.
And then he sat.
That was when I got myself to look directly into his eyes. It glowed, just like the first night he caught me trying to escape. I’d seen Colt’s eyes glow the same way, but I was told it was always different. His could have a different meaning.
“Your eyes, the glow, what does it mean?”
He didn't answer.
There was a knock on the door. Hell no.
Lila was knocking.
“Expecting someone?” Tristan rolled his eyes. “Oh, I forgot, you're a tricky care giver.”
The door creaked open.
Zara.
She stood at the door, looking at us, her jaw dropping. A minute passed, and she still held onto the door. Not stepping back, not even coming forward.
Tristan hadn't even moved from the bed.
“Tristan… there's something important I need you to see.” She swallowed, but I noticed her breathing was labored.
Tristan was barely looking at her.
“You have to… You have to come.”
She left the door open, walking away from it till she was out of sight. That was when his feet touched the floor.
“Celine.”
“Yes?”
“Your hand.”
“Oh…”
I’d been holding on to him. I didn't even notice myself. Insane. I couldn't believe that was a subtle way to show I was jealous. I didn't want to believe that. But for Zara coming here to call him?
I would have preferred I never got to see that.
What was their relationship anyway? Still lovers? Lovers without a purpose.
At least I was his…
Wait… he didn't use that word throughout our moment. He used it the last time. He used it on the greatest event—the Scarlet Ascension.
Why didn't he remember to use it?
And I was to accept him as my mate if not that I was sceptical because of Lila's long epistles.
“You're leaving?”
Of course I could see that.
He answered with just a nod, not even turning back to spare me another glance. My fingers clenched under the blanket. This was a possible and ideal way for those crazy feelings to start flooding my mind.
And the feelings came when he reached the door like he was abandoning me.
“Tristan?”
I was certain he didn't hear me.
But the feelings—being trash, haunted by parents’ death—were kind of different. Of course it was heavier than the last, but somehow, it was laced with a longing. Like a hole that needed filling.
I stepped out of the room.
My eyes could see Zara far ahead of me, ahead of me, Tristan between us.
Their steps had been slow. Too slow. Why was it that I could see them?
But they maintained this distance from each other, walking at the same place so no one got closer or further. I noticed something else about them—they hadn't said a word to each other. It was supposed to be strange?
“Tristan?” I called again.
The distance between us couldn't let him hear me.
I had a suspicion.
What if I needed to just hold him again, just a cuddle and this hollowed heaviness in me would disappear?
But it wasn't just that. I needed to see what they were up to. Who even gave me the freedom to leave my room to do a follow-up on the Alpha?
The gammas… I hadn't seen them around.
That didn't matter.
“Celine?”
Lila?
Before I turned back to look at her, she held my waist, pulling me back into the room closest to us, her room.
“What are you doing?” She shut the door stealthily.
“I don't know… I just wanted to…”
She took a view of me, sniffing me in while I stepped. “You did that with him, didn't you?”
I frowned. “Did what?”
“Don't lie to me.”
“I… I…”
Her hands were clasped at her sides, her skin pale. I wasn't good at this after all. I couldn't hide it. I guessed the pleasure was still painted on my face like a banner. As crazy as it was, I could still feel a little of his fluid in me.
“You had sex with him… tell me you didn't.”
“I did.”
She stepped back, releasing a deep sigh as she turned her eyes from me.
“I told you I was going to accept it,” I said.
“And was it all about accepting him or you were led by lust?”
“That… the hat could be part of it…”
She sat on the bed, shaking her head.
“Lila?”
Her eyes scanned me again, still shaking her head. “It's smelling all over you… after I told you not to.”
“But I told you I was going to accept my fate.”