Tim’s first time living on his own is becoming a challenge for me. From the sheer amount of clutter, I seriously consider grabbing a paper and searching the classifieds for another home. I’m baffled at our different approaches to housekeeping after growing up with the same rules.
"Addie," Sarah yells from the kitchen where she’s working on one of her concoctions.
Since moving in, Sarah ceremoniously takes over at least one different room each week, usually the kitchen to prepare new beauty products. In addition, one bedroom slowly transitioned into her room. It’s nice having someone around, especially someone who doesn’t reek of a gym locker. There are plenty of rooms in the house and I’m learning the pack shares everything.
The aromatic fragrant wafts through the house, "What is this," I ask nodding to Isaac who also moved in until heading back to the city.
Between the two siblings, I can't tell which one I like better. They have this natural gift of pulling out the best in people. I couldn't imagine my new life without them.
"Your mother inspired me," Sarah explains rushing around the kitchen, checking this, measuring that, marking this, "Vanilla," She says, her arms adding extra emphasis, "But not the usual vanilla. There is something rich in her scent, something almost sweet. It’s like candy mixed in vanilla."
She bounces from counter to counter as I try to suppress a laugh. It must be hard having that much creativity and not enough time in the day to get it out.
“When you’re done, I’ll mail her a bottle,” I comment, still angry that she packed her car and left right after Tim transitioned. She couldn’t wait for morning before trying get away from us.
"How have you been," I ask Isaac.
His schedule is random. It isn’t uncommon for Isaac to vanish for weeks at a time with no word to anyone. Sarah’s used to it, but I find it rather peculiar, especially when he’s hush hush about what he’s doing. Lately he’s been better about leaving a note.
"Been good," He answers, which seems out of character.
"Don't mind his reaction," Sarah replies with a scowl, "He decided to teach Sam a lesson."
Scratches cover his arms. Isaac's love for his sister is just as intense as his hatred for Sam. They might be friends away from the pack but here, they aren’t even on speaking terms.
"It's nothing," Isaac answers as his sister places her hands on his shoulders.
"This time, it had nothing to do with his dear baby sister," Sarah innocently voices with a wide smile.
Isaac turns away as Sarah makes kissy faces before returning to her concoction. I ignore the comment and save Isaac from Sarah’s torture.
"How have you been," Isaac asks rolling down his sleeves to cover the marks.
"Missing you on my runs," I answer as Sarah briefly glances up.
Isaac is one of the few older wolves that will run with me. It helps that his room is just down the hall making it impossible for him to escape my constant whining. When Adam is busy at work, Isaac does his best to entertain me.
"I promise I'll be around more often," Isaac states a sweetness in his voice that I seldom here from men, "There are some amazing paths deep in the woods that you wouldn't have been able to get to this winter. I'll show you."
“Sounds like a plan.”
“I need to stop by my store. I have to drop some of this off,” Sarah interrupts.
I follow her gaze to the mound of boxes in the corner. She really is taking over my house.
“We heading out,” My brother asks, grabbing his keys from the counter.
Isaac stares at the boxes before quickly shaking his, “I’m going to help Sarah.”
Tim eyes the boxes, “We can drop this off and hit up the bar next door.”
“Do you want to come out,” Tim asks.
“Sure, that sounds about right,” Sarah finishes, as she walks back to her potion, too concerned with the new product to pay attention to the conversation.
Tim might be under age but no one in town cares. They serve him just like every other member of the pack. It’s the same where we grew up. Everyone knew McCleary’s didn’t care if they served underage teens. The police didn’t get involves as long as no one drove home.
Sarah bubbles around the bar in one direction as Tim heads in the other. Isaac joins me at the bar, watching the extraverts have fun with the crowds. I’ve had enough attention over the past few months that I could use some quiet time.
“Is there going to be a fight tonight?”
Isaac’s brow furrows before nodding, “He’s being good lately.”
The nights out with Tim are becoming legendary. His need to prove his strength is going to get him seriously injured. Tim doesn’t know how to fight like a wolf but manages to drag Isaac into each one of his scuffles.
"Hey you," Sam whispers.
His eyes rack over me while his hand gently caresses my arm. Sam nods to Isaac before walking down the bar where a group of girls eagerly greet him. Isaac glares over the rim of his glass.
One more drink and I’m off my seat for the bathroom. Rounding a dark corner, a hand reaches out and grabs me. All inhibition vanishes as I let Sam pull me out a side door.
I should walk away but it’s so tempting that my feet refuse to inch away from him. Besides, it isn’t like anyone would mind if I do something with Sam. He’s nearly impossible for girls to resist.
“Do you use that trick often,” I ask allowing Sam to press me against the wall as his hands hungrily settle on my hips.
“It always works.”
His flirting skills are terrible but something about him makes me want to encourage every bad thought in my mind. I should make him stop. Instead of listening to my head, I let him continue. He talks, inching closer before his lips catch mine. I let him, tasting his essence as his body presses against me. My heart races as his tongue explores my neck. My nails grab into the muscles on his back as my breathing rushes out.
I need to make him stop. My mind tries to focus on Sarah. This would hurt her and she’s only a few steps away. Instead of stopping, my arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer to kiss that perfect mouth again. There’s no will power when Sam is around.
His hands explore the outside of my clothes, making me tremble as I think about what he’ll do when the clothes come off. His mouth moves down, trailing a line from my collar bone down to the exposed skin of my shirt.
Something yanks deep within, physically pulling me forward. It’s almost as strong as my bond with Tim. The feeling intensifies.
Since the start, this hasn’t felt right but I couldn’t stop. His mouth comes back to mine, vigorously trying to turn me on and I feel it. Actually, I don't feel it. I don't feel anything. That tug depletes my libido. This isn't just wrong; this isn't what I want.
"Stop," I tell, pushing him back before stepping away from the wall.
The cool night air clears my mind. Nothing about this is right. I can’t blame it on the alcohol. I know better. There’s something deeper and more powerful that’s making the decision to walk away.
"What's wrong," He asks, grabbing at my arm and trying to maneuver me back into position.
"No," I say pulling away.
Turning back, I don't see the gorgeous godlike man. It’s jarring to see a scar run above and below his right eye, across his lip and down his throat. How could I miss that until now? Looking at that malformed feature, proves that he isn't attractive or at least, he’s no longer attractive to me.
"I need to go," I say pushing past his hands and back into the bar.
Tonight gave me a gift that I desperately wanted. Sam has been on my mind day and night. Now there’s nothing. No flicker, no desire, nothing. I don't want him anymore.
Rounding the corner, I try not to appear guilty. It’s impossible. Everyone here must know Sam’s tricks and probably heard our entire interaction. How stupid could I be, with Sarah less than ten feet away.
Isaac’s eyes are on me when I return to my seat. His temper flares. I’ll take anger over any other type of judgement.
The guilt builds. Sarah lightly kicks my leg and joins us at the bar. She knows everything.
"Do you want to go to another bar," Sarah asks as Sam walks back through the side door.
He doesn’t seem jaded. Sam needs to win and I think I just fueled his desire to try harder.
I shake my head, being close to her feels wrong. Another bar will not help me out of this situation. I just want to go home.
Sarah leans closer, whispering in my ear, "I know what you did. I can smell him on you."
Pulling back, all I see is a smile plastered on her pretty little face. It’s impossible to keep certain scents a secret from a wolf, especially this wolf.
"I know you didn't do more than kiss Sam," Sarah whispers so low that no one should be able to hear, "I don't care.”
Squeezing me tight, she vanishes into the group surrounding Tim. Isaac continues to watch me.
“Will you be alright if I leave you here,” Isaac questions as Sam steps out the front door, “I need to sort out a few things.”
I’m hesitant to let Isaac go. He’s already off the stool before I have a chance to reply.
Isaac leans in, his tone changing, “I know you are single and I respect your choice, whatever it might be. Adam continues to help with your transition. I think at the very least, you owe him an apology.”
What did I do against Adam?
“Think Addie,” Isaac gently pushes.
Another scent surrounds the bar. Adam must have witnessed the entire thing. He warned me countless times about Sam. This adds another layer onto my guilt. I didn’t do any better than he predicted. He didn’t even walk into the bar. I’m sure that’s also my fault.
Isaac gives me a hug and leaves. Both Sarah and Tim are preoccupied at the back of the bar. Without saying anything, I rise and head out the front door.
Since I didn’t drive, I don’t have the option of a quick getaway. The walk to the house seems like a well-deserved punishment for tonight.
The only thing I really want to do is shower and get the stench of him off from me. I might remove a few layers of skin in the scrubbing process. It’s better to completely kill the smell compared to have it linger. Even burning the clothes might be in my best interest.
Inhaling deeply, the familiar scent washes over me. It’s a path, leading from the bars and growing stronger near the woods. The scent engulfs me, flooding the entire street as I reach the source. Stopping in front of a very large townhouse, I can only assume it belongs to Adam.
He mentioned having one in town but I’ve never seen it. Adam spends every night with me but there is a distinct line that separates what we share. His life outside of his responsibilities as the alpha are strictly off limits.
My feet move as my brain protests. What am I going to do? Am I really going to knock on the door and apologize for making out with Sam and then walk home? This plan keeps getting worse with each step I take.
The front door opens. With the way he’s standing, Adam could very easily slam it shut.
His eyes dance with amusement, flustering me even more, “Hey,” I say, my brain tries to figure out what I’m going to do.
Adam steps onto the porch, staring up at the windows before walking to the door, “Not going to try to climb the windows into the house?”
Definitely not the way I thought this would start.
“I’ll leave that to you,” I reply as he opens the door further, inviting me in, “By the way, the door is always unlocked.”
“Yea, using the door doesn’t seem as dangerous,” Adam answers leading me further into the building, “Plus your mom didn’t appreciate me coming over when she was there. I feel guilty using the door.”
“You feel less guilty climbing through a window?”
Adam tosses the idea around, “I feel younger. There’s excitement.”
My feet pause as soon as we are past the entrance. His townhouse is beautiful. He either has great taste or a budget for an interior designer. All the appliances and layout are very modern. Unique artwork and strange knickknacks are expertly placed. Everything is museum quality and reminds me of him.
It’s then that I realize I don’t know anything about him. We’ve never discussed his interests or hobbies. The closest we’ve come is him telling me he likes to run.
This brings up another important question, “Why do you continue to stay with me?”
I shouldn’t need a constant companion any more. My body’s healed. Without fail, Adam is always next to me when I go to sleep and wake up in the morning. Is it just to protect me?
“Would you prefer if I didn’t,” Adam asks, leaning against the counter.
His eyes watch me walk through his inner sanctum. I can’t tell if it’s painful but his jaw is tight as I explore.
I need to answer his question but I’m not sure how I should proceed. He’s the leader and I owe him so much.
“I just don’t get it. Why are you so nice to me? You’re even kind after what you saw tonight,” I answer feeling the color rise to my cheeks as I bite my lip to keep my jaw from trembling.
Tears appear in his eyes from his hearty laugh, "If anyone was betting, no one would take those odds," Adam answers through his laugh as he leads me to the living room, "Why did you stop yourself?"
My temper boils. I want to give a snarky response. At the same time, I don’t have a right. I’m here to apologize, not to make things worse.
"Did it feel off," Adam asks hitting the nail on the head, "That’s usually when girls realize that it’s no longer fun with Sam."
"Obviously but is there another meaning? I still went for it even after all the disgusting things you told me about him, and knowing how Sarah feels about him," I answer truthful.
"It can mean that you are finally done with carefree sex and ready to settle down permanently," Adam answers.
It takes a minute before I hear the mocking in his voice.
"Very funny," I reply as Adam laughs, "Sarah mentioned choosing. Is that why I don't see him as a sex symbol anymore," I mockingly ask and watch the strained expression on his face.
“She shouldn’t be talking to you about that.”
“Sarah was talking about herself but I don’t understand. What is it?”
Adam looks away, adjusting his thoughts before the intensity returns to his normal expression. He promised not to hide important wolf things from me anymore.
“Female wolves have the ability to build a bond with another wolf, like what you feel with Tim or me but more intense. It’s based on what a female seeks or needs in a partner from guidance, love, power, or something else entirely. It’s taken very seriously in our society.”
Exhaling, all he’s done is leave me with more questions. What’s the purpose? More wolf secrets.
Based on what he’s said, I’m a little hesitant to tell him everything about tonight. There’s still a nagging pain, slowly building and tethering me to something. As it grows, so does my fear.
Opening my mouth the words fall short, “Talk to Johnnie about bonding. He should council you on wolf matters.”
Johnnie is much better at explaining. Adam used to be but recently he’s started to jump through things too quick and I’m having a hard time grappling with the newer concepts.
“I honestly can’t take you seriously right now,” Adam randomly comments, “Do you want to take a shower.”
His eyes roll. I have to admit, I’ve never moved so fast in a single evening. First time at a boy’s home and less than five minutes later, straight to the shower. My mind goes to the gutter.
“I didn’t mean like that,” Adam clarifies, “There are plenty of clothes you can change into that don’t smell like Sam and Sarah keeps my shelves stocked. You are staying here tonight,” Adam continues leading me to the bathroom as he pulls out a towel, “I’m not driving you home at this hour.”
I could fight. I could pout until he gives in. Women sway all of his decisions but his house is much cleaner compared to Tim’s mess. I don’t want to leave or be thrown out of his little world.
The lights dim to a soft glow with Adam already under the sheets. A candle flickers on the nightstand helping me find my way around the unfamiliar room. If this is just being friendly, I wonder what he does when he’s trying to impress a girl.
“Would I know if I chose someone?”
My thoughts remain on the growing energy in the pit of my stomach.
“You should. The other person will feel as the bond forms,” Adam replies as I watch his smile in the soft light, “Do you think you chose someone? Did you think you chose me?”
My nervous little laugh won’t stop as I wonder if it’s still possible to walk home. There is a bond between us. It flows softly through each member of the pack since he’s the alpha.
My cheeks radiate as I try to turn away from Adam. He grabs, pulling me across the bed and turning me so he can watch my embarrassment unfold.
"You can be honest. I would make a great catch."
"Oh god," I say using my hands to cover my reddening face.
"I could see us now, enjoying breakfast by the lake," He comments as I pull the sheets over my head, "By that time, your mother would tolerate me. I might be able to use the door compared to climbing through the window when she’s around."
"Alright, I get it," I reply hitting him with a pillow. No more mocking wolves that are older than me, they’re better at the game than I am, "Has anyone chosen you," I ask wondering more about this strange process.
"One girl in the past chose me, but it was ages ago," Adam answers still hovering over me.
"What do you mean by ages ago?"
"We were probably your age, barely older than children. I didn't know what to do," He pauses reading the confusion on my face, "I felt the bond start to stitch us together. She did it out of love. I cared deeply about her but not in the way she needed. As a man, I can’t form a bond, but I can refuse. If she did it for power or protection, I would have left it alone. She wanted a spouse. Johnnie and my father severed the tie.”
"Where is she," I ask wondering about this mysterious woman and if I should be worried about spending every night with a man she once loved.
"Her family left the pack," He answers rolling to his back, "I haven't thought about her in years."
He stares at the ceiling, reminiscing on those old memories. There’s a glimpse of real happiness followed by sorrow before his natural barrier goes up.
“Can someone choose you again,” I ask still not understanding this strange custom.
Adam nods, “Multiple people can choose you.”
“Then what’s the point?”
“A girl chooses once. Most men are only chosen once. People aren’t looking for the same thing and, even if they are, they usually don’t find it in the same person. Warriors may form several bonds guaranteeing that they will protect those that are weaker than themselves. Outside of that, it’s usually just a onetime thing.”
“Has someone never been selected?”
“Johnnie.”
Johnnie’s never found a life partner. As the pack healer and the person everyone turns to for advice, I can’t understand how a woman never bonded with him.
“Don’t look like that,” Adam commands, “Johnnie was married. Choosing isn’t necessarily about finding a spouse and it doesn’t happen too often anymore. It virtually stopped after the white wolf left. Most the pack has never bonded.”
“Why did it stop?”
Adam shrugs, “There are theories. Most believe it can only happen if we are a full pack. Your line was notorious for bonding with advisers. That’s one of the reasons why everyone loved being under the white wolf. They actively sought out the best people to help them lead.”
“Well that seems simple enough. Does that mean I’m free to mingle with all the boys,” I ask feeling drowsy after the long night.
“Most of them have made their intentions known,” Adam whispers.
“Ahh, so that’s why all the boys have been flirting,” I mock as my heavy lids close.
“Not the ones that matter,” He whispers, fixing the sheets around me as I fall asleep.
#
A heatwave sizzles the small town, breaking every record in the books. Taking a page from the other wolves, I join them for a party at the lodge. The dock and a barge have been put out as music blasts across the lake.
The heat warms my skin as the barge moves up and down with each passing wave. My lids droop as the sun crisps my skin.
"I don't think your brother minds the attention," Sarah comments lying next to me.
Propping up on one arm, I watch at least a dozen girls flock to Tim as they laugh and find ways of caressing his skin. I’d expect nothing less as his arms wrap around the prettiest and pulls her in for a kiss.
"Nope, it's just like at home."
Sarah laughs before turning over, "It’s common at his age to have some fun.”
Laughter reaches us from shore but I keep my eyes closed to whatever Tim’s doing now, "Did Adam go through that phase," I ask remembering how upset he got defending himself.
"No, not that I remember," Sarah answers peaking up one more time, "He’s very careful with a woman’s heart. I’ve only seen him with a handful of girls."
"He got an attitude when I tried to make a joke about his past," I continue.
"I'm off," Sarah calls, standing and diving into the water before I can ask anything more.
The barge rocks as she emerges at the beach. The gaggle of girls welcome her to their fold. My brother walks over, laughing at a comment she made.
These women love to spend their time naked but at the beach, they’re wearing the latest swimsuit trends. It covers slightly more than if they were naked.
The enthusiasm for Tim makes me wonder what type of attention I’ll receive. Boys aren’t flinging themselves at me like the woman are with Tim.
"You and me alone," Sam comments soaking me in the frigid water as he jumps on the barge.
I spoke too soon. I already know what type of attention I can expect.
"Yep, alone," I reply understanding why Sarah jumped overboard in the middle of the conversation.
"We could continue where we left off the other night," Sam suggests moving closer.
How disgusting he’s become in such a short amount of time. Cuts line almost every part of him, showing that he’s had at least one recent altercation with Isaac or one of the countless other men that are tired of his attitude. Not wanting any part of him to touch me, I roll, plunging into the chilly lake and swim to shore.
"Is everything ok," Tim asks watching me emerge from the water.
I grab a towel before stomping from the beach. Tim knows nothing about the other night. It must be common for Sam to find something or kissing really isn’t worthy of gossip.
"He's just, ick," I respond walking past Tim and the gaggle of girls.
"Do you want me to do something," Tim asks, his chest puffs out.
"Nope, I can handle myself.”
I've known my fair share of arrogant males. This is one situation I can handle without help. I can thank my last relationship for that lesson.
Pulling the towel tighter, I start my trek to the lodge at the top of the hill. Isaac’s by himself. Straddling the bench. I join him, breaking his solitude.
"Are you enjoying yourselves," Susan’s silky, venomous voice asks.
"Always," I respond with a cheerful smile.
"Good, I wouldn't want you to feel like you don’t belong.”
Isaac follows Susan’s movements before turning back to the lake. I really want to hear what other people have to say about her but no one will be honest. Her power is absolute and so is her bite.
“How’s your arm,” I ask noticing a very deep cut running the length of his bicep.
“It will heal,” Isaac replies not even attempting to cover his wounds.
“I’m sorry” slips out before I can stop myself.
“You don’t need to apologize. Sam deserves what he gets.”
He continues to brood. Realizing that I can’t pull him out of his slump, I make my way back to the edge of the water. Everyone frolics as the freezing water raises goosebumps on my arms. Closing my eyes for a second, I inhale the crisp scent of the lake.
“You look cold,” Adam whispers draping a blanket over my shoulders.
He continues to hold the blanket in place. His arms wrap over my shoulders as I lean against him, feeling the warmth radiate from his body.
This life seems too easy. It’s peaceful and I’m a little jealous Adam had such a serene upbringing.
“Thank you,” I reply finally grabbing the blanket from his hands.
His continues to watch me, making my heart flutter at those long lashes. It’s amazing how quickly my mind returned Adam to the status of a Roman god. I trace the few inches out of the water compared to getting trapped in his gaze.
“Do you want to go get ice cream,” Adam nonchalantly asks.
“Oh, yes, ice cream,” Sarah answers appearing out of nowhere.
Adam’s mouth opens before staring into Sarah’s eager face. He nods and walks us to the lodge.
In a town without much to do, the ice cream parlor is one of the most popular spots during this heatwave. The owner is human but the respect he shows Adam makes me wonder if he knows the truth.
“You have a little just there,” Adam says as his thumb strokes the side of my lip.
His finger returns to his mouth, tasting the bit of ice cream that I missed. Everything freezes as my lips run together, savoring the flavor of his skin. There are boundaries but right now, they feel very shaky.
“Hey, stop that,” Sarah commands, smacking Adam on the forearm, “You don’t get to use your good looks or charm or your important eco-friendly company to impress Addie.”
“I protect her,” Adam replies as his long lashes cover the playfulness in his eyes.
“Oh, that’s protecting?”
Sarah beams before laughing. Heat rushes up my cheeks as I lick the ice cream to cool back off. Adam is my sworn protector but he flirts, sometimes. Flirting comes natural to him. There’s never a scent of another girl, proving his love life is just as bad as mine.
My cheeks burn but I meet his gaze. He’s amused and it’s all at my expense.
“I have some new potions to create, I bid you adieu,” Sarah says with a low bow before walking to her shop.
Adam and I continue to his car. There isn’t a discussion of staying at his townhouse. One night is all I get before Adam’s guard is back up and I’m banished from his home. It isn’t spoken but I feel like he’s gently nudging me into my place and it isn’t by his side.
“What’s the worst experience you’ve had as a wolf,” I ask rounding a corner.
“The worst,” Adam asks and receives a nod. Wrinkles protrude across his forehead as he thinks over the question, “The day my dad died.”
Adam rarely talks about his dad. No one in the pack says more than a few words related to his death.
“We were visiting another pack. It was a bad run over ice on Christmas,” Adam continues before pausing.
“I’m sorry.”
No one mentioned how Adam’s dad died. His experience is traumatic.
What a hard memory to keep. My dad died when I was so young that I don’t remember his battle with cancer. The machines are embedded into my memories more than any images of him.
“It wasn’t what you were expecting, was it,” Adam asks his arm slides across my shoulders, “Not everything in pack life is easy. As the last female white wolf, you will learn that soon enough.”
“What?”
“People expect you to lead. You will be put through the ringer as we test you for the position.”
Adam hears my gulp and stops talking. Everyone has such high ideals for my life. I don’t. I’ve spent my life craving adventure, not leadership. There’s zero desire to be in charge. All I want to do is travel and find what I’m missing.
“Are you sneaking through the window tonight,” I ask, changing the subject and breaking the cold silence.
“Of course,” Adam answers, “I’ll drop you at the door and then walk around back. I don’t know if I can use a door and casually walk into your bedroom at night.”
I shake my head before Adam drives me back to my house and as promised, scales the side of the building. I debate on locking the window in the future to see what he’ll do but I’m afraid that he might stop trying.
We’ve developed a routine. It’s almost as if we’re in a platonic relationship. Adam stays on his side of the bed with clothes on. At least until sometime in the middle of the night. Most mornings, one of us is wrapped around the other.
Sleep consumes me as I roll onto my side. The sheets rustle as Adam’s heavy arm wraps over me. There’s an extra layer of comfort that he’s usually careful to withhold as I nuzzle closer.