Chapter 358: What I did can't be fixed

Denalii POV

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please touch me. I don't know what's wrong with me bear." River grabs my hand and moves it to her cheek the cheek that had a bruise on it a few weeks ago caused by me. I pull away quickly like my hands on fire. The guilt everytime I look at her is unbearable.

"I can't!"

"Denalii!" My dad yells "Don't you turn away from her! She deserves better from you!" Pickle grabs River wrapping her in his arms.

"Dad what I did can never be fixed okay! No money or talking will fix what I did!"

"It can't be that bad son, everything is fixable. Love is forgiving and strong." He says.

"You don't even know what I did!"

"Then tell me! Tell her! I don't care who you tell but it's eating you up and I'm not letting you fall back in that black hole like before! Fix it!" He yells at me.

"You want to know what I did that was so bad?! Do you?" He tries to hug me but I push him from me.

"Let's not do this now okay." Pickle says.

"Yeah let's take a walk." Nate says looking from me to my dad to Pickle's face.

"No! Let's all talk about this! You want to know what I did! Fine I'll tell you!" I yell louder.

"Sheldon take Lucky and River out now please." Pickle says looking at me breathing heavy. He nods and pulls them both away with Kenny's help.

"Denalii don't fucking do this! This is private and we'll talk about at home once everyone has had time to cool down okay. Let's just get home to our daughter." Pickle says trying to calm me down. Well fuck him for always being the stable and reasonable one!

"Fuck you!" I push him.

"Denalii stop it now! We can do this later!" I push him again as he talks.

"Why cause you don't want everyone to know what I did?! You just don't want to admit how disgusting you are by me now. I can see it! I see everytime I try to touch her! I see it everytime you look at me!" I push him again. He just takes it.

"Denalii stop son please." My dad says he looks hurt and confused.

"I can't be trusted! I can't control my temper! I lash out at everyone!"

"That's just part of healing brother. I don't look at you this way because of what you did! I look at you this way because you've done nothing to make it better!" Pickle yells trying to pull me to him.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

"It can't be so bad that you don't deserve forgiveness son." My dad says looking at me like I'm his son, like I'm still a person.

"I FUCKING HIT HER!!" I scream in his face. He goes pale and he tears up.

"What!" Nate says looking at me. Pickle looks defeated like he just lost everything.

"Now tell me how I'm worth saving dad! I'll find my own way home!" I say grabbing my bag and walk out the door. Lucy reaches for me but pulls her hand back the last minute.

Pickle POV

I fall back into the chair behind me, my head dropping to my hands. I'm overwhelmed already.

"No.. that's not true. I fell. You told me I fell." Rivers voice makes me jump.

"Fuck!" I hurry to her.

"Kitten it's okay. Let's just sit for a minute."

"No! You lied to me? You lied?" She cries pulling away from me.

She shakes her head over and over "No! You don't lie to me.. that's how... how I know what's real or not.. you tell me! I trusted you!" She yells at me.

"Nate. Her pills please." I say feeling defeated. She's right. There's nothing for me to say or do she's right, she trusted me and I lied to her about what happened. I told her she fell, she's the one who assumed it was from drinking. They were drinking but it wasn't a fall. They were fighting like really going at it in each other's faces yelling and screaming at each other. Denalii was in a bad dark place that day. He had nightmares all night and had hardly slept, all he'd been doing was drinking. River woke up in one of her fight everyone about anything days and they just butted heads all day and with the drinking it escalated quickly between them.

They started fighting about how he should have just stay with her in the hospital and how she should have tried harder to talk to him. If he would have just talked to her instead of pushing her away then it would have been different. She screamed at him and was pushing him around I tried to stop it. I didn't want to hurt him so I tried to stop them a few times but she was throwing punches and calling him names. He finally asked her if she blame him for what her father did and she said no but then he asked her if she blamed him for Finn she screamed yes in his face and before I knew it she was on the floor. There was no excuse for what he did or what I did after. It took everything I had to not be him to death. He left and never came back, River was catatonic for two days after and I didn't know what else to do but lie.

"It's not true maybe I fell and it just looked that way. He wouldn't hit me and you don't lie to me." She looks around for a minute and I see it staring.

"Fuck! Nate now." He throws me her pills.

"Baby here take these." I hand her two pills.

She flings them from my hand "No. You can't just drug me. I didn't do anything wrong." She says looking around again.

"Where am I?" She yells as she stomps her foot.

"Baby come sit with me." I say reaching for her.

"No I'm mad at you.. I don't.. I'm mad!" She says looking around. Nate picks her up and brings her to me.

"Nathan, where did you bring me?"

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I need a minute." Lucas says kissing her head.

He squeezes my shoulder and I see the tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." She says taking my hand.

"Baby why are you sorry?" I ask her softly kissing her hand.

She looks around and blushes "I don't remember but it looks bad.. is everyone mad at me?"

"Hey sweet face let's go get a seat at the game table and the guys can join us later." Chailor says making me jump. She comes over and hugs me tighter then she ever has and it breaks me.

"I didn't notice how bad it was getting. I love you bubba and we'll help more. Even when you refuse or don't ask." Chailor kisses my cheek and wipes my face "We'll be on the plane take a minute to your self." I nod.