Chapter 343: With you by my side

Finn POV

I laugh till my gut hurts. This isn't as hard as I thought it would be, I've been worried about going back we both have and I'm not sure if it has to do with our feeling for each other and how they will affect our lives back home or if it's just from knowing how much our lives have and will change once we're back.

I have a whole family waiting. I have a daughter waiting. I don't know how to be a dad or a husband and they are already having a hard time what if me being back hurts more then helps. I don't want to hurt them during a nightmare, I don't want to lash out and be mean because I'm in a bad head space. All of the things I can do to fuck this up runs through my head.

"Come help me for a minute Finley." Lucky says.

I walk over to him "What do you need help with." Lucky sits and pats the pillow in front of him.

"Talk to me. I watched as the laugh fell from your face replaced with what ever sad or worried thought you found so talk to me."

I nod and look at him "I'm.. it's going...I don't want to be a bigger problem. You guys are barely getting settled and I'm going to come and shake shit up and make it worse." I say looking at Mumford as they load him back on the stretcher.

Lucky shakes his head "No you won't. Your our missing piece. We need you. She needs you. Sheldon needs you and that's all that's important, we'll work on all the other shit as it comes and for everything else we have a gym. It's great when violence is the only answer left. We've gotten pretty bloody in there." He says laughing now. "Trust me you belong at home with us." Lucky says reaching over and squeezing my shoulder.

"What if your wrong? What if I'm not ment to come back? I don't know how to be a dad or husband." I say to him.

"I'm hard headed and I'm never wrong! We've all had those feelings. Fuck I feel that way most of the time! I never thought I would do or be anything more then some ring fighter always haunted by my past. Then I met River and my whole world flipped upside down. The guilt I felt about having thoughts and feelings towards my brother's girl almost killed me but now I'm a dad and someone's boyfriend. I own a house and I have love in my heart. I get to wake up everyday and do what I can to keep a smile on a innocent little girls face and it's my job to keep her safe and to keep her happy. Brother trust me when I say once you see that look of love in their eyes you'll never have thoughts like this again. It's never easy but it's worth it every night when she leans up and kisses your face and tells you how much she loves you. We grew up completely different and that's something I never had or knew. I wasn't tucked in to bed at night knowing love and patience but I'll destroy the world before my daughter goes to bed even for one night sad or hurting. You have the parents we all wished for and honesty I idolize them. Everything I know and I've learned about being a parent or even being a good partner I've learned from them so your already more equipped to be a dad than we ever were going in and I can't wait to learn from you."

I wipe a tear from my cheek and nod "We did win in the parent department. I miss them." I say the tears coming faster now.

Lucky hugs me tight "Our lives are waiting on you to start. You will wake up one day and you'll barely remember all this darkness. Finley trust me when I say River and Annie are worth it."

I nod.

"Lucky do you really think they're going to let us back on American soil after all of this?"

"If they don't then we'll move to Mexico. We've all ready bought some land out there just in case."

Lucky laughs "We have planned for you. Finley you weren't ever forgotten or pushed aside everything we have planned and everything we have worked for only works with you by our side." Lucky says wiping his face as he stands he pulls me up with him. He hugs me tightly against him.

"Let's get this party on the road. I want you to be back in time to read our daughter her bedtime story over the phone it's my night and I'm gifting it to you." He says kissing my head.

"Thank you it would be a honor." I say wiping my face. I slowly walk over to Sheldon. My Sheldon. My hope, my savior, my everything. He alone knows my worries, knows my fears so for him I'd do anything.

"Are you ready?" I ask him kissing his hand.

"Are you?" He asks moving his hand to my burned cheek.

I lean down and kiss his mouth hard but slow. I gently push his hair from his face as I stand up straight "With you by my side, yes I am. Let's go home." I say squeezing his hand once more. I grab my pack and throw it on my back. Lucky looks at me for a second and then says "Are you walking for a minute?" I laugh and nod my head.

"Yes I'll walk for awhile but I'll also let you know when I need help." I say moving my hair off my forehead the sweat already starting to cling to it.

"Let's move!" Lucky yells with a whistle. He's a good leader and more serious then I would have thought.

After we've walked a few miles I finally ask Lucky for more details and more questions about what is really happening back state side.

"Oh god! We didn't know they send those videos to you guys. My god, poor River. I can't believe she watched that. Fuck!" I yell. I stop and fall to my knees. Lucky has the guys stop for a break.

"So she see them burn my face! Fuck!" I yell.

I throw up remembering the feel and the smell of that day. The way my skin stretched and pulled off my face. Then way Sheldon screamed as they took his hand. I throw up again.

Lucky hands me a water as Nate runs to my side.

"What do you need Spence?" He asks. I shake my head as the tears start falling.

"Finley!" I hear Sheldon yell to me. I turn and see his face. He's face stays in a firm position as he looks me up and down. He puts his hand out to me. I stand and walk with my head down to him.

"Breath brother. I'm right here just breath for me." Sheldon says squeezing my hand tight as he kisses it.