Chapter 30: Did I just ruin this?
River POV
He still doesn't say anything and I don't hear him moving off the bed so I continue to head towards the door just as I reached the door knob he finally speaks
"River, please don't leave" he says softly
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you everything, It's too soon and I don't blame you if you see me different now"
"River"
"It's okay Finn you don't need to say anything I'll be fine" I reply pulling the door open
"River, I'm right here just turn around please Doll" he says tenderly
"Look into my eyes and you'll see that nothing has changed" he adds
"Please just turn around love"
I slowly turn around
I have my head looking down at my feet as I turn
He slowly reaches down and tilts my chin up
"Please just look at me" he says with a broken voice
I look up into his eyes and I still see that same look that he gave me before but It still feels like I ruined everything
He reaches around me and gently pushes the door back closed
Then he takes a deep breath and says
"River can I hold you for a minute"
When I hesitate to answer he adds
"If you let me I will stop whenever you need me to or if you're not able to I will just stand here and hold your hands, I just want to comfort you"
I stare at him for a small second before I start crying
He still wants to touch me after all that
I don't see pity when I look in his eyes, I see something softer in them
My stomach is full of butterflies now
When he looks at me it's almost the same way Lincoln looks at Chailor
"I would really like to try that with you"
Now I'm blushing a bit as the warmth spreads down my body
I see a smile start to form on his mouth as he slowly pulls himself closer to me and wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into his chest
We just stand there like that for a few minutes
It feels so warm and I feel safe surrounded by his arms
It's almost the way I felt with his arms around mine last night
They feel tight around me but soft at the same time
like the tightness will protect me and the softness will comfort me
I start to cry a little but I try to keep it hidden because I don't want him to stop holding me like this, it feels normal like he was made to hold me
It's almost overwhelming but kinda in a good way
Other then Chailor I've never let anyone hold me like this and I don't want him to let me go
"Baby Doll are you okay do you need me to stop" I hear him ask
I shake my head slightly
"River are you sure, We can stop"
I take a deep breath and say "I'm okay and no please I don't want you to stop" he takes what almost sounds like a relieved breath when I tell him I don't want him to stop
I can feel his arms tighten slightly around me
I pulled back just enough so I can look him in the eyes as I say "Is it okay if I try something with you?"
As I ask the question I immediately start blushing with embarrassment
"If you keep blushing like that doll, you can try anything you want with me" he says with a flirty smile
That damn dimple...
How can anyone resist that dimple, it's really not fair
Slowly I reach up, putting my arms around his neck and gently pull his face towards mine and I kiss him
I love how soft his lips feel
How tingling and warm it makes my body feel
He let's out a few soft sighs
They make me nervous but in a warm tingling way
I'm just enjoying our time together I'm not trying anything crazy or passionate just yet, just a kiss
Soft and slow
Exploring each other's mouths
Taking our time
I hold my lips to his for a few seconds longer before I pull back
I'm breathing a little heavy I'm not sure if it's excitement or because I'm terrified, my heart is pounding but I feel okay
I feel great actually
I feel like maybe I want to do that again with him
"Are you ok?" He asks as he puts his hands on my cheeks and tips my face up to his.
He's softly caressing my cheek with his thumb
"Yes I think I am" I stand on my tip toes this time and pull him in for a another kiss
This time he pulls me in against him tightly and slowly starts to deepen the kiss
He's super gentle but a little more eager or maybe a little encouraging
I have full on butterflies in my belly and I feel warmth and tingling throughout my entire body now and I don't want him to stop
I need him to touch me more
As if he knows what I need
He then starts to slowly move his hand down gently caressing my neck
I let out a small moan
I can feel the blush rolling over my face
He responds with his own groan
This sends my body into overdrive
I'm over heating and I don't want his hands to stop touching me
He slowly letting his fingers trace down my side to my hip finally resting there then he lightly starts caressing the small amount of skin that was revealed when I raised my arms around his neck
As soon as his fingers touch my bare skin
I can't stop as a soft moan leaves my lips
I need to be closer to him
I try to pull myself up on my toes so I can feel closer to him, closer to his body
He let's out another moan of his own
He pulls me tighter into him like his afraid I'll disappear