Chapter 29: We all have our shit River's story
River POV
As I sit on Finn's bed with him
I'm just holding both his hands with mine
It feels so strange to do something so simple
I can feel butterflies fluttering in my stomach at the touch of his hand
I can't decide to look him in the eyes or keep looking at my hands
I can't decide how to begin
Where do I even begin
Before I start to tell him my story I take a few breaths in and out and I look down, ashamed to look him in the eyes while I tell him
"Okay" I take another few deep breaths in and out
"I guess I could start at the very beginning"
"You're in a safe place Doll take your time, I'm not going anywhere" he says sweetly, he then gently tips my chin up to meet his eyes
Every time I look in his eyes my body shutters and I can't breath
How can I feel this way about someone I just met
I'm scared he'll never look at me the same after this
"Okay" I say again
"When I was 7 my dad came home from work, the casino or the bar I never really knew"
"Angry, he was always angry
This night he was even angrier then I've ever seen him"
"My mom made us wait for what felt like forever for my father to get home before we could eat dinner"
"I'm not really sure what happened cause I only remember bits and pieces of what happened that night but long story short I'm pretty sure my dad beat my mom and my older brother Ryder to death that night. They have to be dead, because I never seen them again"
"I watched as he beat my brother for protecting me"
"I'll never forget the sounds his fists made slamming down on Ryder's body"
"I was left alone with my father and I was beaten, tortured and tormented till I was 15"
He just gives my hands light little squeezes every once and awhile
"Things got really bad at 15" I let out a deep breath
"When I was 15" I try to start again
I have to stop for a minute, he takes this time to reach over and grab the tissue box and gently hand me one
When he returns his hand back to mine he
softly grazes his thumb across the inside of my wrist
This gives me some reassurance to continue
"If you need to stop we can baby doll"
"No I can do this" I say out loud but it was meant more for me then him
"I don't remember every detail about what happened just nightmares, things I learned from police reports or flashbacks I've had"
I take a few breaths
He just keeps making circles around my thumb and the top of my hand
It oddly helps, it distracts my mind a little
"I came home from school and my father and another man were there waiting"
I take a few needed deep breaths before I can continue
"My father had sold me to the man to cover his outstanding casino debt"
I can feel him tense up a bit but he gives me a soft look but I can still see the anger building in his eyes
"The guy raped and tortured me for a few hours before my elderly neighbor Mrs. Jones heard my screams and called the police. They think she got worried I would die before the police arrived so she went to my house to try to help me and my father beat her to death before escaping"
I'm full on sobbing and shaking now
He puts his arms gently around me trying to steady my trembling body
"I was in a medically induced coma for two weeks, then It took another three weeks for me to wake up" I say between sobs
The whole time he hasn't taken his eyes away from mine or removed his hands
This makes me feel safe
"I was in the hospital for eight weeks total. I can only remember the first part of the school year but nothing about the four months before the attack"
I close my eyes as the tears fall more steadily now
"My father has never been found and the guy Stan Zunker killed himself in the front yard when the police tried to take him into custody"
"Fucking coward" I hear him say under his breath
I'm sobbing fully now but I'm proud of myself I did it
I feel tension in his hands when I finish
He gives my hands a little squeeze and gently swipes the tears from my face
When my crying has mellowed he lifts my chin back up so we're face to face and eye to eye again
I can notice what look like flashes of anger running through his eyes and face but he tries to keep it hidden.
There's so much emotion going through his eyes that it overwhelms me and I start crying faster and harder again
After a few minutes of us just staring face to face as I'm crying
Not moving
Not speaking
I start to panic
Finally I pull away
"I'm sorry you probably think I'm disgusting and broken now I shouldn't have ever told you"
"I'm sorry "
Quickly I get off the bed and try to head to the door
I pause about half way there
He still doesn't say anything and I don't hear him moving off the bed so I continue to head towards the door just as I reached the door knob he finally speaks