Chapter 28: We all have our shit. Finn's story
Finn POV
"Okay I'll start"
"I joined the military right after my 18th birthday knowing that I wanted to go into the Forces.
Basic took 9 weeks we only had a few days before we got our assignments and then we shipped out for 18 months"
"It was hard at first being away from home especially away from Lincoln we hadn't ever spent much time apart before then"
"Lincoln and Chailor had only been out on a few dates at that time so I didn't get to meet her until after basic" I smile
"Lincoln brought her with him to my graduation ceremony"
I smile remembering the look on his face as he introduced her
"I instantly knew by the look in his eyes that he had found his forever person, and well you know how she is. She instantly hugged me and I knew right then she was made to be by his side"
"It made me feel a lot better knowing that he had somebody to go through my absence with that he wouldn't be alone. I knew she would take care of him if anything happened to me"
I say quickly as the emotion starts boiling up
I quickly clear my throat
"Anyway so right after basic we got our assignments and I shipped out for 18 months"
"I can't really go into a lot of details about my assignments over there but during that time I lost my closest friend and teammate Jordan after he was shot, he died in my arms"
I clear my throat and try to clear the tears gathering in my eyes
"His first name is Kendrick but we all go by our last names in the military"
I say remembering his doofy smile
"We were close almost like brothers we went through basic together and then we're sent on assignment together so we spent 13 months together. It was the first time either of us had been away from home. We were together everyday till the day he died"
I tell her trying to hide my emotions
She reaches out for my hand and lightly squeezes it
I looked down at her hand and look up into her eyes
What is going on with this girl, I can't fall for her
I don't even know why I telling her all this
I've never told anyone this shit
I know if I fall for her I won't be able to leave her
She notices me looking from our hands to her face and quickly pulls her hand back
"Sorry, if that wasn't okay" she says quickly
"No, you're fine doll of course that's okay" I say back with a brief smile
Then I continue
"Losing Jordan really messed with my head, it got really rough after that I had a lot of night terrors and flashbacks that just really hit me really hard"
"I had a few other good friends that tried to help me through it, one night when I was having a night terror and I accidentally beat one of my friends Burks. It was pretty bad but luckily he can take a punch" I say with a chuckle
"I think you two would get along, maybe when we get back from this tour we can all hang out"
"That would be nice, I would like that" she says
"Can I ask how long you'll be gone this time?"
As I look in her eyes my stomach does a flop and I can't get my mouth to move for a minute almost like I don't want to ruin this and tell her how long I'll be gone
I take a few quick breaths
"Yes, I'll be gone for 25 months give or take" I say sadly as I look into her eyes
She seems nervous and now a little sad
I want to reach over and pull her into my arms, I want to spend all the time I have left with her in my arms but it won't be fair to start anything up when I'm only here for a short time
I take a deep breath as I try to shake the sadness from my voice
What are these feelings that I'm having for her
I need to get them out of my head
I start to look away from her but then she asks
"If somebody wanted to write you a letter would they be able to?"
"I mean yes and no it really just depends on our assignment"
"We can definitely have people write to us they could also email or send a video message"
"We just might not be able to receive them or check our emails very often, depending on our assignments"
"Sometimes if it's safe to they'll send the letters to us if not they just keep them until we're getting ready for leave" I say
"Could I write or email you sometime?" She asks softly
"I would really like that" I say
"Just remember I might not be able to write back right away or send them out but it would be really nice to get a letter or email from you" as I say that our eyes meet and we just hold each other gaze for a brief moment until she blushes and turns her eyes away
I never realized how sexy blushing could be on a woman till now
Now I want to do anything and everything I can just to see that look on her face
"That's okay, even if you don't get them till later I just want you to know that someone is thinking of you" she says
I just can't help myself after that
I reach over and caress her cheek and slowly pull her in for a kiss
Our lips touch briefly, then I hear a slight gasp from her as she pulls away
Well fuck did I just mess this up
I look at her eyes
What if she doesn't feel what I'm feeling and now I just missed everything up
"I'm sorry River, I just thought that maybe you felt something too"
She then looks at me sadly with tears in her eyes and says "It's not you Finn it's really not, I'm just messed up" she then closes her eyes
I watch as tears start falling down her cheek
Damn it, way to go Finney you just kissed a girl and made her cry great job asshole
"River, I'm so sorry"
"Please don't cry" I say to her as I tip her chin up
When she opens her eyes she reaches over and takes both of my hands holding them tightly.
"Finn, can I tell you a little about my story" she asks sadly
"Please doll I would like that" I add
"I only want you too if you're ready and comfortable with it"
I look down now remembering that she's still holding both of my hands tightly in hers
Her touch is giving me a warm feeling and as much as I want to deny it this woman has me wrapped around her finger and it's going to kill me to walk away from her in a few short days