Chapter 11: Moving on cont
River POV
My graduation was one of the best night of my life and I got to celebrate it with my favorite people
The best thing about being 18 and being done with school is that I can finally make my own decisions
I'm finally done being passed around to different households and different people
I don't have to ask for permission before I make a decision, I get to decide what is best for me
I finally get to decide how I'm going to live my life and I'm finally on my own and it's the best feeling in the world
Calie of course is a steady, constant person in my life
She has become a surrogate mother to me and I can't imagine my life without her
We video chat and talk every night on the phone
I also have my bestfriend Chailor and her boyfriend Lincoln who I met two years ago when I started working at Young's Steakhouse & Bar
Me and Chailor hit it off immediately she quickly became like a sister to me
I quickly fit into the family as my boss/co owner Frankie puts it
He's the sweetest
He's always looking out for me and checking on me
He's about 5'5 with a Italian accent
When he's angry at a customer or at one of the employees he'll start yelling in Italian
Which just makes me laugh, he kind of reminds me of the character Mario from Mario and Luigi
He likes to tell us "dad jokes" he finds them hilarious which makes us laugh with him
He gave me the most beautiful graduation card as well as $1000 to help me get on my feet
He's the sweetest guy, and I have started to look up to him as sort of a father figure
Chailor is a year older then me and she too spent a few years in foster care after her parents were killed in a car accident
She got lucky though and was able to stay in the first foster home she was placed in till she aged out
Chailor is fiery and stubborn in every sense of the word and she has the bright red hair to prove it
She's funny and fights for the people she loves more fierce then anyone I've ever seen
We've been through a lot together in our short time like bouts of depression and PTSD
She always pushes me to go to my appointments and to get out of bed when I just want to hide away
She's really helped me a lot she's become my number one supporter
Most the time I'm okay but there's times when a certain smell or a sound will just floor me and I'm
just left paralyzed frozen in fear
She's really the only one able to help me through those moments
There's also little things that can set me off like stress, something new that's happening or even small changes can really throw me and send me into a spiral
I'm a fucking mess still for the most part but I don't think I would have survived if it wasn't for Calie, Chailor and Lincoln
Their my rocks and I couldn't survive without them in my life
Chailor's boyfriend Lincoln Spencer is by far the best man I've ever met in my whole life
He has quickly stepped into the role as my big brother and by big I mean big brother towering at 6'2 he's massive compared to my 5'2 and even to Chailor's 5'4
Lincoln is always looking out for me and keeping the "Will never be good enough for you" men as he puts it away from me
Not that I have dated very much, It's still really hard for me to get close to anyone or let anybody touch me
I've been on a few dates with a few guys but it never turned into anything serious
Once they find out I'm not willing to just have sex with them they usually just stop talking to me
Most men I've dated never make it past the third date anyway, sometimes they're scared of Lincoln and Chailor and their threats to do them bodily harm if they hurt me but most of the time it's because I'm not willing to have sex with them or anybody right now
I tried with one guy once but it didn't turn out very well
I started crying and shaking as soon as our make out session turned more heated and handsy
I ended up being a trembling, screaming heap in the corner of my room
Lincoln almost killed the poor guy after he heard me screaming and found me crying in the corner
The poor guy couldn't get out of our house fast enough then he pretty much ghosted me but I mean I can't really blame him
My therapist just tells me that I'm not ready and when I am I'll know it and there's no rush that one day
I'll get there
I don't think that day will ever come
I'm a just a huge mess and I don't ever think I'll be able to be with someone like that
Lincoln's only two years older then Chailor but he has worked hard to fast track his life
He even graduated high school early just so he can start college sooner
Chailor always jokes and says he's like an old soul
He has always known the plan for his life, he wants to be a lawyer and his goal is to eventually work at father's firm and make partner one day, that has always been his dream.
Where me and Chailor are more of the go with the flow we'll figure it out as we go type people
I have no clue what I want to do with my life yet
He did talk Chailor into doing a couple of college classes though and I wouldn't have made it through high school without his help
Right now Chailor is interested in doing something in hospitality management or culinary management and maybe owning her own restaurant one day
Me I have no idea maybe one I'll find something I want to do but right now I'm happy where I'm at
I love working at the restaurant
I love meeting new people every night
I love the people i work with and everyone there has quickly become like my little piece of salvation my little pieced together family
I've never had any real family before and I'm not willing to give them up anytime soon