Chapter 10: Moving on

3 years later

River POV

3 years, 6 foster home and 4 group homes later and I am finally free. I'm finally 18.

Foster care wasn't always bad, the first few were pretty nice and sweet. I actually liked them, it was strange at first watching how normal families were with each other. Took some getting use to that's for sure. It was hard for me to get used to sleeping in the actually bed and not under it. Even longer before I understand that not everyone who's mad will beat or hurt me. I was a mess, I'm still a mess but a mess in progress as my therapist puts it.

I just think I got to be too much for some of them between the nightmares, the appointments or my whole fucked up situation. It was really rough that first year. Hell I feel for the poor families that had my the first few months.

The first few months were the worst for me and for them, I mean my dad is still on the run and that alone scared alot of them, I know it scares me. I'm still scared all the time that he might find me.

There was a few that you can tell right away they were in it for the money so when I turned out to be more than they bargained for, most of the time they had me removed. That was fine with me cause they mostly weren't very nice anyway. A few I was happy to leave. One lady was nice she taught me how to clean and do my laundry.

There was one home I was in where there was an older boy not much older just a year or two. He was always trying to flirt with me and always saying nasty things to me. I found him in my room a few times just watching me. I hated it there. I hated him. He scared me and the parents never did anything about it. He tried to get handsy with me one time and backed me into a wall, I had a PTSD episode and punched him in the face then I ran into the kitchen got a knife and locked myself in the pantry.

It took my caseworker and my therapist three hours to get me to come out. I don't remember most of it just what me therapist has told me.

They tried to say it was a misunderstanding and I overreacted but thankfully my therapist seen through it and she had me removed immediately.

The group homes were mostly shit, but I did meet some people who are pretty cool. I made a few friends but nothing that lasted long.

I just kept my head down and threw everything into my school work so I can get caught up and at least graduate.

I wasn't able to go back to my old school because they feared my dad would find me or the PTSD would be too much for me to handle

I talked to Reese a few times but she was kinda different towards me and then on our last call she said her parents didn't want us talking any more because they feared for her safety. I missed her and thought she was my friend but trauma changes things and I get that but it still hurt.

I moved cities a few times first to Paradise and then to Henderson, where im at now. I love it Henderson and I've decided to keep Henderson as my home for now.

I have an amazing job and I work with some amazing people.

I've been working at Young's steakhouse and bar for two years now and I love it here.

My memory still pretty much sucks. We work on my memory book and go over anything that I've dreamed every week at my therapy appointments.

I've never got all my memories back and they say I probably never will.

I'm still working through everything with my new therapist, still writing everything I remember or dream in my journal. Remembering even the small things will help with my recovery or at least that's what I'm told.

I still get flashes or nightmares and sometimes a smell or sound can bring back a memory that was lost. It's overwhelming when it happens, the sudden ones are the hard ones, they just paralyze me in fear.

When I first started here somebody dropped something in the back and it just brought me back to the attack, the sound of Miss Jones's head slamming on the floor.

I instantly dropped, crawled and hide as far under the bar as I could and pulled my knees to my chest and hide my face and cried. I throw up all over my self and the floor. It was a great first impression to make on my first week.

Everybody was super understanding and sweet about the whole thing, they know that I was attacked and removed from my home but nobody but a few people know the details. That horrible incident did do something great for my life at least, that's the night I met my new best friend Chailor. She's the most amazing person I've ever met and I'll be forever thankful for meeting her she changed my life and continues to change it for the better every day.

My life so far has been nothing but adjustments and me trying to rebuild and make a new life for myself it's been a challenge but at least now I don't have to do it alone. I have friends now, real friends who help me and want me to succeed in rebuilding my life.

Right now I'm loving where I'm at.

I love the people I surround myself with and for the first time I can't wait to see what the future brings. I actually have plans for the future. I have things I want for myself and I won't ever let anyone bring me back to the point that I have to fear for my life.