Chapter 38 Swirling Doubts
I was surprised when James came in around 10 with a box of chocolates, a bouquet of seasonal flowers and gave me a kiss. He looked like the boy I fell for. When things were sweet and there was no pressure for sex... And then I would never have believed this guy would even think about cheating on me.
"Jo, what happened to your face?" he asks, looking over my bruise and a few scratches. He winces as he traces the slap with gentle fingers.
I'm not sure why he even asked. He knows exactly what Beth is like... I think it's Beth that has his parents not sure if we are a good match or not. They keep telling him that I'm not worth it, and I have to admit that hurts. They've met me, and I've never done anything to make them think so little of me.
I wonder if they pushed him into cheating on me... Would they still condone it if he married me? Do I even want to deal with dismissive in-laws? Would they care if I suddenly got the urge to cheat on James? Or is it only their precious son they are worried about?
"Beth," is the only thing I say. What else is there to say? That she called me a whore because I barely had the money to pay for my sister's medical bills? That I really could've used his help last night? That if we'd been married by now I wouldn't have this damn bruise on my face? He never actually seems to think any of this stuff is important, and he acts like I'm overreacting.
And the worst part is he doesn't look that concerned about it. Every look on his face looks fake! Why is there this part of my mind telling me that he doesn't care as much as I need him to. Does he even love me? Why is he even here if he doesn't love me? I hate this doubt I've been feeling about our relationship!
"I'm sorry, baby. We'll figure it out," he promises with a soft kiss on my cheek. "Soon you won't have to worry about your aunt! And we'll finally be together."
"Thanks James," I give him a weak smile. I don't know what he was expecting, but that probably wasn't it. Well, what the hell did he want from me?
He keeps saying that. 'We'll figure it out,' 'I'm sorry, baby,' or 'we'll make it better soon,' and I'm starting to wonder if 'soon' really means 'never'?
He didn't stay very long, he just said he stopped by because he was thinking about me. Which is sweet. It means he's trying, right?
I take one of the chocolates and stuff it in my mouth and chew slowly as I get back to work. While my mouth is busy chewing, my mind is spinning out of control.
As much as I love the chocolate, it doesn't seem to be helping this strange sensation in my chest that is telling me maybe he isn't enough. But I want him to be enough. I want to believe that I can live with this... unsettling feeling if it means we will be safe.
Can people live happily even if they settle for... less than what they want? I have no idea what it is I actually want, but I know I don't want to be stuck with man with a reputation for cheating. Is it true what they say 'once a cheater, always a cheater'?
The chime of the bell over the door brings me out of my stupor, and I blink as I see Rick glaring at the red mark on my cheek. He doesn't say anything as he makes his way to me, looking over scratch and bruise like they personally offended him.
"Rick... what are you doing here?" I whisper, not sure why I'm feeling... this fluttery feeling that seems a lot like happiness.
"Josie. Marry me," he states, stepping forward, cupping my face in his large hands. "I can take you away from Beth. I can keep you safe. You and your sisters will be protected. I can take care of all of you financially. You won't have to work unless you want to! Just marry me," Rick whispers, swallowing hard.
I can see the shock in Hailey's eyes and the smile that spreads across her face.
"I'll let you two have some space," she says kindly, as she takes one of the bouquets into the back room to finish.
Richard pulls me into his arms and looks down at my face. I don't see the smug look he gave me when we were younger. He actually looks broken.
"Please, little dancer. Marry me," he insists.