Chapter 158 Waking
There is a heaviness pressing down on me. A smell that feels like waking up surrounded by sunshine and love. There's a tingling on my skin where he's pressing sweet wet kisses.
I can hear him. But the sound is all wrong. It's not that gravelly voice he uses to greet me when I wake up. There is no teasing in his voice when he is feeling playful. I don't hear the lust dripping from his voice when he's getting ready to pounce on me.
No. It's none of those things. It's so much worse than any of that, and I don't even understand it right now.
He's crying. Sobbing. Begging me to tell him what he can do to fix this. He's asking me why I did it... Why I didn't tell him...
But I'm not really sure what he means. What exactly is there to fix? And just what the hell did I do to make the man I love sob like a child?
I wish I had the answer and I could tell him I'm sorry for... whatever it was. But for some reason, I can't seem to remember anything right now. Maybe I'll remember when I open my eyes?
My head is all floaty right now, and there is a minor headache pulsing behind my eyes. I want to open them, but they feel too heavy. I think I just need to keep them closed for a little while longer... At least until I can remember... something.
It's nice here... in this empty space where there is no pain and no worry. I'd like to stay here for a little while longer... But, actually, I'm not really sure where I am.
The only thing I know is my poor boy is crying and I can't stop it. Not from where I am. I want to reach him, but I feel like I'm stuck up in a tower and he's back there on the ground. He can't even see me!
I can't see him either. All I can do is hear his cries. And it's breaking my heart. I didn't mean to make him cry. I really do want to make it better, take away his pain... But I'm not really sure how to at the moment.
I can feel his head pressed against my tummy. He's whispering promises, soft and sweet, promising he's going to help Mommy get better.
Mommy... That word rings out loud and clear. And it also triggers a small memory...
My fingers find their way through his hair on their own. It's thick and cool to the touch. It feels like silk under my fingertips.
"JOSIE?" He startles. He reaches up to my face and cups it in his palm, touching me like he's never touched me before. "Sweetheart?"
I blink my heavy eyes. The room spins momentarily and I blink again, hoping the world will suddenly right itself.
But they instantly find those red-rimmed blue eyes I love so much. I think this is the saddest thing I've ever seen. Why is he crying so much? Why does he look like the whole world has just crashed around him and there is no one left to lift his pain?
"Hey," I whisper. Why is my throat so sore? I feel like I swallowed sandpaper.
"Baby! You're awake!" he sits up before placing butterfly kisses across my face. "Josie, I love you so damn much! Why the hell did you try to leave me?" He murmurs across my skin.
He nuzzles my face like I'm the most precious thing in the world. I can feel his tears leak onto my skin. I want to wipe them from his face, but I'm so damn tired, and my body weighs a million pounds right now.
But my fuzzy brain latches on to one thing he said.
Leave him? That doesn't make any sense! I would never leave him! I was going to marry him... Wasn't I?
What is he talking about? Why can't I remember anything... Flashes of memories float around in my mind, but none of them make any sense, and I don't even know if they are in the right order.
I groan. That headache I was feeling earlier? Yeah, it just got fucking worse. I need to figure out what he's talking about without messing up my head.
"Rick... what are you talking about?" I rasp.
Rick blinks at me with shock clearly written across his face. Now he's searching my face for answers, and I'm not even sure what answers he needs!
"Little Dancer, what do you remember?" He chokes out, very carefully looking me in the eye. He's speaking to me slowly, like I can't understand him.
Well, I guess that's fair because I really don't. Not right now. I need to know what he's talking about... What can I remember?