Chapter 157 Sorrows
What I don't regret is finding her again. That day I accidently walked into Wild Blooms, seeing a ghost from my past look up at me with questions in her eyes she didn't even know how to ask. She didn't know where she recognized me from, and I wanted to keep it that way as long as possible. It would make it easier for her to forgive me.
I don't regret showing Josie what a fucking bastard James was. I had it all planned out. I knew where he and his toy were before I walked into the shop and asked her to come with me. I knew what it would do to her to see him with another woman. I had hoped he wouldn't get a chance at forgiveness. He didn't deserve it, and it didn't last long anyway. So, what was the fucking point?
I don't regret asking her to marry me. That was the best decision I've done in my whole fucking life! Yes, it was purely selfish! But she was happy too!
Marrying me would take her away from her abusive Aunt and asshole husband. It would also get rid of any chance James had at getting back with her. She wouldn't have to worry about paying bills and taking care of her sisters all alone. I was going to be there for her every damn step of the way! I still am!
I don't regret fucking her like she's the air in my lungs. She's my everything! If I didn't have her, I don't know if I could survive! How the hell do men live when their wives die? I don't think I could!
Maybe they live for their children, but it won't help me! My child hasn't even been born yet. If the mother dies, so does my baby. I'd never get the chance to watch it grow and live...
She's carrying my baby now. I don't regret that either. It has made me the happiest man on earth... Until she tried to take away my happiness.
And I know! I shouldn't put that on her! She was trying her best, and I guess that wasn't good enough. That's what fucking hurts the most.
I should have married her by now. I should've marched her right to the damn courthouse and signed the fucking papers the second I put the ring on her finger. We didn't need a huge wedding! It could've just been her and me, and it would've been enough!
Enough to put all those bitches in their place, and James and Dean to know they were too fucking late to lay a hand on my little dancer.
I'm so glad Dean never knew about the baby. I have no idea what the hell he would've done to Josie, but I know I would've lost my child. And that would make him a murder.
I wasted too much time. Too many days waiting for the right time. For her to be ready. For her to pick a damn date when I could've just told her "Get in the car. We're getting married!"
I don't know what the hell my father put her through, but it was enough for her think the only option was to leave me. Is this karma kicking me in the ass? When I finally find the woman I've always wanted, she was almost taken away from me because I didn't appreciate her like I should've?
I place a soft kiss over her belly. I nuzzle my scruffy cheek against her skin. I know there is no way in hell I could hear it, but I swear there is a tiny heartbeat in there trying to connect with me.
Tears are streaking down my face soaking down to her skin. Each one a symbol of everything I've regretted, and a promise to start over and make things right.
"Josie, why did you do this? Baby, I swear I would do anything to help you through this," I choke out against her belly. "I'll be better. I'm going to fix everything. We can work this out. Just fucking tell me what I need to do so I don't lose you again!"
I have no idea how long she will be sleeping. The doctor didn't seem to give me a timeline. Just whenever the drugs are out of her system and when she seems to want to wake up... That could be ages.
But I have no intention of ever leaving her side again.
The doctor told me she will be transferred to the psych ward when she wakes up. And I'm going to be there with her until they say she can come home.