Chapter 16: Restless And Uncertain

Mag-isang umiinom sa bar malapit sa condominium si Isaac. It was already one in the morning, yet he was there, sitting with bottles of beer, feeling restless and perplexed. What was happening to him? Things seemed to be going out of hand, and he should not allow it to go on. His mind drifted back to his bedroom. Belle was probably still sleeping like a child. He loved seeing her serene face whenever he woke up in the middle of the night. He would caress her face and steal a few kisses. He loved that feeling like a teenager not wanting to be away from his crush. He was already his girlfriend, and he felt tingly whenever he thought about it. That was what he felt when he first saw Frances, his first girlfriend, the one he thought he would spend his whole life with. He seemed to be floating on cloud nine whenever he was with her. And he was so sure, she was the one for him. But she crushed him into pieces. On the night he planned to propose, she rejected him because she realized she was not ready for a future with him. In short, they broke up, parted ways, and never saw each other again.

Maybe they were too young then. But he knew that changed him forever. He promised himself never to get lured into that trap again. Women wanted him for all that he represented- wealth, power, and maybe his physical appearance. That was why he hated it whenever Belle would tell him how perfect he was for her. He hated himself for agreeing with her. And that made him more scared because he knew she was slowly gaining the upper hand. She was getting power over him so everything had to stop as soon as possible. The image of Frances flashed on his mind again. Where was she? Was she still thinking about him? He, too, was still thinking about her. Mahal pa ba niya ito? Hindi niya alam. Maybe he ought to talk to her again because he could not help but feel guilty. He was sure Belle loved him. He heard her one morning whispering while staring at him. Man, he wanted to punch his face because he knew he could not give her more. He wanted to be with her everyday. But that was it. How about love? To hell with love. He would have to talk to Belle and end this charade.

Doon pa lang ay naninikip na ang dibdib niya. How could he hurt the one who gave a lot of things to him? But it would be unfair to her if they continued. He could not offer her anything no matter how much time she would give. She deserves someone better, not him. He liked her, wanted her, desired her. She always made him happy and content with everything he had. But he guessed, it was still not enough for him to reciprocate her love and marry her. But why did it seem that he would run out of breath if he would not see her again? Maybe it was guilt and shame. Maybe it was that unexplainable tenderness because he had grown to care for her. Right now, he only wanted the best for her and it meant that he must let her go and move on. He paid the bill, left the bar, and walked along the awfully quiet road. When he went back to the bedroom, he stared at her beautiful face for a while. There was a little smile on her lips. “I love you, Isaac,” she said while still sleeping. He felt a pang on his chest knowing that he would surely break her pure heart. But it was bound to happen so why prolong it. They would have to talk about it eventually and part ways for the third time. He sat on the bed and kissed her on the forehead. He stood up again and changed clothes. This time, he chose not to sleep beside her and went to the couch instead.

TAKANG-TAKA si Belle nang magising siya at hindi maramdaman ang katawan ni Isaac sa tabi niya. Masyado na siyang nasanay na nagigising na yakap nito habang humihilik. Gustung-gusto niya kasi ang pakiramdam na ang gwapong mukha nito ang bubungad sa kanyang pagdilat. Ngunit wala ito sa kama kung hindi nasa couch. Hindi niya maintindihan kung bakit doon ito natulog gayong napakaluwag naman ng kama para sa kanilang dalawa. Gusto pa nga nitong nakasiksik siya rito tuwing matutulog. Kulang na lang ay magpalit sila mukha dahil lagi siyang magigising na halos buong katawan na niya ang nakadagan dito. Madalas tuwing kikilos siya ay uungol pa ito na parang nagpoprotesta at lalo pa siyang kakabigin. Tuloy, nahihirapan siyang bumangon para magluto ng kanilang almusal at baon sa opisina. Napakalambing nito sa totoo lang pero hindi nito iyon alintana. Natural ang mga kilos nito at walang halong pagpapaimbabaw kaya lalong yumayabong ang damdamin niya para dito sa pagdaan ng mga araw.

Bumangon siya at lumapit sa couch para pagmasdan ito. Payapa itong natutulog ngunit para itong pagod na pagod. Hindi na muna niya ito kinulit kaya lumabas na siya ng kuwarto at naghanda ng almusal. Six thirty na nang matapos siya at mahuhuli sila sa trabaho kapag hindi nila binilisan ang kilos. Pumasok siya sa kuwarto nila at muli itong pinagmasdan. Nagdalawang-isip pa siya kung gigisingin na ito o hindi dahil bakas ang ilang araw nitong puyat sa trabaho. Maya-maya’y nagdesisyon na siyang gisingin ito. Hinalikan niya ang mga labi nito na agad naman nitong tinugon. Ramdam niyang ngumiti ito kaya napatitig siya rito. Akala niya palalalimin pa nito ang halik pero bigla itong tumigil at lumayo na parang naasiwa. “Good morning,” mahinang bati nito at nagmamadaling bumangon at lumabas ng kuwarto.

Siya naman ay nagtatakang sumunod dito papuntang kusina. Magsasandok na sana siya ng kanin sa plato nito nang pigilan siya nito. “Let me do it for you,” nakangiting sabi nito pero parang hindi naman ito masaya. May problema ba ito? Gusto niyang magtanong pero mamaya na lang siguro pag-uwi nila. Ito na lang ang kumilos at nag-asikaso sa kanya. “You’ve done more than enough for me, and I can’t thank you enough,” sinserong sabi nito at pinisil pa ang isang kamay niya. Lalo tuloy siyang kinabahan.

“Isaac?”

“Kain na muna tayo,” anitong parang iniiwasan ang pagtatanong niya.

“Sige.” Naninibago siya dahil hindi ito katulad ng nakaraan na tuwing mag-aalmusal sila ay makikita niyang pangiti-ngiti ito sa kanya. May nagawa ba siyang mali? Bakit ito nagkakaganoon? Bakit hindi pa nito sabihin kung may problema ito para hindi siya nag-aalala nang ganoon? Noon ito napangiti sa kanya at muling pinisil ang kamay niya bago dinala sa mga labi nito. Nang matapos ay ito ang nagboluntaryong magligpit ng pinagkainan.

Napaisip siya, baka kailangang siya naman ang mag-initiate para gawing magaan ang kanyang umaga. Habang naghuhugas ito ay niyakap niya ito nang mahigpit. Natigilan ito bago nito hinimas ang mga kamay niya. Bumalik ito sa paghuhugas habang siya naman ay bumaba ang mga kamay at nagpunta ang mga iyon sa puntirya niya. Narinig niya ang malakas na paghigit nito ng hininga nang pumasok ang isa niyang kamay sa boxer shorts nito.

“Keep doing that, and we will be late for work,” seryosong sabi nito.

“I don’t mind,” pilyang sabi niya habang ipinagpapatuloy ang ginagawa rito.

“You tease,” nanghihinang sabi nito habang hindi magkandaugaga sa pagmamadaling banlawan ang mga hinuhugasan. Humarap ito sa kanya na walang ngiti sa mga labi at siniil siya ng halik. Maya-maya’y naramdaman na lang niyang umangat ang mga paa niya sa sahig at buhat siya nito papasok sa kuwarto nila at ibinagsak sa kama. “Grr.” Iyon lang at gigil na gigil itong dinaluhong siya at pinaghahalikan sa labi at leeg.

“Isaac,” impit na tili niya nang mabilis na alisin nito ang nighties niya at naglakbay ang mga labi nito sa kanyang katawan. Pero sa halip na magsimula ito sa kanyang mga labi, nagsimula ang labi nito sa kanyang binti at dahan-dahang umakyat papunta sa pagitan ng kanyang mga hita. Para siyang kukumbulsiyonin sa ginawa nito. It was sexy and yet so tender at the same time. It was not as intense as their previous lovemakings, but for her, it was the truest so far, and she loved it. When she felt something hot would come out, he reached out for a foil of condom on the side table and put it in his pulsating manhood. He poised himself on top of her and started to thrust. He lifted her leg so he could penetrate her more even though he did not have to do it. He was huge anyway and an expert in that field.

He continued to move on top of her and prevented her from moving. “Woman, just stay still. Just seeing your beautiful face and hearing your sexy moans are enough to drive me crazy.” His thrusts went faster and harder until they reached their peak and cried in utmost pleasure. And she was so shocked that he did not pull it out. Instead, he buried himself in her and did not move a bit. After a while, she felt his maleness come to life again. He looked at her without any hint of mischief. “Would you mind if we do it again?”

“Not at all,” she instantly replied and cupped his face to kiss him again. “Let me do it now, please.” He just nodded and lied beside her. She got up and showered his face with kisses before she moved down to his favorite organ. She played with it and got more aroused when she heard him moan with his eyes and mouth wide open. She tasted it and moved her hands faster until he pulled her up. Their lovemaking was already so familiar to her that she knew when he liked what she was doing and when he was about to lose control. She undulated her hips and placed her hands on his thighs. She began to dance gracefully while looking at him intently. Could they do it forever? As if he knew what was on her mind, he just smiled at her. “Take me, honey. I’m all yours,” he said with so much passion and honesty. And she gladly took him to the skies because he belonged to her, and she to him. There, at the highest point of their act, did they reach another climax and shout their names.